[irelady10]

My little FSs will probably be leaving within the next month to a pre-adoptive placement.

My son is 4 and has grown attached to the boys (2 and 3 years old). Any words of advice on how to explain their leaving? I

When the boys were initially placed, it was supposed to be a short term placement. I explained to my son that their mom wasn't able to take care of them, but as soon as she was, they would be going home. The circumstances in the boys' case changed very quickly and now they are being fast tracked to adoption. So, I'm not quite sure how to explain their leaving, in context with what I have already told my son.

Oh, and I am having alot of guilt over not being able to be an adoptive placement for them. I think this is playing into my worries about how my son will react to their leaving.

Thanks so much! Eileen

[TemporaryMom]

Originally Posted by irelady10

My little FSs will probably be leaving within the next month to a pre-adoptive placement.

My son is 4 and has grown attached to the boys (3 and 4 years old). Any words of advice on how to explain their leaving? I

When the boys were initially placed, it was supposed to be a short term placement. I explained to my son that their mom wasn't able to take care of them, but as soon as she was, they would be going home. The circumstances in the boys' case changed very quickly and now they are being fast tracked to adoption. So, I'm not quite sure how to explain their leaving, in context with what I have already told my son.

Oh, and I am having alot of guilt over not being able to be an adoptive placement for them. I think this is playing into my worries about how my son will react to their leaving.

Thanks so much! Eileen

I don't think you need to explain that they are going to a pre-adoptive home. Would not just saying "It is so exciting, but their mommy is ready to take them now." He is likely not going to understand if you try to explain to him that their first mommy can't take them back, and you can't keep them, so they are going to a 3rd mommy.

Mommy is mommy to a 4yo, for the most part. So by telling him that they are now going to live with their mommy, you aren't lying. I would make it seem like a very exciting thing for them though, and how much fun they will have with their new mommy even though you will miss them so much. Something like that maybe?

Big hugs to you. No matter how long, or short, we have our kids, we love them and losing them, even if for a good reason in this case, is always hard. I had a woman in a training class once. She was from another county. She had to experience this kind of loss frequently. For the entire county, it was only her and one other foster mom. She said, if she adopted all of them that came available, she wouldn't be able to keep fostering, and then the county would be down to only one. So as much as it pained her at times to send the kids on to pre-adoptive homes, she knew it was ultimately for the best interest of children she had not yet met to do so.