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Old 01-24-2013, 08:18 AM
OhioFosterMom OhioFosterMom is offline
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what does baby call you?

Baby is vocalizing and though I refer to myself as Foster Mum, I am being called "aw-eh-UM". So very sweet, really! Several fellow FMs just have their 3 year old darlings call them "mom" in public.

As a FM myself, I don't have an issue with it, when other FMs do it. How do you all feel and more importantly, how do your CWs take it? I've never referred to myself as just "mum" infront of any bio.

In a recent class on helping FCs overcome trauma, nearly every FP in the room indicated that to make the child feel more welcomed and less stigmitized - by permitting the child to call them mom at home and in public.

What, in your opinion , is in the best interest of the child? I had one fellow peep explain that "it's noone's business" that the child is in foster care, so just let them call you mom in public.....

Feel free to differentiate your opinion:
i.e.: 9 month old vs. 9 year old

For those who want to know my interest and motive, beyond what's best for a child, there is a rumor in the state that one FP got poo-poo'd by a supervisor for using the word "Mom".
Firecracker II , 11/2012 - 2/2013 9 months. Placed with relatives.

5/2013 Emergency placement of sibling group of two for 3 days. To relatives.

Sophie (2 yr.) and Neela (3 1/2 yrs.) 7/2013 - 5/14 Both mild special needs children Reunified with relatives.
Licensed and hoping to become an advocate for FPs.

(Note: details on posts changed to protect confidentiality)

Last edited by OhioFosterMom : 01-24-2013 at 08:23 AM.
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Old 01-24-2013, 08:29 AM
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Loving4ward Loving4ward is offline
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Firecracker calss me "mommy myname". We let him choose. We refer to ourselves as mommy and daddy with peanut. Everyone knows we do and are fine with that...well his mom doesn't know.

We are in the same state so it must be an agency thing.
Me, DH, BD, BS

11/11 - Peanut :

Former placement
12/11 - 6/13 - Firecracker moved to adoptive family
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Old 01-24-2013, 08:41 AM
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atoz123 atoz123 is offline
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my 4yr fs calls me mom and mommy or my first name. He started slowly and worked his way up to all the time. I let it be his choice what he calls me. His 1.5 yr old brother just started calling me mama or mommy as well. I have always refer to myself by name and not mom to them, however if we are out and someone ask if i am there Mom I do say yes. Its easier that way. I asked my 4yr old if that what he wanted me to do and he did. The parents do not like it and have told my 4 yr old not to do it. The boys have been with me over a year. The thearpist and case workers are fine with them calling me mom. So far the parents are not aware that the 1.5 yr old calls me mom yet.

Prior to becoming foster parents, we talked with a friend that grew up in foster care for some advice. He said he hated having to call someone mom and dad. That why I try and let it be a choice for a child. Which is not always easy with a baby.
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Old 01-24-2013, 08:47 AM
Tradition Tradition is offline
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The 2yr old started calling my husband "daddy" even though I tried "correcting" him and having him call him by his first name. He just wasn't having it, so we gave up. Then about a month later he started calling me "mom" (we never pushed it we figured he would figure it out on his own). The 1yr old calls me mama and dh dada. I feel weird about it sometimes but a commentor on a similar post to this talked about the difference between a name and a title and that helped me make peace with it.
DH and I together since 2004
Attended 1st Orientation Sept. 2011
Found out pregnant Nov. 2011- fostering on hold
M/c'd December 2011
Attended Orientation again January 2012
August 2nd 2012 (day after my m/c due date) LICENSED!
October 2nd 2012: 1st placement (2) 's moved to kinship October 10th, 2012.
Back with me October 13th!!!
TPR- October 2013
Waiting out appeals so we can have (2) STBAS!!
July 22nd, 2014: 2nd placement (2)'s
October 24th, 2014 Boys adoption is FINAL!!
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Old 01-24-2013, 08:50 AM
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rm41more rm41more is offline
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Before my little baby left he would say maaaaaa or mama. He would call my husband dada.
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Old 01-24-2013, 08:55 AM
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Doggymom Doggymom is offline
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My placements always seem to call us mom and dad mama daddy etc. YaYa is under two and he calls me Ma...older kids I have said you can call me aunty, my name, or mom. Seems like they call me whatever my kids use. Lol even my thirteen yo respite daughter tells her friends I am her respite mom...I like that she claims me. I did have a four yo that called me aunty. His mom didn't mind. I told her I wanted him to feel like he was with family. His bro called me mom. It's a good non confrontational name for kid and parents. It also doesn't make the older kid feel weird in public or like they are choosing between you and the rents. Sw had never gotten after me. However one time I was telling Sunnys mom how well she was eating and told her she says momma more momma more..I think it made her mad and it just slipped out. Then I had to go to the restroom and sunny asked where momma was going. I didn't hear anything from sw though.
Mama fostering two & adopted 2 awesome kids!

