[digmykids]

In my OP I got so much support and just felt so deeply the guidance and I do want to thank each and every one of you for that support and help.
In one of the post's it was advised to NOT send an email and the reasoning was that it was easy for them to copy and share or send off to other CW's and the like.
I honestly wouldnt have thought of that but after that post it made me think really hard and I have not emailed anyone but the supervisor and that was only to ask for a time to come in to talk.
Today is Monday and Tuesday of last week I started asking to meet with Supervisor. NO response as of yet. 1 email and 2 phone msg's have been left.
I want your honest and blunt feedback and advice on this next question and I know you all will give it which is what I love about this BB!

My thought is (at this point) to consider emailing the CW I think is involved in this (poo poo'ing others to place with us) though I cannot prove it's this one CW I think it is.

Just email this CW with what my goals are and how I want to be perceived and what I want to accomplish and how I can work on past problems if they would give me another chance.
Now I can go that route without naming any other names, or finger pointing or any attitude...OR I can go ahead and wait and try to get with supervisor tomorrow and tell supervisor the same thing I would tell CW and hope it works.
Not sure what is the best route but I know I told supervisor that I'd be in tomorrow at a certain time (in phone msg) and it's my plan to be there at that time. Should I just wait and talk to supervisor first and see what they say? Or should I go ahead and email the suspected CW and kiss butt there?
I'd love your takes on this.
Thanks so very much!

Wanted to ad that since I've not talked at all to the supervisor I have NO clue if supervisor will even be in tomorrow when I go there.

ETA: Baby just left with Visit Supervisor (VS) and she is nice and we are friends (not close but enough) well I asked her if she knew
what the deal was and she said she's heard nothing. Not sure I believe her but have to take it for what it's worth. Told her I will work on what ever I need to but I've gotta know what it is that has been a problem first. I sure as heck hope it was not a mistake to talk to her about that.

[MomInCorazon]

I'd wait. If the supervisor isn't there tomorrow you can reexamine and decide if sending the email to that CW is a good choice at that point.

[Fostermom22]

I agree, I would attempt to speak with the supervisor tomorrow and see where that goes.

[MommysHeart]

In my own experience, anyone having to do with visitation LOVES to know what is going on with you, the kiddos, their cases, ect, as they get such little info on anything but visits, and even that little bit may or may not be accurate if coming from birth parents. However, sharing any info really is NOT a good idea, as my DH and I paid dearly for a simple, very innocent comment I made at one point, that was twisted and mis-quoted to a supervisor....you get the point, I'm sure. On the other hand though, they seem to love to share the info they get ahold of, so maybe the fact that you were very clear on your willingness to sort out any issues there are, ect will make it up the chain to the right people. Could be the best thing, you never know!

And I second what the others were saying too, I'd try to wait for the supervisor, and meet face to face if at all possible. If you e-mail the CW, and it is taken wrong, or mis-quoted, twisted, ect to the supervisor before you get a chance to talk with them directly, that could be really bad. Praying for you that everything works out Ok. Hang in there, Dig!

[phxmama]

I hope you will take this post as my attempt to give you sincere feedback that will help and not as an attack. It is not meant in anyway to be one.

My advice would be to just cool down and let things mellow. As a previous poster noted, when workers change and placements get busy they will call. It has only been a week since you first posted about being “blacklisted”. This thought was apparently confirmed by a case worker for one of your current placements. You are now totally up in arms about this “affront” and ready to confront the supposedly annoyed cw and/or their supervisor. You have called and emailed the supervisor with requests for a meeting. You have not gotten a response but indicated you would be in to talk at a certain time tomorrow.

