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  #1  
Old 12-03-2011, 09:24 PM
MomInCorazon MomInCorazon is offline
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Keeping Siblings Together

I know the topic of putting/keeping siblings together can be a controversial one here and I appreciate that each case is unique and should be treated as such. That being said, I am dismayed how often I hear FPs dismiss or minimize their FKs' connections to siblings (emotionally understandable because it often involves moving a child(ren) from said FPs' homes) and wanted to share this: Ten Myths and Realties of Sibling Adoptions

http://www.adoptuskids.org/_assets/f...-adoptions.pdf

Pumpkin has two half-brothers that she has grown up with, two half-brothers from her BF with whom she has a connection, and four others she considers "brothers" due to their relation to her bio-brothers (their half-brothers on their other side, etc.). P has never lived with 6 of those "brothers" (seeing them at most twice a year for the past 5) and yet is bonded emotionally to every single one. I may not understand it but I respect it.
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*currently in litigation to be declared a de facto parent

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  #2  
Old 12-03-2011, 09:31 PM
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CRAZY_WOMAN CRAZY_WOMAN is offline
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I believe in keeping siblings togeter,or atleast intouch,while growing up,Unless it's to dangerous or to far away.I don't get why someone would just dismiss it,it also seem selfish to me,not to let siblings she or get in touch with eachother,unless theres a good reason for it.I couldn't read you link,for some reason.
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Last edited by CRAZY_WOMAN : 12-03-2011 at 09:35 PM.
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  #3  
Old 12-03-2011, 09:42 PM
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sunflower406 sunflower406 is offline
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I had never seen the link from adoptuskids. Good post. We are open to sibling groups up to 3 but we have to wait until our current two either reunify or become adoptable. Each case is unique. It saddens me to see siblings listed separately but I hope that it is for the best for the kids involved.
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  #4  
Old 12-03-2011, 10:26 PM
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My nephew has a brother that he lived with for most of his life. He loves his brother but they had to be separated, he took out his anger and frustration on his brother both physically and mentally. Even after being apart for over 3 months I have to keep a very close eye on them during visits. Like most boys their age they like to wrestle and horse play. I dont allow it because Im afraid it will escalate into something else. It happened before. I hate to see them apart but I understand the need for it. I go pick up his brother every other Sunday and he spends the day with us. Im hoping its enough for them to maintain their relationship for now. Hes lost so much already I dont want him to lose that too.
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married 23 yrs
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16 BD
14 Nephew (Aug '11)
was kinship foster, now perm. legal guardian

Liza - newborn placed with us May '13
Hopefully STBA by us

Lil Miss - with us the first 14 months of her life RU July '13
Doing GREAT! visits often and stays one weekend a month with us
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  #5  
Old 12-04-2011, 08:50 AM
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rmsept81 rmsept81 is offline
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Thanks for sharing! We always knew we wanted siblings -it is our hope to adopt at least 2 someday. When we got the call for our foster kids and found out they were living separately from their sisters it was very upsetting. We are glad that we could be the family to bring them back together after 9 months of living separately.

Our state doesn't recognize that they only are 1/2 siblings. They were all living with Mom so they want to keep them together. In fact when they split them up they even split the two who legally share the same father (Mom has state she lied on the birth certificate).
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7/30/10 - 1st home visit
1/12/11 - Final home Visit
1/21/11 - Called to Foster while our license is rushed through!
1/24/11 - Siblings Jelly Bean (7) & Mr. Mohawk (3) move in (4th foster home)
4/11/11 - Two eldest of the sibling set Little Mama (10) & Gabby (9) move in (3rd foster home)

6/8/12 - 2 year permanency hearing goal extended another year
January 2013 - Overnight Visits Begin
4/10/13- Reunification with Bio Mom

7/4/13-7/6/13- Emergency placement 6&8 year old sisters.

8/2013- Contacted about sibling set of 4; Potential Adoptive placement. Say yes. Contacted again 10/13 about same group. Say yes again.

