[BAC4343]

Just wondering if anyone had any feedback on why the foster/adoption system is so messed up and has been for years? It wasn't until I became a foster parent that I started learning all the horrible things that go on and have been going on for years and yet no one has stepped in to change anything. Why don't people speak up and stand up against this failing system? Why is what happens never reported? I am so disgusted and don't even know where to begin. My foster kids are going back into the same abusive, drug infested birth family they were rescued from a year ago and nothing has changed. They are going to give the birth family another chance. How many chances do they need to give? These kids were so damaged the last time. How many times do they have to go into foster care because of abuse before someone finally says that's enough.

In our local foster support group every foster parent carries a similar story. What can we do to actually help these kids and not just be the babysitters until the CWs decide the kids are ready to go back for another round?

[smit8211]

You raise a good question. I wish I had answers! I am in the process of becoming a foster parent (so excited!). I know first hand that the system is broken, as we are also in the process (18months & counting) of trying to get a family member OUT of foster care! You would think that if a fit & willing relative was in the picture that the system would be excited to hand over a child from foster care....but that's not so easily done... I agree that the BPs are given too many "chances" which often results in the child being damaged. How do we promote change? I wish I knew...

[Rosey23]

I would not call my system broken. I am lucky to be in a county that I think runs very well. It is slower then I'd like at times. Parenting with the whole team can be frustrating at times but I also get to work with some specialist that are top in their field and have 24/7 support. I have a fabulous CW, we did not click with our first one and requested a new one and got a new one.

I know not all systems run like this, but I like to throw my story out as my experiences have been great.

[StephanieMB]

That is a million dollar question. I've pondered the same thing myself.

There are groups... Indiana has one called IFCAA, other states probably have similar groups... Who advocate for changes and I recommend getting involved. If we each put our shoulder to the wheel, we can make a difference.

[TemporaryMom]

Here, the squeaky mouse gets blacklisted, that is why nobody speaks out. I know it seems odd to come from me with Chubbs, one of the few cases I know of where the system did what it should have done, but my county is a mess.

If you want my honest truth, it is all about money. If they really followed the ASFA, which is not the best guidelines anyway, why even give 15 months to some families, but if they followed it to a T, and there weren't so many loop holes in it, children like my girls would have been adopted, and been able to live in a good and loving family. But, had they terminated at 15 months and let me adopt a month later, that is what 13 months that they would not have needed case workers, SAR evaluators, home aids, judges, lawyers. See what I mean. There'd be a lot less folks involved if they just simply followed the ASFA.

I highly recommend you read Nobody's CHildren By Elizabeth Bartholet. You'd be amazed what the people-in-the-know really do know and believe about the system.

[digmykids]

I am the squeaky wheel and I am black listed! For the moment anyway. I'm not even sure why I'm black listed but I can sure as heck tell you this....if I am indeed black listed (and it wont take much longer to for sure find out) I can promise you that I will be calling everyone and every state person I can find!
If I start to scream and yell for my reasons then you can bet I'll be screaming and yelling for all the reasons!

UGH!

[UTbrie]

Simple reason things haven't changed....there is no one able to speak out against the injustices due to strict confidentiality when it comes to foster children and what goes on in the case. (Like my horrible caseworker and case progression for example!)

Who can we tell that will provoke a response? Not the taxpayers, not the media. The only recourse we have for our kids are CW supervisors or an ombudsman if you have one.

And we all know how far that gets us.

Parental rights trump kids safety and well being.

[Hoping2adoptsibs]

Politicians won't publicly address it because they are afraid the media will portray someone that was on drugs and abusive that miraculously became a saint right before the adoption and the evil courts and evil adoptive parents ripped the children away from the poor mother that turned her entire life around. No politician wants anything that could turn the public against them, even if it is one story out of a million that could bite them in the butt.

IMO, that is why nothing gets fixed.

[mythreesonsjmo]

Well there used to be a lot of abuses in the system to the other extreme also. Children removed and parents didn't have much of a chance to get them back. A lady I know was a foster parent in the 70s and they would get a child and change their name, keep them for a while and then send them onto an adoptive family, only to have their name changed again... Having a name changed is one thing, of course, but they had to get some rules in place to correct those issues, to give parents a chance, or other family members, but now it has swung around in the totally opposite direction, and it is NOT about the children's rights, it is about money, or the lack of it. Bureaucracy piled on top of bureaucracy without changing the rules that don't work, and instead piling more on top of the ones that don't to try to negate the issues...like a FP said, we need to stick to the federal guidelines - and it might really actually start looking more like the rights of the children were important...

[Teacher8]

OMG!!! I almost put this same rant up the other day. I found out some disturbing info about the way our FFD, Cuddlebug's, case is being handled and I was livid!!!! Add that to what happened to Sweetie Pie, and the fact that DQ is supposedly being RU'ed with an abuser, and I was ready to fly to D.C. and have it out with whomever is in charge overall.
I am so tired of it being about the parents and not the kids. I feel like "CHILD Protective Services" is really "PARENTS Protective Services" because the parent's rights are always being put before the child's best interest. It makes me sick. I wish I knew how to make a difference, but like others have said, speak up and risk being blacklisted.

[BoysParent]

BAC,
We just went through the exact same situation with our two FS'. CPS removed them from an abusive, unstable, drug infested mess of a situation only to turn around 18 months later and drive like hell to put them right back. It's rediculous. Another FP said it right..it's not Child Protective Services...it's Parent Protective Services.

