[Kezs]

ARRGHH!! Why do people think that just because a child is a foster kid, you can give them back at the first sign of trouble??? They are not some puppy that can't be trained so you get rid of it. They are kids, not toys or old clothes! You don't just toss children away, you treasure them!!!!

We have had so many people ask us why we are putting up with our STBAS Munchkin's problems when we could "just wait for an easier one." We have even had doctors ask us if we will keep him if the diagnosis they are concerned about is right. (The doctor at least was happy when he had to explain his question of "What happens if he has XXX." We didn't get it because giving him up has never crossed our minds, so tried to say we would research it, ect.)

Yes, he has problems. But he could have just as easily have been a biological child and we would have had to deal with it all. We didn't go into this to get a perfect child. We went into it to help children until they could go home, and to adopt children into our family. Yes, he is as much work as the little kids combined, but he is worth every minute of it.

I just want to tell them (ok, scream!) that he is not a PUPPY!!!!! We took him in, we love him, and darn it we are keeping him, issues and all!!!

I guess I am just so mad that someone could see a child as disposable just because I didn't give birth to him, when they would never even consider their own child that way.

OK, vent over. Just needed to get that off my back.

[rm41more]

Sounds like you have a great heart and the child you're caring for is lucky to have you in their lives. I don't think people think about the things they say sometimes.

The good thing about this scenario is thank goodness these people are NOT foster parents.

I have a friend that has been trying to get pregnant for the past 1 1/2 years. Now, she claims to be a devout Christian but when I suggested foster to adopt should she be unable to get pregnant her response is "uh no thanks I'll make my own perfect kids". I said ok no pressure but sometimes the plans we make for ourselves is not always the plan God has in store for us!

Hope you feel better soon

[rm41more]

Sounds like you have a great heart and the child you're caring for is lucky to have you in their lives. I don't think people think about the things they say sometimes.

The good thing about this scenario is thank goodness these people are NOT foster parents.

I have a friend that has been trying to get pregnant for the past 1 1/2 years. Now, she claims to be a devout Christian but when I suggested foster to adopt should she be unable to get pregnant her response is "uh no thanks I'll make my own perfect kids". I said ok no pressure but sometimes the plans we make for ourselves is not always the plan God has in store for us!

Hope you feel better soon

[ladyjubilee]

Originally Posted by Kezs

ARRGHH!! Why do people think that just because a child is a foster kid, you can give them back at the first sign of trouble??? They are not some puppy that can't be trained so you get rid of it. They are kids, not toys or old clothes! You don't just toss children away, you treasure them!!!!

No, children are not puppies...but then not ever family has the skill set to address every child's needs. I'm sure its not the case in your circumstance, but far to often parents just won't admit that they aren't able to handle a child's needs until its far too late. By far too late I mean until the child is even more damaged.

[kaspoo3992]

Originally Posted by ladyjubilee

No, children are not puppies...but then not ever family has the skill set to address every child's needs. I'm sure its not the case in your circumstance, but far to often parents just won't admit that they aren't able to handle a child's needs until its far too late. By far too late I mean until the child is even more damaged.

This is very true. I have seen this first hand. I have a very good friend who is also a foster parent. She has a huge heart, and lots of experience with younger children and is known to be a great advocate for the children in her care. About 8 months ago she was placed with her first 10 year-old girl. The child was diagnosed with RAD. This child had severe behaviors which affected not only the child but others in the home. My friend should have given notice on the child, but would not because she felt that was giving up.

Two weeks ago the 10 year-old attacked another 5 year-old FC In the home as well as my friend. The 10 year-old was again hospitalized for the 5th time. My friend would have taken this child back into her home. However, DHS decided to remove her from the home due to safety concerns. My friend was very angry and took this as a personal attack against her and is still appealing.

After the 10 year-old was removed it was founded that over the period of several months she had emotional and physically abused the 5 year-old. The 5 year-old had started to share things in therapy because she now felt safe without the 10 year-old in the home. The 5 year-old definitely has more traumas due to the 10 year-old. Due to the attack and additional trauma on the 5 year-old an investigation has been opened to assess if my friend is " too overly emotional" to foster or if she " has the skills to protect all children in her care."

There is a possibility my friend could lose the 5 year-old as well due to this situation. This is a child she had planned to adopt. I admire my friends love for these children, but there does come a time as FP's we need to be able to draw the line. Her pride may cost her both children.

[digmykids]

I agree with ladyjubilee. I see how you are feeling but there are so many families here, even on our BB that have had to disrupt for reasons they felt were best. That doesnt mean they think of kids as puppy's or anything less than perfect it just means they know they are not equiped to deal with that childs needs.
You are totally commited to your child and I think that's awesome, just remember that not everyone can handle behaviors the same Thank goodness this child came to you so he can become the best person possible!

(((hugs)))

Originally Posted by ladyjubilee

No, children are not puppies...but then not ever family has the skill set to address every child's needs. I'm sure its not the case in your circumstance, but far to often parents just won't admit that they aren't able to handle a child's needs until its far too late. By far too late I mean until the child is even more damaged.

[JackieN]

I can certainly understand your concern and I admire your dedication to your child. However, not every foster parent is equipped (or has the desire) to deal with every kind of issue a foster child may have. I am currently considering switching to straight foster care after a year of unsuccessfully waiting to be matched with a fost/adopt child. A big concern of mine is being placed with a child that is more than I can handle.

In my county, they try very hard to make sure that fost/adopt children (even those placed as concurrent planning) are matched with the right family. A family's name is only submitted for a child when the social worker believes it is a good fit...the family gets a full disclosure meeting prior to placement to learn about the child's background and medical/behavioral issues...transition visits occur prior to placement... in short, everything is done to make sure that the placement will not be disrupted and will lead to adoption if RU does not occur. With straight foster care, you don't get those protections. Oftentime, you only get a phone call saying "we have a 3 year old boy. Will you take him?" That's not a lot of information to go by when making such a decision. I would hate to have to disrupt any placement. I know that is terrible for the child. However, as a single working parent, I also cannot have a child in my home that disrupts my ability to earn a living.

In a perfect world, every foster parent would be able to find the strength and resources to care for any child that comes their way. But that's just not reality.