12/20/13 - 2 Youngest sibs Smiley (4) & Simon (5) move in. Goal: Reunification



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  #6  
Old 12-04-2011, 09:33 AM
BeckFoster BeckFoster is offline
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We have siblings now (half-siblings) that we are fighting to keep together. We have had the older a year and the younger since birth (they are 2 and an infant). I never really bought into the "sibling bond" thing until I saw these two. There is family that wants one of them, but not both. It's upsetting to think about them apart, but the judges here consider family above all else. We have argued that they are SIBLINGS and therefore by keeping them together they are living with family, but no one wants to hear it.
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  #7  
Old 12-04-2011, 09:37 AM
racingwife20 racingwife20 is offline
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I think it's important to keep siblings together - unless its a dangerous situation. Although there are other circumstances that may make it difficult to keep them together. We were once asked to take 3 of a sibling group of 6. It was a unique situation where my in-laws (also FPs) would take the other three. We live within about 15 minutes of one another, so it would have been the best alternative if they hadn't found a home that could take them all (which they did).
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We are a forever family!!!!!! Adoption finalized 11/22/2013
(7/2009)
(7/2009)
(11/2010)

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None - only because I recently adopted my three kiddos and have to wait 6 months for any new placements!

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(9/2010) - Moved to pre-adoptive home, with wonderful parents who are willing to maintain contact.


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  #8  
Old 12-04-2011, 09:42 AM
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Hoping2adoptsibs Hoping2adoptsibs is offline
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That was the main reason for me starting this journey, to keep siblings together. I do understand there are some circumstances where they cannot be placed together, but I want to be there to keep a family together if I can. I'm approved for up to 4. So I sit and wait searching for them. So far the matches haven't worked out so far because of changes from available for adoption and then having it change back to RU after the appeals of TPR and other reasons.
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  #9  
Old 12-04-2011, 11:12 AM
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Mommy2NoneHopefully1 Mommy2NoneHopefully1 is offline
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To me keeping bio siblings together is SOOO important. It is single handedly the one thing that makes me hate adoption. If I could give my son a bio sibling it would mean the world to me. It's a person who looks like him or laughs like him, someone who has been on his same path. Here in Houston a foster couple recently went to court to keep an infant that was going to be moved into an adoptive home with bio siblings. So many people said "he loves them & they love him, let them keep him". But from my point of view that adoptive family loves him too, he's a part of their other children, just as my sons siblings are a Part of him. For kids that have been trough SO much, this is something so small & can change their lives. Of course this is only when it is safe to keep them together, sadly often it's unhealthy but when appropriate I think it's our duty to accept siblings. I have said since we started this journey we would take any siblings that we could safely accept!
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December 18th, 2012 Finalized our adoption of Everly & Delilah!
June 19th, 2012 Parental rights are terminated!
January 26, 2012 Brought home our beautiful girls!
December 30, 2011 Officially Waiting!
July 2011 Started Mini Pride
May 2011, Attended Orientation to start all over for a GIRL!
May 22nd 2009, Finalized Tucks adoption!
November 23rd 2008, Brought Tucker home for good!
October 10th, 2008-Matched w/2 year old baby boy "C"!!
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  #10  
Old 12-04-2011, 11:52 AM
MomInCorazon MomInCorazon is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mommy2NoneHopefully1
Of course this is only when it is safe to keep them together, sadly often it's unhealthy but when appropriate I think it's our duty to accept siblings. I have said since we started this journey we would take any siblings that we could safely accept!