Van Girl almost 4! Adopted 1-6-12

Vin Boy 1.5 yo and growing daily! Adopted 1-6-12

6 months on 11/23/11! Adoption date 1-6-12!

Dev Boy 4 yo Foster Moved to an adoptive placement.
Baby B Boy 1 yo Foster Moved to an adoptive placement.
K Girl 8 yo Went home
D Boy 1 yo Went home
D the Tree 2.5 yo boy Moved to family friend
Blondee baby 1 yo boy Moved to family friend
Miss Bit 4 days old only time will tell! moved to an aunt against sw rec may be back someday we hope.
Mr X one yo boy Returned to mom at Grandpas house.
Sunny two yo girl Current, keep if we can. Went home to mom.
YaYa 1 yo boy might stay might go hope to know 2-15
Flower Girl NB baby hope she stays!
Waiting for new placements or my dream call for kids baby sibling.
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Old 01-24-2013, 08:56 AM
NotDoneYet NotDoneYet is offline
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We are with a private agency. We met county worker at hospit to pick up Xena then headed to private agency after to sign paperwork. The director referred to me as mommy right away. SW asked us later in the case what she called us a I told them mama and they were ok with that.
Fisherman, 13 nephew (Granted guardianship Sept. 2013)
Legoman, 10
Fancy Nancy, 9 (8/14-current, goal RU or Adoption?)
Mr. Monk, 8
Angelina Ballerina, 7
Superman, 5 (8/14-current, goal RU or Adoption?)
Xena Warrior Princess, 3 (Granted guardianship January 2012!)
Gerber baby, 8 months (complicated family situation )

Teddy Bear, infant: October 2011-Feburary 2012 Went to relatives, sad for us but happy for them!
Ash, 12 and Pikachu, 10 (5/2012-1/2013)Adopted by an out-of-state family!
Marley, 4 Prince 3 and Queenie, 1 (6/2013-1/2014) Moved to grandma

17 yo boy
12 yo girl 8 yo boy, 5 yo boy
14 yo girl, 10 yo girl and 6 yo boy (sibs to Ash and Pikachu!)
15 yo girl
3 yo boy
12 yo twin boys
15 yo and her 16 mos old twin girls
2 yo girl and 1 yo boy
5 yo boy, 2 yo boy
9 yo girl, 5 yo boy
Licensed June 24, 2011
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Old 01-24-2013, 09:03 AM
powerof3 powerof3 is offline
Soon to be a family of 4
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Happy Baby is almost 8 months old and he calls everyone DADA. We have been trying to get him to say MAMA because that seems like the natural progression of learning to talk for vast majority of babies.

I belive I will legally be his MAMA one day and since he hasn't seen his biomom since he was 3 months old I really don't feel bad about it.

