[anilorak13ska]

Baby V's bmom began unsupervised visits a few weeks ago, but due to transportation limitations didn't go very far (stayed in the viscinity of the daycare) until recently. This past Sunday she brought V home with a second degree burn on the palm of her hand.

Let me back up for a second. Just days earlier, she was supposed to start overnight visits, but bc of a miscomunication between her and the CW and a lot of phone tag, the CW ended up cancelling the overnight, essentially to "teach her a lesson". We thought it was an overreaction and she shouldn't be punishing the bmom for something that did get resolved in time (she wanted to get in touch with her but couldn't, I was able to put them in touch before bmom was supposed to pick up V, but CW cancelled the visit anyway).

So, when she came home with the burn, we were of course upset, but we could tell that so was bmom, and we said it could've happened to anyone. She treated the burn and had her hand wrapped up. We looked at the burn and decided to let it breathe overnight.

The next morning we took her to daycare and asked the director on advice as to how to continue treating it. Being trained in first aid, she treated it, told us to keep it wrapped up for a few days, and that's it. She did not suggest a doctor visit, so we decided not to call the CW, bc we didn't want to stir up trouble for bmom when we really think it could've happened to anyone.

Bmom had an overnight visit that day, and I went to her house to visit with V to help her feel more at home ... at home. I noticed that her hand was no longer wrapped, and bmom said she picked her up from daycare unwrapped. I told her she needed to go ahead and wrap it back up and she said she would.

The next day a DSS rep picked up Baby V from daycare for a therapy session with mom and noticed the hand was wrapped and called the CW. (I should note here that the night before, the CASA rep was at mom's and did not notice the burn (it wasn't wrapped)).

The CW had the DSS rep take V to her pediatrician, who referred her to the hospital (after having them wait almost an hour before he saw her, so clearly he did not find it an urgent matter, but was just "covering his butt").

My hubby and I both went to the hospital with the DSS rep and mom, where they looked at it, treated it with ointment and wrapped it and sent her home. The EXACT same treatment provided by mom, us, the daycare director. Only now with a papertrail the size of a book.

This morning, the CW met us at the daycare to talk to the director and to see V. She then informed me that mom's unsupervised visits were being cancelled until Friday's permanency hearing, awaiting the judge's feedback.

In retrospect, or had the overnight not been cancelled last week, we should've reported the burn as soon as mom brought her home just to be on the safe side. However, V did not appear to be in pain and the wound had been treated, so we did not think it was necessary to stir up trouble for mom when it could've happened on anyone's watch.

I feel terrible for the way the whole thing has been handled. We no longer expect the judge to order V home on Friday at the permanency hearing. Any words of wisdom to get me through this?

[Annyka]

Document, photograph and forward any injury, even some of the most minor scratches. This isn't about getting a parent in trouble, it's much more about protecting yourself from false accusations. If the day care provides "booboo" reports, scan and forward those to your CW as well. That way, when the parent, GAL, or anyone else sees an injury on a child, there's existing documentation already submitted as to what caused it. MUCH less hassle for everyone.

[anilorak13ska]

Thanks Annyka. Certainly a lesson learned.

[Mommyby40]

I'm with Annyka....I report every little bump/scrape for my own protection and I know that I take my FD to the doctor more than I would my own child just to have a record of EVERYTHING!!!!!

[shycar]

Im so sorry. First of all you always always report any injury, minor or major to the sw. ALWAYS. Yes it could happen to anyone, but foster care is not normal situation. Children are removed from home for a reason, some abuse, neglect or drug abuse (which leads to other two). You were not there, so you do not know exactly what happened. It could be as bmom said, but yet it could not. She might have steped out of the house for a moment or took a nap and left baby on her own. You don't really know exactly what happened. SW must know to determine the truth. To make sure that baby is safe in her home. If I saw that I would have imidiately taken child to ER and called sw. Yes it could mean the baby might not go home now for awhile, but that might be what is best. A burn is seriouse. It could easily have gotten infected and baby getting really sick, especially if bmom is not taking care of it.

Other thing to keep in mind reporting protects you. Many bparents lie, sad, but true. Bmom could have lied and state that it happened in your home or worse make an accusation (to save her butt). Then it would be your word agaist hers and a investigation could happen. If you report right away you are also saving your butt. Remeber this is foster care...normal things many time is not really normal. I know you did not want problems for bmom, but what if it was bmom's fault that baby got hurt. If you do not report it and baby returns baby could be more in danger then ever. So always report any injury.

[happymomminy]

I'm sure there is much more to this than what I am reading. Still, I would have reported this right away,and I think that from now on, you should report anything right away.

It sounds like you have a very good relationship with Bio Mom. I'm really glad, and it sounds like you are truly supporting reunification. Still, how do you know FOR SURE that this particular injury was NOT the result of something avoidable? I'm not suggesting that it was, but your cw needs to be triply sure that the child is safe to avoid a tragedy. It's really not easy to always tell, and the last thing you want is for a child to go home and be in a bad situation, even if it's unintentional on the part of the BP. Not saying that it will be, but this is one reason injuries are reported. The other is so that you don't wind up getting blamed. Both reasons are very important, so I would definitely not hold back next time.

You can't go back and change how you reacted. You can only go forward. I'm sure you had all good intentions and will continue to have these in the future. I wish you and your fc all the best.

[anilorak13ska]

Can I just say a huge for not making me feel worse about this than I already do? I was expecting the worst, bc hindsight is 20/20, but all of your replies have been just perfect, so thanks.