I would challenge the statement that "often" it's unhealthy. There are circumstances were siblings cannot and should not grow up in the same house but I would suggest that that phenomenon is less common than people might think. There often needs to be a lot of work done to heal sibling relationships and make them healthier but I still believe siblings belong together much more often than they are allowed to be in our current system.
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Former placements:
Pumpkin 14 (kinship, co-parented since 8 months old)
Monkey Man 8 (kinship, co-parented since birth)
Snuggy 3 (kinship, co-parented since birth)
*currently in litigation to be declared a de facto parent

Bright Eyes 16
Jazz 18

And hotline foster parent to 50+ emergency placements
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  #11  
Old 12-04-2011, 01:34 PM
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Mommy2NoneHopefully1 Mommy2NoneHopefully1 is offline
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I think you took that quote out of context. It was pretty clear in my post that it was only under extenuating circumstances should siblings not be placed together.
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March 15, 2014 Completed Training
March 11, 2014 Re-submitted application for another BOY!
December 18th, 2012 Finalized our adoption of Everly & Delilah!
June 19th, 2012 Parental rights are terminated!
January 26, 2012 Brought home our beautiful girls!
December 30, 2011 Officially Waiting!
July 2011 Started Mini Pride
May 2011, Attended Orientation to start all over for a GIRL!
May 22nd 2009, Finalized Tucks adoption!
November 23rd 2008, Brought Tucker home for good!
October 10th, 2008-Matched w/2 year old baby boy "C"!!
February 29th, 2008 Homestudy Approved
August 2007 Started Mini PRIDE
January 2007 Attended Orientation
http://www.crazychaosperfect.blogspot.com
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  #12  
Old 12-04-2011, 02:31 PM
MomInCorazon MomInCorazon is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mommy2NoneHopefully1
I think you took that quote out of context. It was pretty clear in my post that it was only under extenuating circumstances should siblings not be placed together.

I absolutely get that you support siblings being together. I simply took issue with you using the word "often" and pointed out that I do not believe siblings have to be kept apart for safety reasons as much as the word "often" implies.
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Former placements:
Pumpkin 14 (kinship, co-parented since 8 months old)
Monkey Man 8 (kinship, co-parented since birth)
Snuggy 3 (kinship, co-parented since birth)
*currently in litigation to be declared a de facto parent

Bright Eyes 16
Jazz 18

And hotline foster parent to 50+ emergency placements
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  #13  
Old 12-04-2011, 02:31 PM
TRas TRas is offline
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It's funny how things work out regarding siblings. When we were first licensed, we were open to taking sibling groups of up to five kids. Our agency told us we were the only family they had who would take more than two, so we thought we were certain to be matched with a big sibling group. Then we were matched with a single baby (our now adopted daughter) and three weeks later, a single boy (our now adopted son). So we ended up with all singles.

Currently, two of our kids have bio moms who are pregnant (and the babies will automatically come into care), plus my foster son's bio mom is also pregnant. Sadly, we probably won't be able to take any of them. Hopefully we'll be able to have some contact.
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  #14  
Old 12-04-2011, 03:18 PM
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SoccerMom70 SoccerMom70 is offline
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Im sure its un-common but sometimes not all siblings are not in DCS custody. In our situation, a grandmother had both boys but due to behaviour problems couldnt keep my nephew. We'd take his brother in a second if we could but thats not an option (right now)
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married 23 yrs
19 BS
16 BD
14 Nephew (Aug '11)
was kinship foster, now perm. legal guardian

Liza - newborn placed with us May '13
Hopefully STBA by us

Lil Miss - with us the first 14 months of her life RU July '13
Doing GREAT! visits often and stays one weekend a month with us
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  #15  
Old 12-04-2011, 06:15 PM
Mama2Gia Mama2Gia is offline
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I fully support siblings being together. We have fought for the past 15 months to have our AD's sisters placed with us. It is not going to happen. We are devastated that they will most likely remain with their current FP and that we have many many years of dealing with them in order for our daughter to see her full bio siblings.

On a happy note for those who have been following our story, we were invited to our AD's sister's birthday party (and went) AND the FPs brought the girls over to the bio grandparents' house for a family gathering today. They (the FPs) are awful, overbearing, awkward and annoying but they are trying to do the right thing! Or they are trying to do the right thing at the final hour so the judge rules in their favor. I really hope they are just learning how important the girl's bio family is to them and that they will continue this contact if they are awarded guardianship of the girls.
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