[OhioFosterMom]

Baby is vocalizing and though I refer to myself as Foster Mum, I am being called "aw-eh-UM". So very sweet, really! Several fellow FMs just have their 3 year old darlings call them "mom" in public.

As a FM myself, I don't have an issue with it, when other FMs do it. How do you all feel and more importantly, how do your CWs take it? I've never referred to myself as just "mum" infront of any bio.

In a recent class on helping FCs overcome trauma, nearly every FP in the room indicated that to make the child feel more welcomed and less stigmitized - by permitting the child to call them mom at home and in public.

What, in your opinion , is in the best interest of the child? I had one fellow peep explain that "it's noone's business" that the child is in foster care, so just let them call you mom in public.....

Feel free to differentiate your opinion:
i.e.: 9 month old vs. 9 year old

For those who want to know my interest and motive, beyond what's best for a child, there is a rumor in the state that one FP got poo-poo'd by a supervisor for using the word "Mom".

[Loving4ward]

Firecracker calss me "mommy myname". We let him choose. We refer to ourselves as mommy and daddy with peanut. Everyone knows we do and are fine with that...well his mom doesn't know.

We are in the same state so it must be an agency thing.

[atoz123]

my 4yr fs calls me mom and mommy or my first name. He started slowly and worked his way up to all the time. I let it be his choice what he calls me. His 1.5 yr old brother just started calling me mama or mommy as well. I have always refer to myself by name and not mom to them, however if we are out and someone ask if i am there Mom I do say yes. Its easier that way. I asked my 4yr old if that what he wanted me to do and he did. The parents do not like it and have told my 4 yr old not to do it. The boys have been with me over a year. The thearpist and case workers are fine with them calling me mom. So far the parents are not aware that the 1.5 yr old calls me mom yet.

Prior to becoming foster parents, we talked with a friend that grew up in foster care for some advice. He said he hated having to call someone mom and dad. That why I try and let it be a choice for a child. Which is not always easy with a baby.

[Tradition]

The 2yr old started calling my husband "daddy" even though I tried "correcting" him and having him call him by his first name. He just wasn't having it, so we gave up. Then about a month later he started calling me "mom" (we never pushed it we figured he would figure it out on his own). The 1yr old calls me mama and dh dada. I feel weird about it sometimes but a commentor on a similar post to this talked about the difference between a name and a title and that helped me make peace with it.

[rm41more]

Before my little baby left he would say maaaaaa or mama. He would call my husband dada.

[Doggymom]

My placements always seem to call us mom and dad mama daddy etc. YaYa is under two and he calls me Ma...older kids I have said you can call me aunty, my name, or mom. Seems like they call me whatever my kids use. Lol even my thirteen yo respite daughter tells her friends I am her respite mom...I like that she claims me. I did have a four yo that called me aunty. His mom didn't mind. I told her I wanted him to feel like he was with family. His bro called me mom. It's a good non confrontational name for kid and parents. It also doesn't make the older kid feel weird in public or like they are choosing between you and the rents. Sw had never gotten after me. However one time I was telling Sunnys mom how well she was eating and told her she says momma more momma more..I think it made her mad and it just slipped out. Then I had to go to the restroom and sunny asked where momma was going. I didn't hear anything from sw though.

[NotDoneYet]

We are with a private agency. We met county worker at hospit to pick up Xena then headed to private agency after to sign paperwork. The director referred to me as mommy right away. SW asked us later in the case what she called us a I told them mama and they were ok with that.

[powerof3]

Happy Baby is almost 8 months old and he calls everyone DADA. We have been trying to get him to say MAMA because that seems like the natural progression of learning to talk for vast majority of babies.

I belive I will legally be his MAMA one day and since he hasn't seen his biomom since he was 3 months old I really don't feel bad about it.

I believe every baby needs a MAMA.

[Foster1Mom]

Our one yr. old has started with mamma and dada.
I was really unsure of this until a few months ago there was a post along the lines of every child should have a mom and a dad and while in our home we are the mom and dad. That said I do not refer to myself as mom in front of a CW or GAL. It just feels odd to me still.

[James127Mom]

I have wondered about this now that we are going into foster care. Before my as was a pre-adoptive placement, so he called us momma and daddy from the start. Now that we will have short term foster placements, I'm no sure... But I have a feeling they will still call us momma and daddy just because my son does.

[aka.mama.k]

I tell them when they arrive that while they're here, I am a substitute mother, like a substitute teacher and I do the mom stuff while their parent (or foster parent) is unable to. I can't be their mom and I'm not the same but kids needs someone to do the mom job unitil theirs can do it again. I tell them they can call me by my full first name, call me "Kay" or use any polite term (I.e. Aunt or Mom).

Almost all of the littles (under 5) use mom or "Mama K". The older kids who have been in care a long time, also tend to refer to me that way. I think that some of them have had so many moms that mom truly means the role to them and not a specific person. Older kids just pulled into care and teens usually opt for my first name. Though we had one for a week who called me Mrs. Last Name the whole time.

[mythreesonsjmo]

I have only had little ones, and they all end up calling me Momma, or Momma K***. My sister's foster son was just about to turn five when he came, and he called her by her first name until TPR occurred (with an occasional "Mom" in there). Now they are adopting and he is calling them "mom" and "dad" almost all the time.

Littles might as well call their foster mom's mom because that is what they are being, that is a role they understand (hopefully) and they don't get that confused having more than one person called "Mom". My nephew calls me "Mom" sometimes, but he knows that my sister is his real mom. It is just because other people call me Mom

Someday if I have older kiddos, school-age, I think I might go with Aunt...I like that.

If I get teens someday, I'll let them decide, but I don't like the idea of them using my first name if I am acting as their parent, if there are other kids in the house, but if it is just foster teens, that would work.

[NDN]

When my daughter was still foster, I referred to myself by my name. However, because I had older bios who called me "mom", she started calling me that. She was a toddler so, it's not like correcting her made much difference so I just went with it. None of the CWs ever had a problem with it. Her counselor said it was a positive thing (gave similar advice to that posted by aka.mama.k). If we had gotten any of the older placements that we were staffed for, my plan was to allow them the option of calling me by my name or any polite term really.

[loveajax]

Our FD came to us at 6 months. I've always referred to myself as "mama" and DH as "dada." She doesn't call us anything yet though!! We never had visits, though, and she came to us as a pre-adoptive placement.

I did have someone give me a shirt that said something like, "I love my Mommy!" I don't think I would have her wear that in public though until finalization (which is kind of sad, and maybe weird on my part?).

[TRas]

All our foster kids have called us Mommy and Daddy -- they were all 2 and younger. Our agency encourages it - doesn't want the kids to feel any different than bio/adopted kids.