[inshape]

My CW called me to reschedule our visit and said she had a question and that she didn't want to offend me. She told me that she knew we were taking good care of the baby, but just had to ask. I thought to myself, oh no what could this possibly be about??

She went on to say that bio mom said she found remnants of poop in her folds,(during visits) and asked my CW to mention it to me. I told her I use several wipes on baby and there may be a few times where I don't get it all.....epecially if desitin was put on her skin as that stuff is 'cakey'. I'm not even mad at bio mom, she SHOULD be concerned about her daughter and how well ''the foster parents'' are taking care of her daughter. However at the same time I'm reminded that she should be the last person to complain since she's had 2 kids (and most likely this one) taken(TPR'D) from her. I did notice a little scratch/scrape on her knee after the last visit and thought maybe mom had some jewelry that caught her knee. I was gonna say something as soon as I saw it, but I didn't want to make a big deal out of nothing.

Now I'm starting to wonder if it was an accidental mark or one on purpose as there's a small subtle red patch on her knee. I just hope she's not psycho enough to actually harm the baby to try and get us into trouble.

[Lexandjustin]

We had to file a report against boogies biomom in may. She cme home from a visit with deep scratches and two welts/bruises on her. Nothing came of it, but we felt better knowing it had been done.

[controllnmychaos]

So wierd you would post that. I had the EXACT same thing happen to me. We had a baby girl for ten days. It was the only baby I wanted gone simply because the mother was such a pain. There were two visits and each one was a problem. She complained about leftovers in folds. She complained about us using baby power. She complained because she found ONE dog hair. It led to calls from the CW after each visit about being more careful about baby's hygiene. Really? Like you said, I'm not the one who's child is in foster care.

Here I am trying to be so careful not to hurt baby girl by digging in her creases. Afraid I would leave red marks or something that would lead to allegations. And I end up getting an earful anyway. Baby isn't being cleaned properly. Baby powers are dangerous. Evidently our having pets was not acceptable. We ended up having to inspect baby and all her belongings before the last visit and putting all her things in separate plastic zip bags.

I have no advice on how to deal with a mom like this long term because honestly I don't think I could have. We were to the point telling CW straight out that he either thought we could care for the baby or he didn't. If not, come and get her. They have known from the start we have pets. We are not the ones with problems parenting. I am so glad she moved to an aunt before it got to that point, because it was about to get real ugly.

[TemporaryMom]

IMHO, this represents a poor CW. They should be deflecting that kind of crap. The bios are just trying to push any power that they have, and let's face it, they all treat us like glorified babysitters. I have brought Chubbs home from daycare with leftover smudges. Do I complain? No! Goodness, you do the best you can to wipe them but even I have found evidence of missed smudges when I have changed him. As for powder, i don't even think they sell baby powder with talc anymore. Talc was the issue. Most are straight cornstarch now. A good CW would be explaining all of this to the bios and reminding them of why their child is in care!

Apparently, I found out later, my girls bio mom did complain a few times but it never got passed the worker. One time, when it was looking like RU wasn't going to happen, monkey missed a visit due to illness. So during phone call, which I initiated, bio mom gets snippy with me "I noticed that princess's undies are all holey, so *I* will have to buy her new ones, and you can reimburse me since that is what you are paid to do." oh did I have to bite my tongue. I simply said "they were not holey when she put them on, but she has over 15 pair of undies, so we will just pitch those, there is no need to buy more," which of course she didn't.

Princess gets home, the call happened while she was enroute, and I asked about her panties. She said they weren't torn, and so she pulled down her pants and here the elastic in the top had pulled free from the panties. Princess didn't even notice. And those were brand new panties!

Wow, I just thought of this, why the H was bio mom inspecting her panties anyway?! Princess was well beyond the age of needing help going potty. Cringe!

[inshape]

Originally Posted by controllnmychaos

So wierd you would post that. I had the EXACT same thing happen to me. We had a baby girl for ten days. It was the only baby I wanted gone simply because the mother was such a pain. There were two visits and each one was a problem. She complained about leftovers in folds. She complained about us using baby power. She complained because she found ONE dog hair. It led to calls from the CW after each visit about being more careful about baby's hygiene. Really? Like you said, I'm not the one who's child is in foster care.

Here I am trying to be so careful not to hurt baby girl by digging in her creases. Afraid I would leave red marks or something that would lead to allegations. And I end up getting an earful anyway. Baby isn't being cleaned properly. Baby powers are dangerous. Evidently our having pets was not acceptable. We ended up having to inspect baby and all her belongings before the last visit and putting all her things in separate plastic zip bags.

I have no advice on how to deal with a mom like this long term because honestly I don't think I could have. We were to the point telling CW straight out that he either thought we could care for the baby or he didn't. If not, come and get her. They have known from the start we have pets. We are not the ones with problems parenting. I am so glad she moved to an aunt before it got to that point, because it was about to get real ugly.

