[Loving4ward]

Not the baby - it's Firecracker who will be 6 in two weeks.

I can't take another minute of it. He was on Concerta but was like a zombie so now he is on Focalin and all he does is cry.

Basically anything that doesn't go exactly as he wants - he cries. And it is happening at school too. And the more he cries the more it wears on my patience. As of right now - if he cries he has to go to his room until he can stop. I would say he is spending 50% of his day in his room crying.

I thought an automatic no matter what you are doing then you go to your room would stop the crying would work but it doesn't. I have tried helping him calm down but he can't in the moment. I have tried time outs while sitting with me and then he starts to cry if I look at him. He is in a therapy class at school that is supposed to help him but it isn't.

My bio kids were not big on crying. Sure they tried but I would always say - "Cry harder and maybe I will change my mind." They would look at me, get mad and stop. (I have tried that with him too.) My kids just know that I NEVER give in on crying.

I have asked him if crying has ever worked at our house and he acknowledges that it hasn't. But it works with his mom - and it is worse now that he is in care because she feels so guilty.

I seriously feel like I am going to go over the edge...we have a follow up with the doctor to switch his meds but I just don't think there is going to be an answer - he is on his 3rd one (5 if you count changing the dosing) and nothing is really working.

Anyone have a magic crying solution?

[RavenSong]

I would bet my bottom dollar that it's the new medication that causing his constant crying. I have the same reaction if I take Valium or any other benzodiazepine for longer than two days. Call the doctor who prescribed the Focalin and tell him what's happening. If it *is* the meds that are causing him to cry, punishing him isn't going to help the situation at all. In fact, it could make it a lot worse.

[elizabeth30]

It does sound like he's having a bad reaction to the meds. I agree with pp to call the doctor. If he's not normally that emotional then it's probably the meds. I'm sorry that you have to deal with it all day.

[MountainMommy]

Poor kid. I'm going with the meds as well. Have you searched to see if this is a possible side effect. Perhaps he can get a lower dose. Finding the right meds is frustrating and time consuming. I hope you get it all worked out soon as I completely understand. The girls whine and cry so I get the annoyance of it, especially when it's over silly little things.

[Kezs]

Sorry I am late to this thread. I just wanted to say that for my Munchkin, we had a similar pattern. he was insane after visits with his Dad, and it got to the point where we had 6 days of behaviors (and you could tell when the visit was by the intensity of the behavior each day, OK on day 1, crazy day 2, insane day 3 and 4, then slowly decreasing) that ended just in time for the next visit.

We started with a non-stimulant, then added a stimulant (which didn't work well) then added a mood stabilizer, then switched to a new stimulant. We ended up on 3 different medications, given at various doses 4 times a day. It didn't help that his metabolism is really fast and he burns through meds that should last 12 hours in 4-6.

Honestly, what I have found is that the non-stimulant allowed him to think, the stimulant allowed him to control his impulses, and the mood stabilizer helps to control the mood swings he gets from being able to process all of the stuff that used to get ignored. He also cries and whines a lot now because he understands but doesn't know what to do with all the emotions he now has to process, even though they aren't swinging as much.

I hate that he is on so many, but when they are balanced correctly he is a great kid. We can tell which is wearing off by his behaviors. I know they say we overmedicate foster kids (though Munchkin is adopted) but honestly, after all they have been through and a lot of times with the drugs, alcohol, or neglect, sometimes they just need it until they are old enough to learn to control it.

Add to all of that the fact that their little lives are out of their control, and they need the help.

Good luck, and keep trying. It can take 6 months to a year to find the right dosage and combinations.

[ubringmejoy]

I'm sorry i get angry when i read threads and i hear that children especially 6 yo are on medication.

[AdoptInMe]

My 4-year-old was like that on Focalin and Adderall, either that or raging mad. He's a bit better on Metadate, but still has some crying episodes. My 5-year-old is on Adderall, and it works beautifully, but she does have some crying episodes. It's the medicine with mine, and I would assume with yours too.

[Loving4ward]

Originally Posted by ubringmejoy

I'm sorry i get angry when i read threads and i hear that children especially 6 yo are on medication.

Yea - I used to be anti-meds too. (although I certainly would never have told someone that they made a bad choice - it was just something I thought I would never do)

But I had a little boy come to my home who at 5 did not know his alphabet, his colors, any numbers and who was violent, throwing major temper tantrums and basically out of control. I spent 8 months trying therapy, all the parenting techniques suggested by everyone under the sun and nothing worked. We got him evaluated and there was no doubt he is ADHD and possibly oppositional defiant but they didn't want to label that. So we put him on meds. It was not a decision I took lightly. I cried about it, prayed about, sought counsel from others and realized it was best for him.

He is doing much better in school now and is learning his letters, numbers and colors and there is a possibility they might actually send him to 1st grade now - something they would have never considered before he started his ADHD meds....

So unless you have walked a mile in the shoes of someone dealing with a child like this - you can get off your high horse.

[Loving4ward]

Thanks for all the advice...I am going with the meds...although other behavior is starting to get out of control too. I really think it just isn't helping him. We have a follow up in a few weeks. Hopefully we can make it until then. I might have to call the doctor if he continues to go downhill.

Today on top of the crying, he is being very defiant. He missed a visit with mom this week which might be triggering that. He went into my son's room tonight, took his Hot Wheels Case and dumped the cars out and took it for his cars. Even after he got in trouble he continued to defend his behavior because he wanted it.

I just wish we could get through to him but right now he doesn't seem to be processing anything.

