[Loving4ward]

Today has been a bad day...

I have a great relationship with our 5 yo FSs family. I was supposed to call bioGrandma but lost her number. So I get it from biomom today and call her. She was frantic I hadn't called because the CW told her that I am not comfortable around her Never has anything like that come out of my mouth like that. So she and I talk and I assure her that is not the case. So things are fine now but why would the CW tell her that. I guess it could be a miscommunication all the way around but I am working really hard to have a good relationship with everyone in this situation and it makes me mad that one offhand comment from the CW could ruin all the work I am doing to be on good terms!

Then I pick them up and the baby smells (this is a different biomom). She has a problem in this dept. and has been told to work on it b/c it is difficult to sit next to her and that is not fair to the baby who can't vocalize. GAL tells me last week that she went to a visit recently and Biomom doesn't smell anymore. Well - pick the baby up after a visit and you will see that while it is better - she still smells and he smells when he comes home. But I agree that it was better and at least tolerable now. FF to this afternoon - I could barely stand to sit in the car with him the smell was so strong. So now that she has the stamp of approval from the GAL does she think it doesn't matter anymore? So do I just not say anything? I guess I will see if today was isolated or if she has stopped trying.

Then my husband calls and my MIL had called him to complain that the kids did not call his aunt to say thank you for their Valentine's day cards. They got two sets of cards - one signed by both aunts and one by only one. We had already called and said thank you for the one set and so honestly I didn't call on the second one. So he says to his mom - "they didn't call?" and she says "No - they never do" This set me off - I always make an effort to make sure they call. They don't call if we are going to see them within a week of getting a card and can say thank you in person. Having all the kids around at once to make the calls can be hard since we are running in 100 different directions so there are times that one calls and makes the thank you on everyone's behalf and then I chime in to say thank you and explain why only one called. As a matter of fact - the rule at my house is that they can't spend the money until they call to say thanks...so why do I make the effort to have the kids call if no one recognizes that we do. His aunt is hard of hearing so maybe that is playing into this? I make all of the effort with my husband's family - I call and make plans, I keep them all updated on what is going on and I make sure that he calls them - and then they pull crap like this? Why do I bother? I think in the future, when a card comes, I will plop a thank you in the mail and send it on its way.

Sorry for the vent - I am just having a bad day and am sick of trying to please people and build relationships only to have people put words in my mouth.

[BoysParent]

Oh man. I've been there. There's a saying for this..."No good deed goes unpunished". With coaching from my husband, I am no longer a "people pleaser". Life is SO much better.

As far as bioGrandma goes, I'd just sweep the comment from the SW she is flipping out about under the rug. I used the word "Whatever" a lot when dealing with biomom and her BS. She would pull things out of her butt to try to argue with me about. When enough "whatever's" came her way, she finally gave up.

As for your own family. Maybe they need to see what your daily schedule looks like. Raising kids is a total rat race. When parents get older and their kids move away, they seem to forget how much work it is having little ones to take care of. Try taking the mileage off your vehicle for one week and ask them how many miles they put on in a week...how many trips to the store they had to take...meals they cooked or loads of laundry they have to do in a week.

I'm sorry, but this ticks me off. Being a birthparent has to be hard enough...but being a FP is NUTS. We have a whole other set of situations to deal with that nobody but other FP's can understand.

You deserve a break for the BS! Try a few WHATEVER's!

[bethy724]

Maybe "thank yous" can be your husbands job, especially if it's HIS family & they seem to think it's your job. That would piss me off. Complaining about one parent about the other when BOTH parents are responsible for their children.

[Loving4ward]

Originally Posted by bethy724

Maybe "thank yous" can be your husbands job, especially if it's HIS family & they seem to think it's your job. That would piss me off. Complaining about one parent about the other when BOTH parents are responsible for their children.

Thank you both for getting it!!

If my in-laws knew that they only reason they have a relationship with my husband is because I nag him to call, I buy all the presents, I arrange everything...etc!!! Its not that my husband doesn't love them - he's just a typical man who doesn't like to make phone calls etc...

I think I will stop calling and keeping them in the loop for a while and see how they like it!!

And I agree...I never imagined being a foster parent would be so much more time consuming than my kids - and I have two relatively easy placements!!!