[mountaineermom]

Well my two STBADs are not bio related, and are about 7 months apart. One will be eligible to go to pre-k this coming fall. her bday is in June, so she will be the youngest in her class. She is small and has FASD and probable drug exposure. Right now, she doesnt not have any delays cogitively and her behavior at school is great. I am worried that once she reaches school age, this may change. Mostly I foresee her having problems socially rather than academically.
My other STBAD is 7 months younger, and also currently very bright, on track developmentally and doing great in preschool with kids her age. She was drug addicted at birth. With her birthday, she wont be eligle to start pre-k until next year.
So here is my question. Should I hold back on K (the oldest) and allow her to wait a year before starting Pre-K, thus being 6 when she starts kindergarten and then being the oldest in class, also she and C (the younger one) will be in the same class then. (where we live there is only one kindergarten per elementary school so they would definitely be in the same classroom) Or, allow K to be the youngest in her class (also the smallest and possibly the most immature down the road), and allow her to remain a year ahead of her "little sister"? Im am so torn about what is best for them. having them in the same class definietly has it's pros and cons, but with that scenario, I am mostly worried about creating competition academically between them and also hindering K by holding her back. Dh works in the school system and he has suggested that we could also keep C out a year and let her start kindergarten once she is 6 as well, keeping them one grade apart in school, but then C would be 6-7 yrs old in kindergarten. C potentially could also have problems in school because of her drug exposure, so maybe giving them both an extra year would be good? After having my FFD that was in kindergarten,
i found out that now even in kidergarten, kids can be brutal if someone is different, beihind, small, or immature. They both already have the cards stacked against them, I just dont want to make it worse on them! what do you think?

[hklb]

Why don't you keep them both back a year? That way both will be the oldest and more mature. And they will be able to retain their individuality by being in different classes.

Given the fact that both children have had a rough start in life with being exposed to drugs and alcohol in utero, I'd give them both every advantage and that would be to keep them both back a year. I realize that C would be almost 1.5 years older, but in the long run, she'll be better off. They both will.

That's what we plan to do if we get to adopt our present sibling group. They are all summer birthdays, however and this works better for summer birthdays.

Good luck on your decision.

[Nevada Jen]

I think you have to do what is best for each individual child. Personal I would start the younger one in pre-k next year but recognize that she may be doing 2 years of preK. I think I would want to keep them in different grades but it sounds like younger one may be ahead of the younger 1 academically so you may not have a choice but to put them in the same class. I'd be tempted to hold the younger one back a year also. I have a kiddo who is a june b-day but he is big and super smart so being the youngest in the class has not been an issue for him (although he is having some social issues this year in first grade, not sure why)

[mountaineermom]

I am also more inclined to hold them both back a year. I just dont want to hurt C by forcing her to be so much older than her peers and like I said in my OP, she is so smart and I think I she will be "ready" for kindergarten when she is 5. And I think K will be "smart" enough to start kindergarten at 5, just not mature enough to handle it. Although I know a lot can change with both of them in that time.

[OakShannon]

I would make the decision that is best for each individual child. If that means they are in the same kindy class, then it's not the end of the world. I've taught classes with sets of twins and it has not been a problem. Unless the girls are very competitive with one another or one really socially outshines the other, I would lean toward weighing their individual academic and social/emotional needs over the concern with them sharing a class.

[Howdy]

I'd definitely keep the older one back a year. My daughter has an August birthday and in fourth grade the math switched to abstractions that her brain was 4 months too young to have any chance of understanding. She had been great in math until then, but became math phobic from the school rushing the kids, and it took years before she had the confidence to believe she could understand math (she is a sophomore and this is the first year she is not having any trouble).

I think I would start both kids together. I went to school with twins and although they didn't seem to get along with each other, they stuck together against anyone who tried to pick on one. So maybe your younger child would help protect the older one from being treated badly.

[alys1]

I like the idea of having them in different classes. It's not just a question of how kindergarten plays out, but how all 7 elementary grades play out, right? You have to weigh 3rd grade and 6th grade also, right? (Not relevant if 2 classrooms in other grades.) If FASD daughter is likely to struggle with academics or social issues, I think it would be embarrassing to your other daughter. And I think it would be unfair because there could be an assumption that she would "caretake" her sister, whereas both should just be in school to learn. It should be the teacher's/assistant's job to teach.