[AdoptInMe]

Sounds like you do need a medicine change. I know, for sure, that the meds make my ds very defiant (ODD defiant). He gets so angry. Tonight, he was having a rage in his room, because I would not continue reading to him (he kept making noises on purpose, shining his light in my eyes and would not stop after repeated warnings). He raged for 1/2 hour, throwing everything at his door, etc. This was a mild one, and it's the first time he's done this on Metadate. And the Metadate's worn off by now. But I tend to think that the drugs somehow make him so tired. And when he's tired, he gets more defiant. Also, when he's hungry, he gets more defiant. I just don't know. It's all a puzzle. But you do probably need to talk with his doctor.

And, for the anti-med person, I was also against putting my 4-year-old on meds. I went into the evaluation, set on trying everything else. Now I know that nothing will work without medication. When you have a child who needs help, you do what you need to to help him.

[Rightboysmom]

We have done talk therapy, stimulates, and not stimulates, neuro-feedback and diet.

Talk therapy did nothing (but the therapist was not use to manipulative child with attachment issues)

Stimulates work to a point, instead of a wild out of control, it made him grumpy and emotional and still somewhat wild, one made him OCD, that was weird .

Non-stimulates worked pretty well until they didn't, it like his body got use to it and then it did not work anymore, we switched to a different one with some improvement.

I would highly recommend looking into Neuro-feedback, we started and have had the most improvement through this therapy.

After 3 year of meds, we recently went off, I like to think it is the neuro-feedback program and we just found out he has major food allergies, and not allergies that show on his skin, but one that produces out of control behaviors, (disruptive, loud, tantrums, etc)

We have been on a dairy and wheat free diet, since Nov. it has been very difficult. But for lunch we let him have Ice cream and now he is acting like he use to before bed time.

I certainly do not have the answer for you but if in your gut you know this is not working for him, then keep trying something else.

I use to be one that was not for young children on meds, then my five year old was getting in the car after school and screaming for an hour and throwing shoes at my head while I drove

However I do not believe that meds, should change a child's personality. It should help them be the best they can be.

best of luck

[Lolley33]

My son was on Focalin and he cried all of the time over everything... EVERYTHING. He is now on Vyvanse and he doesn't cry over anything now, unless I ask him to eat his veggies. But that is totally unrelated to the meds

[aka.mama.k]

On concerta, my daughter just shut down. Would not talk or even make eye contact. On the focalin, she cried and was very easily overwhelmed or upset. Adderall was a similar reaction to the focalin plus OCD-like behavior.

We eventually decided to wean her off of meds and went with a combination of homeopathic remedy, diet modification, and behavior management tools. I don't know if that would work for everyone but for us, it seems to be working. She does school online though so she can break tasks into small chunks and move around whenever she needs to and such. Having a high iq child nearly fail a year at school because of behavioral issues was what triggered us to consider online school in the first place.

[heartize]

Originally Posted by Loving4ward

Yea - I used to be anti-meds too. (although I certainly would never have told someone that they made a bad choice - it was just something I thought I would never do)

But I had a little boy come to my home who at 5 did not know his alphabet, his colors, any numbers and who was violent, throwing major temper tantrums and basically out of control. I spent 8 months trying therapy, all the parenting techniques suggested by everyone under the sun and nothing worked. We got him evaluated and there was no doubt he is ADHD and possibly oppositional defiant but they didn't want to label that. So we put him on meds. It was not a decision I took lightly. I cried about it, prayed about, sought counsel from others and realized it was best for him.

He is doing much better in school now and is learning his letters, numbers and colors and there is a possibility they might actually send him to 1st grade now - something they would have never considered before he started his ADHD meds....

So unless you have walked a mile in the shoes of someone dealing with a child like this - you can get off your high horse.

I wish this had a like button! I agree, I don't want to medicate any of my kids! But it is unfair to them to punish them and allow them to fail because they CAN'T control themselves without medication!

[ubringmejoy]

Originally Posted by Loving4ward

Yea - I used to be anti-meds too. (although I certainly would never have told someone that they made a bad choice - it was just something I thought I would never do)

But I had a little boy come to my home who at 5 did not know his alphabet, his colors, any numbers and who was violent, throwing major temper tantrums and basically out of control. I spent 8 months trying therapy, all the parenting techniques suggested by everyone under the sun and nothing worked. We got him evaluated and there was no doubt he is ADHD and possibly oppositional defiant but they didn't want to label that. So we put him on meds. It was not a decision I took lightly. I cried about it, prayed about, sought counsel from others and realized it was best for him.

He is doing much better in school now and is learning his letters, numbers and colors and there is a possibility they might actually send him to 1st grade now - something they would have never considered before he started his ADHD meds....

So unless you have walked a mile in the shoes of someone dealing with a child like this - you can get off your high horse.

Sorry you took offense to my OPINION about drugging a **** child. Giving a child who is 5, 6, 7 or 8 YO anti psychotic medications when their still growing and developing, in my OPINION is irresponsible, it’s child abuse and its the easy out. ADHD is NOT a biology disorder, it’s ALL mental and the best way to address that is with discipline, rules, patients, therapy and love. But most foster parents (not all) these days aren’t willing to offer that, their not committed to these kids, you know it, I know it, and it’s just easier for us to just label our kids “ADHD” to justify putting them on prescription medication and not addressing the underlining issues. Most kids who enter into the foster care system are in good mental health prior to entering into CPS, but strangely by the time most are adopted, emancipated or aged out their so dependent on medication and haven’t develop or been taught any type of coping skills, so guess what? That‘s why they act out the way they do. It’s that simple.

I was raised by old school parents, the kind who raised their kids with common sense and not with intellect, theirs a fundamental difference. so I guess when you say “come off your high horses” I guess what you really mean is lower my parenting standards, sorry not going happen.