[mandylei]

So I need some info and thoughts from all you wonderful peeps!

One of my great friends decided him and his partner would go through DCF like we are to adopt. They have been waiting and have had some calls, one teaming but nothing else.

Sooooo, They get a call last night from their worker saying there is a sib set of 2 girls 3 and 4 CC and they are legally free. They are having an emergency teaming tomorrow (today) and they NEED to be placed that night! Of course he calls me in a panic all excited wondering what to do??

So I ask him what he knows... All they told him was right now they seem healthy and that they have to be removed from current foster/pre-adoptive home ASAP. Not a good fit? And that there are only three families being considered for this teaming?

THAT'S IT???? I think something is fishy here. First off, we team here with 5 families. I am SURE there are hundreds of waiting pre-adoptive families here wanting 2 CC healthy girls. Something seems off they would only consider 3 families. Also, they said they were not going to give them a full disclosure meeting prior to placement. (Which I'm pretty sure is the law here) and they could not see their files prior to placement either! How is this possible?? They ended up turning it down due to lack of info and being such short notice.

I guess I am looking for your thoughts and input. He did find out that TPR happened summer of 2011 and the family was to adopt...but now DCF feels it is not in children's best interest?

I don't know....hmmmmmm

[going2bparents]

Wonder if something happened with the foster family? An allegation? Or if there are behavior issues with the girls? I am leaning more toward something with the placement though. Strange....

[Withay]

Unless they are in the same area as you I wouldn't say it is too odd to only consider three families. Where I am from the committee always has 1, 2 or 3 families. It is also possible that from the pool of general applicants that only three families were identified as being a 'good fit'.

It is one family if it is the current foster family and there are no identified relatives.

If there are relatives then sometimes the current foster family and relative family are both presented at committee.

If the current foster family doesn't want to adopt and there are no identified relatives, then three families from the general applicant pool (preselected for that specific child or children) are presented.

It is also possible that dhs has been working behind the scenes to identify three families to present at committee and none of them were given advance notice because of the sensitive case (having to be removed from an identified pre-adoptive home). It is entirely possible that the pre-adoptive home wasn't aware that the placement was going to be disrupted.

As for not getting the full disclosure meeting prior to placement, that makes sense if the children have to be removed immediately. It would seem to make more sense though for dhs to place them in a shelter home (foster home) until the selected family had the disclosure meeting. I can see where dhs might not want to do this though in an effort to reduce the number of moves these littles ones would have to go through.

[Fostermom22]

I agree w/PP that it may not be odd to have only 3 families. Here you do not normally even attend staffings and I know there were 3 being considered for the 2 kiddos I have that were narrowed down as a "good fit". I did not get info (or much detailed info) until after I accepted placement...then they came out to my home to meet w/me.

[ImpactingLives]

Well...I'm with you, the description you've given throws up all sorts of red flags to me.

1) If their state is like mine, they don't really like to TPR without an adoptive family in the wings. So going on that assumption, I'd have to wonder why exactly the other family is not adopting. Why back out now 7 (or so) months later? Of course they may not be backing out, but it's odd to say the least.

2) Why is it such an emergency, why do they have to move the kids so fast? That's what makes me wonder about allegations, behaviors, etc.

The number of people doesn't bother me that much.

[TemporaryMom]

Originally Posted by ImpactingLives

Well...I'm with you, the description you've given throws up all sorts of red flags to me.

1) If their state is like mine, they don't really like to TPR without an adoptive family in the wings. So going on that assumption, I'd have to wonder why exactly the other family is not adopting. Why back out now 7 (or so) months later? Of course they may not be backing out, but it's odd to say the least.

2) Why is it such an emergency, why do they have to move the kids so fast? That's what makes me wonder about allegations, behaviors, etc.

The number of people doesn't bother me that much.

I agree. And to say it isn't a good fit after such a long placement, I suspect something major happened and they need emergency placement now. At those ages, I'd not suspect the children of doing something. I hate to suspect the worse, but I do. Wow, I don't know that I would have been able to say no, that is my dream, a 2 and 3 yo girl.

[LLLmom]

Our now adopted boys had to be moved the same day and it was not anything bad- mostly a fight between the former foster parents and the dcyf nurse that ended in the babies needing moved that day. They weren't TPRed yet but dcyf also knew that they were pre adoptive from the start. So it could be a big range of reasons why. We were I think the only home they called. I had happened to call earlier in the day reopening us.

[peskie]

Originally Posted by LLLmom

Our now adopted boys had to be moved the same day and it was not anything bad- mostly a fight between the former foster parents and the dcyf nurse that ended in the babies needing moved that day. They weren't TPRed yet but dcyf also knew that they were pre adoptive from the start. So it could be a big range of reasons why. We were I think the only home they called. I had happened to call earlier in the day reopening us.

sounds like they were just MEANT to be with you!!

[CRAZY_WOMAN]

I'm thinking the family got turned in,there trying to find a good home for these girls.Everyone may want white girl,but not every one wants 3 off them.That's why they may have less families wanting them.I would have said yes since there were related and young.

[luvbeingamom]

In our area, they don't TPR until there is an adoptive resourse named. They told us to speak up prior to the hearing if we could not adopt my FFS. We were blown away at the stress and work of preemie twins, and realized that parenting 5 little ones 2 1/2 and under was going to be very, very difficult. We made the call that we couldn't do it and they would have to find a new pre adoptive home for him. (he was a straight foster when he was placed was RU and it failed)

I'm sure his adoptive family was worried about red flags. I was able to talk to them and assure them it had nothing to do with my precious FFS. He was a bit hyperactive like many kids in the system and threw tantrums, but nothing out of the ordinary. He was also funny, loving, and smart. Anyone would count themselves lucky to adopt him.

Is there any way they could talk directly to the foster-adopt home?

[Mommy2NoneHopefully1]

With us we got a call about 2 CC girls, 6 months & 2. They are foster to adopt but are likely to have TPR as neither parent has worked their plan. They were moved in 1 day because the home they had been in that was planning to adopt them was getting divorced very suddenly. They only considered 2 families also. We brought home 2 beautiful healthy little girls 2 1/2 weeks ago! I didn't even know the basics like their race or history when I agreed to take them. Even though we aren't in the clear yet I have NO regrets. Maybe this is just meant to be for you friend!

[farmchick]

I know at least two foster parents who had preadoptive placements and sudden removals for nothing really weird, just health crises, usually in the foster Mom and Dad couldn't deal alone.

[mandylei]

Thanks for the replies...th eonly additional info I did find out was that it had something to do with the foster family...who WAS to adopt but something happened and DCF decided that it wasn't the best placement for them.

Anyway, my friend turned them down. Oh well...