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Old 12-07-2012, 07:50 PM
hope2bmomof9 hope2bmomof9 is offline
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Unhappy need kinship advice ???????/

I NEED advice from kinship/relatives!!! M(8) is our kids' younger brother and has been in foster care out of state for 14 months. Everyone in the case feels he should be with us even the judge. BUT..... not enough evidence to support TPR!!!!!! M(8) has insisted that he wants to be with us for many months. Our family has been visiting him religiously as well as having M(8) for several week long visits to our home. The attorneys wants to try and work out an agreement with Mom and our family about continued involvement with M(8) when he is RU. I don't know HOW that can work out?????? We have committed many hours and invested many emotions over the last year, TRYING TO BE THERE FOR M(8)............
He wants to be with us and we want him to be with his siblings in our home. The pain is hard to take tonight. I don't want to tell my children. M is supposed to come for a week at Christmas. This is going to destroy them!!!!!! I don't know what to do or what to ask for............HELP! http://forums.adoption.com/images/ic...cons/icon9.gif
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Old 12-07-2012, 08:29 PM
Jebico Jebico is offline
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We have walked this same path. Our great nieces were our foster children at ages 2 and 4 - we adopted them three years into the journey. We had their little brother from 3 months to 16 months and the judge returned him home. As soon as we adopted them in November and closed our foster home, he came into care in December and stayed for 9 months before being returned home. Like you, we have remained a constant in his life with visits, holidays, vacations. Now he is 9 years old and has been placed with us since May of this year. Just as I opened your post, he kissed me goodnight and said "I can't wait to be adopted...it can't happen fast enough!"

We contacted everyone under the sun to intervene, from the Governor's office down - and they opened files and truly investigated. If the state is doing nothing wrong and the State feels they can't prove their case, no one you contact will be able to override it.

My sanity came from my faith. That there was a reason that he was where he was when I couldn't move the mountains. It was painful, felt like I was dying when they took him from us each time, and it was painful when he begged at the end of each visit for us not to return him.

If the Judge feels strongly about him being with you could you go for permanent guardianship? The parents would retain their parental rights, but if they wanted to contest in the future, they would have to do it on your turf, where the child lived. And the burden of the proof would be on them (whether they had supported the child, maintained contact, etc.) Just a thought. We are holding out for adoption for this very reason - we don't want them hanging over our heads for the rest of our lives.

You will be in my prayers tonight...hold fast and remember that you are his vision of family and stability.
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Old 12-07-2012, 09:14 PM
hope2bmomof9 hope2bmomof9 is offline
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Oh Jebico......... thank you! I needed to be reminded that we are his vision of family. I am so glad that things are looking good for your little guy.
M wants us to adopt him too but we haven't even been able to be his foster parents because of the distance being a barrier to RU.
I don't think mom will agree to permanent guardianship with us. Anything else will just put us at her mercy, won't it???? We have other children too......
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