If I was the supervisor I would be thinking the following:
1. If no one has reported any concerns about you to me and now you come and want to talk to me, I am going to ask my case workers “what is going on with digmykids” ? Why does she want to meet with me? If they say nothing and you come in with your blacklisted spiel, I am then going to wonder “why you are so upset when you currently have two placements? (so what if you have three openings, this is not my concern) I am going to wonder if you are financially dependent on having all of your beds filled and this is going to be a big red flag and I would immediately start getting concerned. If you then come to me accusing a specific worker of black listing you and saying you will “work on your issues”, I am going to be wondering what in the heck is going on at your house that you are so paranoid about and what haven’t the case workers told me about? If I hear you have been talking to the visitation workers, again with the black listing talk with a negative bent regarding one of my workers, I am going to be even more concerned. If I find out one of my workers shared with you that you are being “blacklisted” that is going to be a big problem for that worker and subsequently that worker is not going to be too happy with you, either.

2. If the worker(s) tell me they do not like to place with you because “xyz” I am not going to share that with you when you come in at your announced time, unless it is a reason that makes me want to do some type of corrective action in regard to your license and consider removing your current kids. I will simply say that we try to make our placements based on the needs of the kids and we don’t currently have any placements that would fit in your home. Again if you start talking about being blacklisted and problems with the worker, I am probably going to join the worker in not wanting to place with you unless we have to make a placement and there is no other choice. Again I am going to wonder why you are so frantic about having a full house and no empty beds---again is it about the interest of the children or filling your beds?

So, what can you do? Stop freaking out. It has not been that long. I have gone months without a placement and then had times when I was turning away placements right and left, having my choice of placements. I have mostly had empty beds because it is not about filling beds it is about the kids needing placement, the kids I have right now, and what works best from them and my family. Start doing a bang up job with the kids you have. Be cooperative and helpful. Don’t be talking about being blacklisted or otherwise gossiping with visit workers or case workers about other case workers. Do your venting about them here---that is what these boards are for! Focus totally on the needs of the kids. Only go to the supervisor when there is a problem that has to do with a child in your care. I am sure it is not your intention, but if I was the supervisor, your current actions would lead me to believe this is all about filling your beds and your needs, not the needs of the kids in care. This is not the impression you want to make. If anything just mention that you have openings from time to time and leave it at that. Filled beds come and go. It is only about the kids.
Best wishes,
Phxmama

[1peekaboo]

@phxmama- I am newly licensed and have yet to receive my first placement. I just wanted to thank you for your post because I believe that it not only helps with the OP's "Blacklist" problem but also tells me to not be so rushed to have a placement and not to take things so personally. It's only been a month and I'm already thinking "they don't like me, my home isn't good enough, I'm not young enough, etc..." Fact is, it's just not my time and I'll continue to be patient. I'll also remember to not be defensive in the future because I may just end up coming off like you described and I certainly don't want that. Thanks Again. You've helped me more than you know :-)

[digmykids]

Phxmama, when you start your post off with

"I hope you will take this post as my attempt to give you sincere feedback that will help and not as an attack. It is not meant in anyway to be one."

It sets the tone for one to think it's just that.

It has never been about full beds, it's always about helping children. We do not need the money and our income statement proves that and the supervisor is privvy to our homestudy and everything in our paperwork.
We have had open spaces to help kids for 1 1/2 months (2 places) 2 weeks with 3 places.
I did speak with our supervisor today and I did speak with her candidly. I never said anything about confronting or accusing in my posts. Maybe it came across like that is what I planned on doing.
I had mentioned emailing the CW who I was sure was involved and just putting forth my willingness to grow and work on issues so I can be a better foster parent.
I dont think in any of my posts on this that I mentioned pointing fingers or accusing anyone, if I did I didnt mean to. My want to speak with the supervisor was to get some feedback so that I could work on what ever issue made my home non desirable.
I've been pondering this for several weeks when it hit me that we were getting no calls after getting calls every other day...yes it's drastically noticable and when I did notice I held quiet for some time to ride it out.
I never mentioned black listed to anyone IRL. That was the only term I could think of for here to get the point across.
Just done. I'll update on my talk with supervisor later.