I'm even more freaked out now that I think about the possibility of us being blamed for the injury. That never crossed my mind that bmom might do something like that, but of course, as you all have said, it's a possibility.

I'm still waiting for someone (CW, judge, CASA) to give me "the talk" about the importance of reporting the injury. Maybe I'll dodge the bullet since I've already talked to CW and CASA since.

Just another reason why I don't think we're cut out to be foster parents. You all mention that the situation is different than if it had been my own child, but I think of V as my own and don't always remember what it entails that she's not.

[greenrobin]

Although this is hard, you have to remember that you are not the biofamily's friend. You are the foster mom. You are there for the children in your care.

Being friendly with parents is different from being their friend. Sometimes the lines get blurred and we end up making fuzzy decisions.

Your job is the same as it has always been--taking care of Baby V. Right now it's very important that you document everything about the visits. The goal is to return the baby to a safe home. Mom is under the microscope right now. If she isn't doing so hot when being critically looked at, how well will she do when the case is closed? Our job is never to make decisions about what has or hasn't happened. It's just to report the facts that we see--like a burn or a bruise or wild behavior.

We're human. We make mistakes. In the greater scheme of things, this isn't as bad as it could have been. I think if it had been awful, you'd have already been to the hospital. Stop worrying about what will happen to the mom. This will clear your thinking about what to do if there is a next time.

Talk with your cw and see what she wants from you.

Transitioning a child is very, very tough sometimes.

[anilorak13ska]

greenrobin:

"Although this is hard, you have to remember that you are not the biofamily's friend. You are the foster mom. You are there for the children in your care.

Being friendly with parents is different from being their friend. Sometimes the lines get blurred and we end up making fuzzy decisions."

~ This sounds like a skill I do not have. How can I be friendly without being a friend? I want to stay in V's life after transition. How can I do that w/o being bmom's friend? Then again, I can be a friend who still calls her on it when she messes up...

"Transitioning a child is very, very tough sometimes."

~I'll say!

[greenrobin]

We're friendly every day with people who are not our friends--clerks in stores, bank tellers, the mailman. You probably do possess the skill. The twist is that you are currently sharing a child with this person. And that does make it harder. Try thinking of yourself as a support system for mom. That, I think, fits your definition of a friend who calls her on her behaviors.

Do not, however, let your wish to stay in Baby V's life cloud your judgement on what is currently going on in her life. I would LOVE to have been able to maintain contact with 5 of my past kiddos, but it was impossible. That's just something that I had to learn to live with. But always, always, always, choose the protection of the child now. It's just your job.

[shavon]

Did mom say how the burn happened?????

[anilorak13ska]

greenrobin, you're right, and I've realized that I acted selfishly when you get down to the bottom of it.

shavon, apparently she touched a hot grill or picked up a bit of charcoal.

And I can officially stop "worrying" and start "beating myself up" because we are now under CPS investigation and Baby V is in respite. Everyone I've talked to (daycare director, CASA, current respite foster mom who called after seeing V and the burn) says it's just protocol and not to take it personally. But I am taking it personally, bc all they have on this case is paper-based, and now they don't have the day-to-day ins and outs of the love and affection and care we've provided V for the past 10 months, but they do have on paper a CPS investigation, even if they determine it unfounded.

Essentially, no good deed goes unpunished, and we ended up going down with bmom. I guess THAT will teach me.

[irelady10]

Originally Posted by anilorak13ska

greenrobin, you're right, and I've realized that I acted selfishly when you get down to the bottom of it.

shavon, apparently she touched a hot grill or picked up a bit of charcoal.

And I can officially stop "worrying" and start "beating myself up" because we are now under CPS investigation and Baby V is in respite. Everyone I've talked to (daycare director, CASA, current respite foster mom who called after seeing V and the burn) says it's just protocol and not to take it personally. But I am taking it personally, bc all they have on this case is paper-based, and now they don't have the day-to-day ins and outs of the love and affection and care we've provided V for the past 10 months, but they do have on paper a CPS investigation, even if they determine it unfounded.

Essentially, no good deed goes unpunished, and we ended up going down with bmom. I guess THAT will teach me.

They removed Baby V from your home because of this?

Geesh...I'm sorry. Being a foster parent is a very hard, complicated job.

[Mallynn]

Ugh, I'm so sorry this happened to you and baby V.
We are currently under investigation as well, and it's STRESSFUL! (It certainly taught us to document and to tell CW ASAP too!) I hope that this is resolved for you quickly and as painless as possible. *hugs*.

[sandysis]

Originally Posted by anilorak13ska

greenrobin, you're right, and I've realized that I acted selfishly when you get down to the bottom of it.

shavon, apparently she touched a hot grill or picked up a bit of charcoal.

And I can officially stop "worrying" and start "beating myself up" because we are now under CPS investigation and Baby V is in respite. Everyone I've talked to (daycare director, CASA, current respite foster mom who called after seeing V and the burn) says it's just protocol and not to take it personally. But I am taking it personally, bc all they have on this case is paper-based, and now they don't have the day-to-day ins and outs of the love and affection and care we've provided V for the past 10 months, but they do have on paper a CPS investigation, even if they determine it unfounded.

Essentially, no good deed goes unpunished, and we ended up going down with bmom. I guess THAT will teach me.

So sorry to hear this. Not at all what you planned, when your good heart told you not to mention it to protect the mom.

I will be sending good thoughts out there for you and V.