I believe every baby needs a MAMA.
Relative/kinship adoptive mom
June 2012 - Boss man is born
Sept 2012 - Boss man comes to live with us
Jan 2013 - We are licensed FP's for Boss man
July 2013 - TPR issued
Mar 2014 - Adoption is finalized

Married for 14 years
Bioson - FunnyJ 13 years old
AS - Boss Man (formerly Happy Baby) 2 years old
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Old 01-24-2013, 09:15 AM
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Foster1Mom Foster1Mom is offline
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Our one yr. old has started with mamma and dada.
I was really unsure of this until a few months ago there was a post along the lines of every child should have a mom and a dad and while in our home we are the mom and dad. That said I do not refer to myself as mom in front of a CW or GAL. It just feels odd to me still.
Butter Bean Sept 2012 - Adopted Nov 2013
Moose Sept 2012 - July 2013)
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Old 01-24-2013, 09:25 AM
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James127Mom James127Mom is offline
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I have wondered about this now that we are going into foster care. Before my as was a pre-adoptive placement, so he called us momma and daddy from the start. Now that we will have short term foster placements, I'm no sure... But I have a feeling they will still call us momma and daddy just because my son does.

Momma to:
AS Monkey (5)

-Finalized first foster-adoption 5/3/2011
-Moved across the country, and ready to start again!
- Finally decided on legally free state adoption! Starting HS 7/2014

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Old 01-24-2013, 09:31 AM
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aka.mama.k aka.mama.k is offline
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I tell them when they arrive that while they're here, I am a substitute mother, like a substitute teacher and I do the mom stuff while their parent (or foster parent) is unable to. I can't be their mom and I'm not the same but kids needs someone to do the mom job unitil theirs can do it again. I tell them they can call me by my full first name, call me "Kay" or use any polite term (I.e. Aunt or Mom).

Almost all of the littles (under 5) use mom or "Mama K". The older kids who have been in care a long time, also tend to refer to me that way. I think that some of them have had so many moms that mom truly means the role to them and not a specific person. Older kids just pulled into care and teens usually opt for my first name. Though we had one for a week who called me Mrs. Last Name the whole time.

Last edited by aka.mama.k : 01-24-2013 at 09:35 AM.
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Old 01-24-2013, 10:04 AM
mythreesonsjmo mythreesonsjmo is offline
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I have only had little ones, and they all end up calling me Momma, or Momma K***. My sister's foster son was just about to turn five when he came, and he called her by her first name until TPR occurred (with an occasional "Mom" in there). Now they are adopting and he is calling them "mom" and "dad" almost all the time.

Littles might as well call their foster mom's mom because that is what they are being, that is a role they understand (hopefully) and they don't get that confused having more than one person called "Mom". My nephew calls me "Mom" sometimes, but he knows that my sister is his real mom. It is just because other people call me Mom

Someday if I have older kiddos, school-age, I think I might go with Aunt...I like that.

If I get teens someday, I'll let them decide, but I don't like the idea of them using my first name if I am acting as their parent, if there are other kids in the house, but if it is just foster teens, that would work.
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Old 01-24-2013, 10:12 AM
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NDN NDN is offline
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When my daughter was still foster, I referred to myself by my name. However, because I had older bios who called me "mom", she started calling me that. She was a toddler so, it's not like correcting her made much difference so I just went with it. None of the CWs ever had a problem with it. Her counselor said it was a positive thing (gave similar advice to that posted by aka.mama.k). If we had gotten any of the older placements that we were staffed for, my plan was to allow them the option of calling me by my name or any polite term really.
Surviving Summer

My life. My story. Marriage. Divorce. Parenting. Fostering. Adoption. Law School (& beyond). Surviving & navigating a beautiful, complicated life...

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Old 01-24-2013, 10:17 AM
loveajax loveajax is offline
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Our FD came to us at 6 months. I've always referred to myself as "mama" and DH as "dada." She doesn't call us anything yet though!! We never had visits, though, and she came to us as a pre-adoptive placement.

I did have someone give me a shirt that said something like, "I love my Mommy!" I don't think I would have her wear that in public though until finalization (which is kind of sad, and maybe weird on my part?).
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Old 01-24-2013, 10:31 AM
TRas TRas is offline
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All our foster kids have called us Mommy and Daddy -- they were all 2 and younger. Our agency encourages it - doesn't want the kids to feel any different than bio/adopted kids.
AD - 3 (Placed at 6 1/2 months old)
AD - 3 (Placed at 7 months old)
AS - 4 (Placed at 21 months old)
AS - 3 (Placed at 26 months old)
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