[Mama2Gia]

Back in Dec DYFS had bonding evals scheduled for Curly with her mom, dad and us. Dad didn't show. They rescheduled him for yesterday. Didn't show. I know this is most likely going to postpone trial which is supposed to be coming up in a few weeks. So frustrating. Curly does NOT have a good relationship with her father. He is very inconsistent in her life and she is afraid of him because of how inappropriate he is with her when he does come to visits. Needless to say I was not looking forward to this bonding eval and what it was going to do to her. Top it off they put it on a day she is in daycare. And when her CW is on vaca. So we prep her. ALLLL about what is supposed to happen. So SOMEONE is going to pick you up from school (which she will hate on multiple levels) and take you to the office (that she doesn't know) to play with daddy (who she is petrified of) with a Dr (that she doesn't know) watching! YAY best day ever!! Thank god they had the sense to wait for him before pickin her up. She never even realized it didn't happen! So they are scheduling for later. UGH. Can we just rule the man out based on the fact that he can't manage to show up or even CALL about these evals mixed in with his recent and not so recent history?

It seems to me like putting a little mouse in a cage with a snake and throwing a clear plastic cup over him. He has NO idea he isn't in real danger, is going to be messed up a little from the experience- JUST to prove that a snake isn't the best choice to raise poor little mouse.

[Scrapsathome]

We've decided, through years of disappointments, not to prep kids for parent visits. Even now, after adoption, we don't let them know that family is coming. If they show, the kids deal with it, but if they don't show up, then the kids aren't needlessly freaked out.

What blows me away is how many times the relative or parent shows up for visits and acts incredibly inappropriate (e.g. threatening security guards, screaming at CW, bringing alcohol along, etc) but the kids still get sent home eventually.

[digmykids]

I'm sorry (((hugs))) I havent had to deal with those types of evaluations but I've sure had my share of no show parents and it's not fun for anyone.
Our FFC had o be driven over 45 min away to see their dad and there were several times he didnt show. UGH!
Glad your little Curly didnt realize what she missed!

[Mama2Gia]

d

Originally Posted by Scrapsathome

We've decided, through years of disappointments, not to prep kids for parent visits. Even now, after adoption, we don't let them know that family is coming. If they show, the kids deal with it, but if they don't show up, then the kids aren't needlessly freaked out.

The ONLY time I have ever seen a difference in Curly's mood or attitude was after the visit that her dad showed up for the first time after MONTHS of not. Some of that time he was in prison, some he just didn't go. I KNEW something was up when I picked up Curly because she was sooo OFF. When I talked to the CW and she told me about how Curly acts when he is around and the horrible reaction she had to him showing up- I made it my job to never let her be unprepared for it again. She can just be relieved when he doesn't.
This particular visit was going to be worse because she was going to have to go into a room alone with him and the psychologist (a stranger.) I am so glad it didn't happen and hope it never does. And if the reschedule it and he does show up one day- I hope that psychologist has the good sense to end it ASAP, or maybe never even let it get started. At least when he shows up at visits, mom is there. She apparently does a very good job of comforting Curly. I fear the trauma and damage being forced to be "alone" with him will do to this little girl.

[Kat-L]

Well..even if the bonding eval with dad were to go well, the cw can still bring up the fact that he didn't show up for two scheduled meetings. And that, along with his problem at visits, it's is a pretty good reflection on the kind of parent he will be to Curly. All of that will work in your favor if he decides to fight TPR