[stimulus]

I'm looking for some info and advice on phone calls with bio-family. Are you supposed to listen to every conversation or not?

I haven't been, and I've never been given any guidelines from my FKs' worker to follow. Yesterday, a friend who is a CASA said all phone calls are supposed to be supervised if visits require supervision. Another friend who is a FP said the same. Yet, my CW just allowed the family to give the kids cell phones, which is why they have had lots of unsupervised conversations lately. I'm trying to figure out what's customary. The kids aren't going to be RUed; all in-person visits have to be supervised at the office.

[ImpactingLives]

In my area it's left up to the FP to decide. With our FFS, birthmom was bilingual, and I am not...so I was supposed to supervise and if she stared speaking Spanish I was to end the phone call. In reality, I just was in the same room with him and I could tell what was being said by what he was saying and how he was acting.

I would say that they should be supervised if the visits are supervised.

[lifechanges]

We we're never specifically told one way or another, but we are doing kinship care. We do always put the phone on speaker if the parents call because there has been times where mom has said things she shouldn't be to her 6 y/o. Plus it was nice to know what was being said because often the children ended the conversations and were in quite the moods, so at least we would have an idea why. So my recommendation, depending on their age would definitely be to either in or at least be present when you can hear the children's side.

[stimulus]

I think I haven't been given much guidance because it's a (fictive) kinship placement. I'm a brand new FP, the CW is brand new, and I know the family better than the CW, so why don't I just decide what boundaries are needed?

Of course, it makes me the bad guy when I refuse to supervise visits or allow cell phones. I recently had to make a stand over supervising visits, especially at church and related functions, and the CW didn't take any responsibility for the decision; she told them again that church visits were fine with her under my supervision. I took the kids to another church for a few weeks to avoid a confrontation. A week after the kids got the cell phones, the family mysteriously showed up at that other church Sunday.

The kids are 10 and 13. They say they didn't tell their grandparents where they were attending church, but they did tell their runaway sister who still stays with them frequently.

[rm41more]

Previously I didn't know whether to monitor calls or not because no one told me. I'm in California and I was told that if the visits were to be monitored so were the phone calls. I was also told that all calls should be somewhat monitored meaning I should be in the same room or near my foster daughter when she has calls with her parents to make sure the conversation is appropriate. My foster daughter parents decided to discuss the outcome of the most recent court case.

She's 5 years old and that was totally not cool. Not to mention the behavior and mood change we've had to deal with since that conversation and it was a COURT ORDER for her not to discuss the case with her child...so mom must be on speaker phone anytime she calls moving forward.

My other issue I have with phone calls are the amount of calls I receive in a day from bio family! They call way too much and they are quite demanding. Words have definitely been exchanged because they have a huge issue with boundaries.

[alys1]

The cell phone thing is bogus. I should be more articulate, right? But my brain just frizzed out reading this.

Allowing unlimited cell contact w/out supervision -- when *in person* visits can't be in the home, and must be supervised -- is somewhat like saying up is down and down is up, and expecting you to not notice.

Is there anyone above the CW you can appeal to? Supervisor? The worst that could happen is left in the same place, right? Do they have a CASA or GAL? You could start out with the innocent approach, "You know I just don't understand this. Visits are supervised, not allowed at home any more (etc. explain that history, how that change happened. That RU isn't happening.... ) You know, it looks to me like this simply allows the GPs unlimited access to control or manipulate the children. I was wondering if it's normal for this type of unlimited contact is allowed in cases like this at this time? I'm hoping you can help me out by explaining this to me." Your wording, of course.

[stimulus]

Just got off the phone with the CW. She said that yes, I should be attempting to monitor calls "as best I can" and to let her know if the grandparents say something inappropriate. Then, she'll tell the grandparents what was wrong and maybe tell the grandparents all calls have to be monitored, so no cells. I didn't think it ask if that meant having the conversation over speakerphone or me just listening to what the kids' say.

Of course, the kids aren't with me 24/7, so it's not that easy to monitor their calls.

[TemporaryMom]

Originally Posted by stimulus

Just got off the phone with the CW. She said that yes, I should be attempting to monitor calls "as best I can" and to let her know if the grandparents say something inappropriate. Then, she'll tell the grandparents what was wrong and maybe tell the grandparents all calls have to be monitored, so no cells. I didn't think it ask if that meant having the conversation over speakerphone or me just listening to what the kids' say.

Of course, the kids aren't with me 24/7, so it's not that easy to monitor their calls.

Phone calls were always done by speakerphone supervised by me until the last month when unsupervised visits started. She had one phonecall then because FD1 got sick and I let FD1 talk. Oh wait, I forgot, we had only 4 phone calls in the entire 3 years and 2 of those were initiated by us. Yes, bio mom had unrestricted access to call the girls for over a year before RU and never did, not even when they were sick and missed a visit.

[skc515]

I've always asked the SW and went from there. Some have said yes, some no. It just really depends on the appropriateness and boundaries of the parents.

I've also found it is easier for younger kiddos to talk on the speakerphone so that's usually my default.

[Kezs]

If it were me, I would take the phones and limit them to use between specific hours when you are present. I would use the speakerphone and definitely listen in. They shouldn't have them in school anyway, and there is no reason kids that age have to have the phones. You are still allowing access based on your rules.

There will be a huge fit, but your privacy has already been compromised when they followed you to a new church. Forget the idea of kinship, treat it as a foster placement. If the CW doesn't like it, then I would make a list of all the things you are not comfortable with (church being used for visits, cell phones, being followed to a new church, ect) and then ask for a meeting with the CW and a supervisor to make a set of rules, and then have them given to the Grandparents.

You are in a mess, good luck.