[JLMom]

Well, I finally went back to work after being off for 3 years with the boys. It wasn't something I was necessarily looking for, but it kind of fell in my lap & since it is a job in the office where my kids will attend school for the next 9 years it seemed to be the thing to do.

So, I'm loving being back around adults again, plus its a great environment, but one thing I can say, all the fp training & this forum reading, sure gives me an interesting view. It is amazing that teachers & administrators have no clue about trauma & why these kids act the way they do. We have a couple active foster or adoptive families so there are several "problem" children. I've already been able to offer insight or a different perspective a couple times.

I don't really have a point to make except, yes, be sure to advocate for your kids at school, because its true that often things aren't understood by those who you would think would be in the know.

[Hopefullivin]

Completely agree! I struggle so much with the teachers and administrators at my kids’ school. I live in a suburb where the teachers land a position and don’t leave. I also live where there aren’t a lot of foster families. When I started bringing foster kids through my city’s schools a few years ago it was the first experience for some of the teachers and administrators. They just have no experience and no clue!

I had a principal call a welfare check on me because the day before I went to the school and made my ODD son put on his pants that he threw at me on the way out to the school bus (little thing but if you have “our” type of kid issues you do what you have to). The police arrived at my door and insisted on checking on my son who was sick with the stomach flu. Yes they had to wake up my FS (now adopted) and ask him questions. My FS who been awakened by cops before in his life to be removed from bios. I was so completely angry that day my friend had to keep me from going over to the school and personally confronting the principal. When I got no understanding from him over the phone I called the superintendent. This was the same principal that was the only one to vote no for my son’s IEP.

While he has been the biggest thorn throughout the years and I have absolutely no respect for him as a principal or educator, I’ve had to struggle with other teachers as well. While some work with me others just think they know everything about child development and I must be doing something wrong. Sorry for the vent but you hit a hot spot for me.

You said it, you have to keep advocating.

[1000amys]

This is such a good point!

I totally dropped the ball on a situation with my daughter this year. That is, I thought I was being clear; but I was assuming people understood things they clearly did not. She was being harassed by another child, and initially we were told he would be moved to another classroom.

After several weeks of no move and behavior continuing and escalating, my daughter decided to retaliate. Mind you, she had already pretty much lost faith in her parents (us) because we were sending her foster siblings to an unsafe home once or twice a week even though they begged us not to make them go. Situation stank all around.

I had told the principal that having my daughter switch classrooms would be a very bad idea, given her history and her current home situation. I was also trying to be fair to the other child, though; so I think I wasn't as directive as I should have been nor as specific as I needed to be. (Also, his mom apparently had no problem making complaints about my kid based solely on her kid's side of the story). Later, it became clear that I needed to have been specific verbally, and in an e-mail, each time I had something to say about the situation. Any e-mails needed to have included both the principal and vice-principal, as well as the classroom teacher and any other involved staff (in this case the resource room teacher). I should have erred on the side of over-communicationg. But, I screwed it up.

There's more to the story, but my point is that you're right. We cannot assume that school staff members understand anything about the effects of trauma (past and present) on children, so we need to be exquisitely clear about how our kids are different and how that affects each situation. Even when we think they must already understand, we need to tell them again. I am working harder at being crystal clear in my communication with the school!