[manderzmcg79]

So...

We've had McBaby since he was two days old, home from the hospital. Hence, no abuse, trama, etc.

McBaby has a multitude of biological siblings. We've gotten to know nearly all of them (we're talking double digits). 80% of the older kids have diagnosed bipolar disorder, though it's more aggressive behavior than the manic episodes. All of the older kids were abused and neglected in their biological family homes.

So here I have this amazing, wonderful, love him to death, two year old. And, as most two year olds go, he's desiring independence and learning that everything is his (well, you know). However--when he doesn't get his way he hits, throws himself down onto whatever surface he's on, spasms like crazy, kicks whoever's around, etc. He's super violent (to himself and others) compared to most two year olds that I see. However--with that, I also don't live with most two year olds, so I don't know how they are 100% of the time.

My question here is: with a family history of agression issues... what do you do? Assume it's typical two year old behavior (could be?), seek therapy?

We're having him re-evaluated in a month to see if he qualifies for behavioral therapy. He's in speech therapy as he has a significant delay (which was what we attributed the initial burst of aggression towards--not being able to vocalize his needs).

Any advice?

We do time out's now, though they don't seem to work--after his time out he's even more violent. CW said "keep putting him into time out each time he gets violent". If we do that--he'll be in it all day, which isn't solving anything. (frustrating).

[blueflower]

Not sure about the aggessiveness, but as for the lack of talking I would suggest learning some signs. This was recommended with our FS came to us at 3. He has a speech delay and would throw tantrums. The therapist said that some of it may be from behavior but some may be from not being able to communicate. So she taught us a few simple ones and encouraged us to check out "signing time", which is a video series that covers signs on all different topics.

Some of the signs we learned were: more, eat, drink, "all done" and "I want". When our other FS started PT I used the sign for "potty" to go along with the verbal statement that it was "potty break time". We have also learned a few colors, the sign for "boy", "girl", "friends", and a few others. Those came from oldest FS's preschool teacher (early childhood). She uses them in her class and he picks up on them. We always used the words along with the sign, but it did help alleviate some of the reasons for tantrums.

Our 2yo FS will also scream and cry if we tell him no, but there is no hitting or harm coming from it ... unless you are holding the item he wants while he is trying to take it. He may bite you then. Hasn't happened often and now when I see he is going to do it I dare him to bite hard. That usually takes the control away from him and he doesn't bite. We also tell him to go whine in another room and come back when he is done. Sometimes this will get him to stop. Other times we have to help him to the other room. If no one is listening, then whining isn't so much fun.

[jcm]

I have an almost 2 year old biter and hitter, so I feel your pain. She doesn't do it every time we tell her know, so it's kind of a surprise when it happens.

Cam also has a delay in speech, and has a speech therapist. The ST tells me that the tantrums and violence come from frustration, which completely makes sense. I have also done a fair amount of reading and found that when I try the "show me", she will take me to what she wants.

If it's a time I have said "No", I also get on her level and mirror her feelings of anger and frustration. I say "Cam is angry she can't have XXX! She's frustrated!" It sounds silly, but if you think about it, even little kids want to be heard!

Time outs don't work for us. She has zero problem sitting by herself, and finds it amusing. I spend a lot of my time heading off the tantrums. Anticipating hunger and sleepiness has gone a long way in helping...as Cam LOVES to eat.

Just this morning she had a MELT DOWN because I refused to take her baby doll stroller outside, as we were headed to church. I told her "yes, you may take the stroller outside when we get home"...so she didn't hear the word "no". Of course, I had already said the dreaded "no" word, so she was kicking and screaming all the way to the car. I then mirrored her anger and frustration, and was shocked by how fast the screaming and kicking stopped. It's been a process, I've been working on those things for several months now, and it helps 90% of the time.

Best wishes on figuring this out. It IS very frustrating and angering for us adults!

[jmd5294]

My 2 1/2 y.o. son is a lot less aggressive when he gets a TON (think an hour a day or more) of running around outside, jumping on his trampoline several times/day, swinging on the swings, etc-- think lots of sensory input throughout the day.
We have an indoor trampoline, plasma car, sit n' spin, an outdoor swing set, fort, slide, and lots of space to run around. We also have a dog who loves to play. He goes to swimming once a week and gymnastics once a week. He goes to a preschool playgroup twice a week. If he doesn't get enough energy out, we see it come out as aggression.

I'm not dismissing the thought of psych issues-- just saying this has helped our son tremendously (and psych issues have not been ruled out for him yet, either).

[2xaround]

Have you tried time-in instead of time-out?

[SouthernLady85]

When kids don't have good verbal skills many will act out physically. Sometimes it is hard to figure out the best way to help them express themselves, but he does need to know that the negative behaviors are inappropriate. Check out the book "1,2,3 magic" ... I've found it to be very helpful.

[Momoftwoboyz]

My son (bio) was aggressive to other children from 18 months to 2.5 yrs. He was MEAN. Got kicked out of a preschool for pushing other kids! I was mortified! We couldnt do play places, parks, or anywhere there were other kids his age or younger. THEN at 2.5, he turned back into the sweetest kid. Since that age he has been the gentlest, more caring child I have ever known. He gets awards at school every year for his "compassionate nature" and "caring attittude". I have no idea why he started being such a bully at 18 months (it wasnt speech issues, he was talking in 3-4 word sentences at 18 months!) I was so glad when it simply went away!
Hope it goes that way for you.... sorry I have no advice, but wanted to let you know that sometimes it resolves on its own.