Wow, I think if my CW reacted the way yours did, I would have felt like *I* was the one that did something wrong. My CW was the complete opposite, she told me (like you said) that she told mom I probably didn't want to rub her too hard and create any marks. She told her that my house is immaculate and that we are very nurturing people. We have 3 pets so I guess I too should look her over with a fine tooth comb before I get the dog hair complaints too. Glad[not for you] that I'm not the only one. We've had baby for 6w now, so no matter how much mom complains, I'm still not in a rush to see her go....plus she just started sleeping thru the night

[inshape]

Originally Posted by TemporaryMom

IMHO, this represents a poor CW. They should be deflecting that kind of crap. The bios are just trying to push any power that they have, and let's face it, they all treat us like glorified babysitters. I have brought Chubbs home from daycare with leftover smudges. Do I complain? No! Goodness, you do the best you can to wipe them but even I have found evidence of missed smudges when I have changed him. As for powder, i don't even think they sell baby powder with talc anymore. Talc was the issue. Most are straight cornstarch now. A good CW would be explaining all of this to the bios and reminding them of why their child is in care!

Apparently, I found out later, my girls bio mom did complain a few times but it never got passed the worker. One time, when it was looking like RU wasn't going to happen, monkey missed a visit due to illness. So during phone call, which I initiated, bio mom gets snippy with me "I noticed that princess's undies are all holey, so *I* will have to buy her new ones, and you can reimburse me since that is what you are paid to do." oh did I have to bite my tongue. I simply said "they were not holey when she put them on, but she has over 15 pair of undies, so we will just pitch those, there is no need to buy more," which of course she didn't.

Princess gets home, the call happened while she was enroute, and I asked about her panties. She said they weren't torn, and so she pulled down her pants and here the elastic in the top had pulled free from the panties. Princess didn't even notice. And those were brand new panties!

Wow, I just thought of this, why the H was bio mom inspecting her panties anyway?! Princess was well beyond the age of needing help going potty. Cringe!

Yikes, let's hope it was innocent, re;panties.

Baby's CW is very by the book so I'm sure she mentioned it for 'procedure' purposes only, and as explained above I think she handled it well, unlike 'chaos' CW. You're right about the smudges, heck my own kids have had em in between changes and it's cuz I missed it. Guess I better hang on for the ride with this one......

[OhioFosterMom]

poop in a female infant's "front" and more inner folds can lead to somewhat serious infections. It's appropriate for the CW to mention it. Ask doctor for best ointment if her skin seems chaffed or irritated and that's why you couldn't wipe more.

Simply say that you are mortified if you missed it and you'll be sure to be super careful from now on. Roll with the punches on this one.

You are now officially christened into foster parenthood! We ALL get complaints and I would stay calm and humble on this one.

don't worry. be mature and admit your mistake (an understandable oversight, really) and they'll respect you for it.

[controllnmychaos]

Originally Posted by inshape

Baby's CW is very by the book so I'm sure she mentioned it for 'procedure' purposes only, and as explained above I think she handled it well, unlike 'chaos' CW. You're right about the smudges, heck my own kids have had em in between changes and it's cuz I missed it. Guess I better hang on for the ride with this one......

If you have had her for 6w already, hopefully it will not get worse. My bio was under the impression making the FP and CPS look bad would get her child back faster. I would never treat a babysitter or daycare the way some FP get treated.

And for the record, I also would not panic and raise alarms over a little smudge. I did just fine with my bio, who never got any infections. Just the occasional diaper rash from trying new foods. Good luck with your little.

[Myoddlife]

Honestly, I appreciate a Cw that mentions things like this. I don't want to hear the silly complaints (don't like their hair, clothing, etc) but I do want to hear if there is something physical. I can generally get on the bps good side by sending notes, and in the first one I specifically ask for advice on what works for their children....I don't often take it for a grain of salt, but have found that it can lead to easier relationships and have occasionally found out important info (brand allergies, etc) before it became a problem.

I also remember being mortified when a Cw called my agency to complain that I wasn't keeping the baby's neck clean. She was my first infant and came at 3 days old....honestly, I was afraid I'd break her neck trying to clean her neck folds (she was a chunky little thing)! My agency was able to reassure me that she was a bit more sturdy than that, as well as offering some tips on keeping the chafing to a minimum. I would have preferred that the Cw called me directly, though.

[Vtmom3]

It's a good idea to document any marks - caused during daycare, at your home, or during visits. Photo with date and time stamp or photo emailed so it has date and time. If it is a bruise taking a pic each day through the progression is good. If anything comes up you know exactly what day a mark came and how long it stayed.
If you see a pattern of marks following visits report it to your CW.

Expect complaints from bio. It's part of the system. Feel confident in what your doing but there maybe things to learn too like allergic reaction, family history, etc.

Good luck

[Tamaraj1981]

BEST advice EVER take photos and document, document, document!!!

If there is a bruise or anything that you might think mom will try and nail you on tell them as soon as you drop off for visit. Its better coming from you.

Our DSS office gave us a book wasn’t a whole lot of room but enough to write a sentence or two so I added my own composition book. Our kids/bios had the same social worker but HATED MY little “black book” because I had photos and notes on everything including when I reported it. It saved me during 2 CPS investigations.

[annamc15]

Peanut's mom is really respectful to my face. Even saying things like "that's so cute how you did her hair!", but sometimes when she is put on the spot, she tries to drag me under the bus. My CW is awesome, but does say, "I told mom I would talk to you about XYZ". I don't mind, as CW is just doing her job and being respectful to mom, as Peanut's mom.

My favorite was mom telling the CW I seem frustrated with her and the CW calmy telling her: "well she has been doing all the things you should be doing for over a year now, she likely is frustrated with you". It made my day. :-D