We did everything from hiring an attorney (as well as "other" legal help) and the facts we presented in court about the birthparent were STILL ignored and CPS placed the kids back with their unfit, unstable, dangerous biomom.

The others are correct in that they love being FP's and love helping these kids, but if they start blowing whistles, they'll get blacklisted. I think the best suited for speaking out are people who no longer have anything to lose. Like "former" FPs or someone who is not a FP who knows about how messed up the system really is.

Just my opinion. I don't think anyone has all the answers. Something needs to change though...that's for sure.

[TemporaryMom]

Originally Posted by BoysParent

The others are correct in that they love being FP's and love helping these kids, but if they start blowing whistles, they'll get blacklisted. I think the best suited for speaking out are people who no longer have anything to lose. Like "former" FPs or someone who is not a FP who knows about how messed up the system really is.

Just my opinion. I don't think anyone has all the answers. Something needs to change though...that's for sure.

Yep. And another thing, I think teen-agers who age-out, but who were put in foster care the first time prior to age 6, should file class action lawsuits against the state. We all know that it is very RARE for children under 6 to not be adopted by their foster parents. Yes, it happens, extreme cases of RAD and/or SA, but those are more rare. That is why it is such a long wait for us F2A parents. So, let's say child comes in at age 2, they get RU after 18 months, back into care at age 4, still within the 15/22, they get RU again at age 5, then removed again at age 6, wait around, and TPR finally happens at age 8 or 9. This is not unusual in my area. But, even by that age, the child has so much baggage and trouble, not always, but often, and has likely been switched between several foster homes the last stint, that they suddenly become one of those children we all see on the waiting list and wondering why that beautiful child has not been adopted.

Eventually, they age out. But, let's say that same child had been Adopted out after TPR occurred at 12 months, which is my states "official" time, and then they had a chance to leave a happy life with a good family. So basically, the state, in their refusal to follow the federal timelines, and their own timelines, failed the child and subjected them to abuses and a life of emotional heck.

If enough kids came forward, and repeated this same story, and we all know that they are out there, then even one "mom got it together at the last minute and stopped the adoption" story can't hardly put a dent in the real picture that these kids could present.

As with many things in this country, it takes a lawsuit to get the laws changed.

I still think that our timelines are far too generous. With the exception of EXTREME situations, say a parent is medically unable to care for their child and/or work a case plan, any parent who cannot work their plan and get their kids back after 6 months, that should be it, maybe as long as 9 months, depending on the hold-up. If the parents aren't even coming to visits, doing anything, then stop it at 3 months. I should say, I say this for those kids under 4 or 5. Give them a chance to have a good life. The longer timelines are probably appropriate for the older children.

One big issue, and something that CPS uses regularly as an excuse, is that they have to be able to PROVE that they did everything possible to support RU. As has been cases on here, in some communities, the wait to get into Rehab programs is so long that the parents can't possibly complete it and get the rest of their plan worked within 15 months. And then if the parent doesn't even show up for a few months, or fails to take advantage of anything the state provides, then the state still says "well, we gotta keep trying to get them to do it." Instead of just saying "hey, she canceled three housing appoints, we are done helping." (Yep, my girls' bio mom canceled more than 3 appoints to look for housing.)

I know some communities don't have as many resources as others, but goodness, here they not only provide transportation to/from visits for the bios, transportation to/from other appointmentss (SARs, court, etc.) they provide housing assistance, GED training, parental training classes, parent mentors, get them set up with furniture when they do get housing, will help pay for rent deposit, and on and on. It is insane, and still these parents don't complete their plans, and they give them extension after extension.

Two years ago, the "services" provided to bios made up more than 40% of our agencies total operating budget. That is more than the agency paid out for in-home foster care and "agency foster care." (Here we have standard county homes, and then private agency homes that cost more.)

I could go on and on and on but you all have probably stopped reading already... ;-)

[Hoping2adoptsibs]

Another issue is the constant purposeful delay by family members stepping up knowingly dragging their feet, getting the news they won't be approved and 3-4 months later another family member decides to halfheartedly step up....so on and so on. I just read a profile where this delayed everything for 4 years. Just on that. The kids were in the system since 2003 and just now they are looking for adoptive families. 9 years! That should be illegal.

[CaddoRose]

The system won't change until the laws, the judges, the CW's, CPS, all and everybody involved are educated with existing psychological principles that cover children and are educated about the causes of abuse, neglect and addiction. That's the short of it.

The laws are made by people who know nothing at all about the science of the brain and brain formation. They know nothing about child development. They know nothing about anything that remoting resembles what could possibly be in the best interest of a child. This is why a cild is sent back to a addict parent who has onply seen 6 weeks of treatment, the child is not given the needed therapies because "they are too young to have those issues", and parents are given month after month, year after year to get it together, but never given the tools in order to truly change.

One day, maybe the law will reflect the current known scientific knowledge of the day, but I do not see that happening anytime soon. Probably not in my lifetime(and I think I've got about 50 more years). The system would need a radical overhaul and change,(like our education system) and that wouild take a sudden miracle to occur.

[MassachusettsMom]

As we were loosing our FFS who went back to the same crummy situation, we talked to and wrote letters to everyone we could think of: State Reps, State Child Advocate, Director of DCF, foster parent groups, advocacy groups, two attys, DCF ombudsman...

Half of them said "Yeah, that sucks but there's nothing we can do about it." The other half said, "Yeah, that sucks and here's what I can do about it..." but four years later have done absolutely nothing.