Night all.

[mandylei]

Originally Posted by phxmama

My advice would be to just cool down and let things mellow. Stop freaking out.

I am going to agree here. While they may be calling you a lot less than they were before, I think you may be reading too much into it. And if they truly are holding out on you because of something you did or said, then time will allow things to settle and you can pour your energy and positive parenting into the two placements you have...proving you CAN be someone they want to work with. Reputations speak for themselves...yours will speak loud and clear if you just be a role model and lie low.

You are worried. I get it. But I would not go in tomorrow to any visit with this supervisor when someone hasn't called you back...unless you have to go in for something else. I also would not email this CW you suspect might be the cause. You have no proof, just suspicion and you may come across in a tone through email that you don't want portrayed. You have posted at least three times about being blacklisted and I'm afraid this anger and frustration will come back to bite you if you keep pushing your county whether through emails, phone calls or in person conversations. Word gets around...so just lie low!

Good luck!

[digmykids]

I mentioned early on that we had 1 child here and that is the baby. My siggy was wrong but my post (not sure which) said we have 1 placement.
I came here to freak out and vent and talk because it's suppose to be the place for it. I was throwing things around here to get it off my chest and get feedback.
If calming down and not freaking was easy to do I wouldnt have come here. Easy to tell someone else to calm and stop freaking but when it's that persons dream that is possibly coming to an end....well lets just say it's not so easy to sit back and let someone else handle your future.
I've had support through IM and I'll continue my support on this issue there.

ETA: going in tomorrow was coinsiding with a visit so I would be there anyway!

[BAC4343]

I recently had a meeting with my CWs boss who is the head of the organization for my area and I will tell you I got nowhere. I think it may have actually hurt more than helped because now my CW is even madder at us than before and she is the one that recommends what happens to the kids. None of the problems were corrected and she said that she would discuss some of our concerns in their staff meeting, but defended her staff. Basically she said foster parents have no standing and no rights. The state CW does not have to ensure that you are not harrassed and cussed out by the birth family and when the birth family yells and says inappropriate things to the kids it is just part of the process. I asked why the birth parents never had any charges for the severe abuse and the answer I got was no one ever officially reported it!!! They have a non-answer to everything and you get nowhere.

I will say that we were asked to email an agenda of what we wanted to discuss before the meeting and I found out that email was forwarded to everyone from the other CWs to the birth family and their lawyers. Anything you send in an email becomes public. I was a little upset by that, but everything I wrote was true with established facts. It is just so sickening that the system continually refuses to change and actually help the kids.

[digmykids]

Amen! My goal in talking with our supervisor may have been along the wrong lines but my intent was to disclose and put out there our willingness to evolve so we can be
Better at what we do and who we work with.
this really is my heart!
This should never be about parents rights. Always about the kids but its not, we need to make changes and do more.
So tired tonight but I wanted to agree with you!!!

Originally Posted by BAC4343

I recently had a meeting with my CWs boss who is the head of the organization for my area and I will tell you I got nowhere. I think it may have actually hurt more than helped because now my CW is even madder at us than before and she is the one that recommends what happens to the kids. None of the problems were corrected and she said that she would discuss some of our concerns in their staff meeting, but defended her staff. Basically she said foster parents have no standing and no rights. The state CW does not have to ensure that you are not harrassed and cussed out by the birth family and when the birth family yells and says inappropriate things to the kids it is just part of the process. I asked why the birth parents never had any charges for the severe abuse and the answer I got was no one ever officially reported it!!! They have a non-answer to everything and you get nowhere.

I will say that we were asked to email an agenda of what we wanted to discuss before the meeting and I found out that email was forwarded to everyone from the other CWs to the birth family and their lawyers. Anything you send in an email becomes public. I was a little upset by that, but everything I wrote was true with established facts. It is just so sickening that the system continually refuses to change and actually help the kids.