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  #46  
Old 10-18-2012, 01:25 PM
phxmama phxmama is offline
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How is putting a child's best interests before a person's desire to have a "last chance child" ageist? (I'm talking about older parent adoption where the parent/child age difference is 55+ years). Even though an older person is capable of parenting, their adopted child will miss out on having a mom and dad to guide them through the toughest years of their lives (late teens/early adulthood). What good is that "older parent wisdom" if they're not around to give it?!


There is nothing in this post about anyone wanting a last chance child. This is about a Great Grandparent wanting to care for her great grandchild. And yes, I firmly believe if there is such a person who wants to care for her family member that they should be allowed to do so because that is what families do. The life expectancy of a 70 year old woman is 15.72 years (yes I looked it up) so in this situation it would get the kid through high school and legally an adult. (By the way the life expectancy of a 55 year old woman is 27.81 years so the statistics tell me I could expect to see my now foster son through his 20s.) Also I dont know where your statistics on dementia came from ---here is a quote fromUS World and News Report article The study found that dementia prevalence (total number of cases) increased with age: 13.5 percent at 80 to 84 years; 30.8 percent at 85 to 89 years; 39.5 percent at 90 to 94 years; and 52.8 percent among those older than 94. So, by the time this kid is 28 her great-grandmother is will be as likely to have dementia as not have dementia.

When I brought up the word ageism it was in regard to the multitude of comments about a 70 year old being too tired, too confused, too ill ----all of which are negative stereotypes of aging. This does not mean that there are not people at age 70 who are all of those things, but it means there are also 70 year old who are none of those things. It is ageist when you think that the only consideration of whether it is in a childs interest to be placed with her GGM is GGMs age.
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NONE! And I am planning on keeping it that way for the next year or two while I focus on being a family with just Miracle Boy, Super Boy and Me
Former placements:
#14 little Miss I am so bored (14) week respite placement.
#13 Fire Dragon (8) She is BACK. RU'd with Mom back in care 8 weeks later. Now placed with another family as pre-adoptive.

#12 Starbuck girl (15)-one day emergency placement
#11 Super Boy, now my son adopted 5/10/13
#10 Teen Angel--placed in detention after violating probation until 18. Returned for two months before turning 18 and is now on her own. Bio mom of Super Boy.
#9 Cinderella (18) Flew the coop June 25 after turning 18.
#8 Teen Mom's son (now 1 and with Mom )
#7 Teen Mom 17 (now 18 and on her own, doing well)
#6 Chola- 17, after 3 mos. sent to behavioral placement
#5 Heartbreaker- left when she turned 18
#2,3,4 Christmas Kids 11, 8 and 6 RU'd with Mom
#1 B-day Twin, 12--sent to behavioral placement
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  #47  
Old 10-18-2012, 02:52 PM
smit8211 smit8211 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phxmama
How is putting a child's best interests before a person's desire to have a "last chance child" ageist? (I'm talking about older parent adoption where the parent/child age difference is 55+ years). Even though an older person is capable of parenting, their adopted child will miss out on having a mom and dad to guide them through the toughest years of their lives (late teens/early adulthood). What good is that "older parent wisdom" if they're not around to give it?!


There is nothing in this post about anyone wanting a last chance child. This is about a Great Grandparent wanting to care for her great grandchild. And yes, I firmly believe if there is such a person who wants to care for her family member that they should be allowed to do so because that is what families do. The life expectancy of a 70 year old woman is 15.72 years (yes I looked it up) so in this situation it would get the kid through high school and legally an adult. (By the way the life expectancy of a 55 year old woman is 27.81 years so the statistics tell me I could expect to see my now foster son through his 20s.) Also I dont know where your statistics on dementia came from ---here is a quote fromUS World and News Report article The study found that dementia prevalence (total number of cases) increased with age: 13.5 percent at 80 to 84 years; 30.8 percent at 85 to 89 years; 39.5 percent at 90 to 94 years; and 52.8 percent among those older than 94. So, by the time this kid is 28 her great-grandmother is will be as likely to have dementia as not have dementia.

When I brought up the word ageism it was in regard to the multitude of comments about a 70 year old being too tired, too confused, too ill ----all of which are negative stereotypes of aging. This does not mean that there are not people at age 70 who are all of those things, but it means there are also 70 year old who are none of those things. It is ageist when you think that the only consideration of whether it is in a childs interest to be placed with her GGM is GGMs age.

I know this post was originally about a grandmother taking a relative child from foster care, that's why I specified what group my response was written in regards to. My comment on ageism was not aimed at your post specifically. It was addressing a very common response that people have when responding to the question "when are you too old to adopt a young child?" (such as "It's ageist to say I'm too old to adopt. I'm healthy and active for my age.") Because that sort of response is not child-centric.