For FASD daughter, if she's not keeping up academically or socially with your other daughter in the classroom, that could make her jealous, frustrated, angry, embarrassed, etc. FWIW, my aunt & uncle adopted a very bright child and a child who had been brain-damaged due to lack of oxygen at birth. They ended up 2-3 grades apart in school, they even let the second child change her "age" as reported to other children, because that was helpful to her.

Children are cruel to each other in schools, no matter what class either of them is in, that will be a factor. That's why there are anti-bullying programs in more and more schools these days. I would work to get something like that implemented if I could, because it can really make a difference.

[Ksaito]

Well I work in a school and I also have a child that is the youngest in his class. He started in Pre-K and I figured that I would probably end up holding him back because he is a little immature compared to the other children in his class, but I kept him in the same class so he would have a leg up when he started Kinder. Now that hes in Kinder, we've decided to move him up to first grade. Hes one of the best readers in his class and has a lot of friends. Hes come a long way! Personally I felt like this was the best decision we could have made for him because he would be bored stiff if we repeated next year which leaves the possibility of acting out simply because of boredom. If it were me, I would put her in Kinder and wait it out. You can always repeat next year and shell have that year to get used to the expectations of Kinder. It's really a big help for some of them. If it doesn't go well you can always take her out of Kinder and put her in Pre-K again. With that being said my child is also my bio child with no issues so I know your situation is way different then mine. You got to do what you feel is best for them

[Ksaito]

Whoops I read that wrong lol sorry just got out of work. I would put her in Pre k and wait it out, if t doesn't work out, you can take her out, but if you leave her in the whole year, she'll be more prepared which would probably benefit her in regard to next year if you held her back. Or she might be fine and move up. She might surprise you

[jeni-b]

I have a 7 yr old with a June birthday and FAE. We did not keep her back a year and now in 2nd grade I already regret it. She grasps new concepts quickly, but retaining them is hard for her now that the work is getting harder. We are homeschooling and because of that I can keep things at her pace. She would be lost I'm a regular classroom not because she isn't bright, but because she would be easily distracted. That extra year would give the chance to be more on par with her peers with attention span

[Live.and.Learn]

Sometimes when we hold the little ones back a year before starting kindergarten we forget what that means come high school.

It means that you have an 18 year old (legal adult) the senior year of high school. For a lot of kids that is no problem. For others it might be. They can legally sign themselves out of school or even drop out all together if they choose. As "adults" it is up to them. Something to consider.

[mythreesonsjmo]

While they might be able to sign themselves out of school, it doesn't change that fact that they still have to have excused absences and such like all the other kids, and parental phone calls, etc. There are a great many kids that turn 18 during the school year, most in fact, and allowing them to have the responsibility of showing up for their "job" without being forced, and doing so for a purpose isn't a bad lesson to learn. I don't that that really should be a factor in determining whether to hold a preK kiddo back. Most 18 year olds aren't ready for the real world, and having an extra year probably would benefit most.

[mountaineermom]

Well just found out that I cannot hold c back, her birthday would have to be before dec. in order to start kindergarten at 6. So now my two options are let k go at 5 (just turned 5) or start them at the same time. They would always be in the same classroom up until 5th grade. That's how small our elementary schools are.

[CelticMomma]

Originally Posted by Live.and.Learn

Sometimes when we hold the little ones back a year before starting kindergarten we forget what that means come high school.

It means that you have an 18 year old (legal adult) the senior year of high school. For a lot of kids that is no problem. For others it might be. They can legally sign themselves out of school or even drop out all together if they choose. As "adults" it is up to them. Something to consider.

In many states children can drop out prior to their 18th birthday without so called "parental" consent. Found that out when one of my students turned 16 and did just that. Her parents could try to enforce their rules of going to school but the school was no longer marking her absent or having consequences for those abences.

I was 18 when I graduated and it was a huge big deal to me when I turned in my own note for being sick. But it was kind of like that first drink thing. Was no longer a big deal But I had friends who took advantage of it big time.

[Live.and.Learn]

Having two in the same grade level is manageable.

As a mother of bio twin teen sons with summer birthdays I can tell you that we have had just about every possible configuration class wise. They have been in separate classrooms and the same class room. For awhile one was tag and the other wasn't. For awhile one had to be pulled out for speech therapy and the other wasn't. They started kinder at age 5 yr and 2 month.

Competition comes with the territory when you have two in the same grade level...but so does cooperation. They talk about assignments and remind each other of homework assignments. If one twin forgot their algebra book at school the other twin likely has his.

The most important thing is to treat each child as an individual and do what is best for them personally. Having two in the same grade is absolutely manageable and has it's positives and negatives.

Good luck.