Perhaps asking "When does an adoptive parent's age hinder the child's best interests?" would be the better wording. I think that's really what everybody needs to consider when adopting...no matter how the adoption comes about. That's all I was trying to convey
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  #48  
Old 10-18-2012, 03:08 PM
TemporaryMom TemporaryMom is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phxmama
How is putting a child's best interests before a person's desire to have a "last chance child" ageist? (I'm talking about older parent adoption where the parent/child age difference is 55+ years). Even though an older person is capable of parenting, their adopted child will miss out on having a mom and dad to guide them through the toughest years of their lives (late teens/early adulthood). What good is that "older parent wisdom" if they're not around to give it?!


There is nothing in this post about anyone wanting a last chance child. This is about a Great Grandparent wanting to care for her great grandchild. And yes, I firmly believe if there is such a person who wants to care for her family member that they should be allowed to do so because that is what families do. The life expectancy of a 70 year old woman is 15.72 years (yes I looked it up) so in this situation it would get the kid through high school and legally an adult. (By the way the life expectancy of a 55 year old woman is 27.81 years so the statistics tell me I could expect to see my now foster son through his 20s.) Also I dont know where your statistics on dementia came from ---here is a quote fromUS World and News Report article The study found that dementia prevalence (total number of cases) increased with age: 13.5 percent at 80 to 84 years; 30.8 percent at 85 to 89 years; 39.5 percent at 90 to 94 years; and 52.8 percent among those older than 94. So, by the time this kid is 28 her great-grandmother is will be as likely to have dementia as not have dementia.

When I brought up the word ageism it was in regard to the multitude of comments about a 70 year old being too tired, too confused, too ill ----all of which are negative stereotypes of aging. This does not mean that there are not people at age 70 who are all of those things, but it means there are also 70 year old who are none of those things. It is ageist when you think that the only consideration of whether it is in a childs interest to be placed with her GGM is GGMs age.

Excellent and I agree. Monkeys grandma was only 6 years older than me and in far worse health. On the flip side is my mom who at 72 is helping my niece with her now one year old, and by all accounts is raising him.

I think RavenSong said it well, grandparents and greats have been caring for children throughout history, and still in many countries. It is only since women went to work that this trend started changing.

Anyone remember The Walton's?
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  #49  
Old 10-18-2012, 03:26 PM
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As with many issues that crop up in the foster adopt world the answers aren't black or white. Just shades of gray. I agree with some of what both sides are saying.

I will add this...I'm personally glad I wasn't raised by parents who were in there sixties or seventies when I was born.
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  #50  
Old 10-18-2012, 05:06 PM
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I hope I didn't offend anyone in the 50 and over crowd as that's not my intention, and to be honest now that I'm ehem older...I don't find those in their 50's and 60's to be 'old'. I just turned 40 and I guess I'm ageist against myself b/c I feel like at this point in life I'm too old to be adopting babies and toddlers. Maybe it's b/c my first experience was having my kids young and being that youngish parent for them...and still being young. I definitely don't think 40 is too old for other people(as I know some in their late 40's and 50's who HAVE adopted babies) but for ''me''(keyword ''me'') personally it's too old for ''me''.

Now that is not to say that it would never be a possibility in the future, I just can't see it now. Truth be told I could even see myself fostering kids into my 70's, but fostering is different from adopting as we all know.

The other side has made great points and I am a little less apprehensive, but I still wish she'd be going to a younger couple on the waiting list. Another thing I didn't mention is that it's only her, no hubby in the picture. If she knew the GGM since birth than I would feel how some of you described your experiences.
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  #51  
Old 10-18-2012, 05:48 PM
phxmama phxmama is offline
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No worries from me---I am in no way offended. Honestly if there were other better options for my foster son and if they find that perfect younger family for him, I say go for it. I never intended to be a mom again at this age, at least not to a two year old. It is just that every situation is unique and in my present situation there are many reasons that a unique solution, which may on the surface seem inferior, may be the best one for him, even if that happens to include an oldie goldie mom, lol. Once his situation is resolved I will certainly post more details because right now I am just sitting back waiting to see where this situation lands. I think this has been an interesting discussion
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Current Placements:
NONE! And I am planning on keeping it that way for the next year or two while I focus on being a family with just Miracle Boy, Super Boy and Me
Former placements:
#14 little Miss I am so bored (14) week respite placement.
#13 Fire Dragon (8) She is BACK. RU'd with Mom back in care 8 weeks later. Now placed with another family as pre-adoptive.

#12 Starbuck girl (15)-one day emergency placement
#11 Super Boy, now my son adopted 5/10/13
#10 Teen Angel--placed in detention after violating probation until 18. Returned for two months before turning 18 and is now on her own. Bio mom of Super Boy.
#9 Cinderella (18) Flew the coop June 25 after turning 18.
#8 Teen Mom's son (now 1 and with Mom )
#7 Teen Mom 17 (now 18 and on her own, doing well)
#6 Chola- 17, after 3 mos. sent to behavioral placement
#5 Heartbreaker- left when she turned 18
#2,3,4 Christmas Kids 11, 8 and 6 RU'd with Mom
#1 B-day Twin, 12--sent to behavioral placement
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