[mountaineermom]

Here I go ranting and raving about visits again!
FD has an appt to see a child psychiatrists this week.
She has been taking visits really hard. She bites herself and others, is overly aggressive, and cries constantly.
She doesnt just bite herself once or twice after the visit. She leaves at least 6 or 7 bite marks up and down her arms that bruise and dont go away for days.
Last week after her visit, she was throwing a tantrum, put her hand in her mouth and made herself throw up(twice).
She has completely stopped using the potty, wont even go in the bathroom or near the tiolet.
She pooped in the closet last week after her visit, and has been taking her diaper off at night and peeing all over herself.
She has been soooo wild. on a scale from 1-10, FD is usually a strong 7 everyday. But now she is like a 10.5 and Im about to loose it. The littlest stuff will set her off. And if someone isnt close enough to hit or bite, she will slap herslef in the face and bit herself. Only on the days of the visits, that night, and the next day. Then she goes back to almost normal.
She exhibits similar behavior is she is show photos of her mom and family.
She doesnt talk, but gets visibly upset.
What do you think the doctor with do/say/reccomend at her appt?

[racingwife20]

I'm no expert, but that is not normal acting out. I think there are some serious issues - obviously the visits are not beneficial to your FD if she is having such violent reactions. I would make sure you clearly express your concerns and describe her behaviors prior to visits and then afterwards, just as you have here. Ask the Doctor A LOT of questions - he/she may suggest that visits be suspended until your FD has some play therapy or they can determine what is making her have the reactions that she does have. Poor thing, it must be so traumatic for her. Keep doing what you can to make her feel loved and safe, and hopefully she gets the help she needs.

Are her visits supervised? Does she display the same behavior at the visits?

[illinoisgranny]

Originally Posted by racingwife20

I'm no expert, but that is not normal acting out. I think there are some serious issues - obviously the visits are not beneficial to your FD if she is having such violent reactions. I would make sure you clearly express your concerns and describe her behaviors prior to visits and then afterwards, just as you have here. Ask the Doctor A LOT of questions - he/she may suggest that visits be suspended until your FD has some play therapy or they can determine what is making her have the reactions that she does have. Poor thing, it must be so traumatic for her. Keep doing what you can to make her feel loved and safe, and hopefully she gets the help she needs.

Are her visits supervised? Does she display the same behavior at the visits?

Another thing you should try is to record these incidents and show them to the therapist. You will have documentation of the behaviors far beyond what your words alone could convey. My heart goes out to you.

[onhazier]

This is definitely not normal. I'm glad she's being seen soon.

Hang in there. This little one is really hurting and doesn't know how to express it.

[mountaineermom]

visits are supervised, but the supervisor never tells me anything. He just says the visit went ok. She cries when I drop her off, but he says she settles down after 5 or 10 mintues. It's only for an hour.
THis happened before, back in March and the judge ordered visits suspended. CW said notto see a therapist or anything yet, they were looking at TPR. Well now, judge said to start visits again, and if the behavior started again, she had to see a psychologist.
But no one really has a plan beyond that. CW says just wait and see what the judge says when we go back to court in september. Meanwhile, FD will just be chewing her arms off while everyone else just sits back and scratches thier heads.
Im hoping the psychologist can give me some more insight. Maybe the judge will listen to a professional's opinion.
Also, GAL hates us, I think. He is not concerned with her behavior after visits. He has mentioned that I "nit pick" about all of it. FYI- some of you might remember hearing about our lovely GAL. Two years ago, he was the GAL for the child being raised by two lesbian foster parents in my county.Finally after 18 months in care, he found out that the baby was with lesbians and got her moved to another home. The story made national headlines. He is known for being very conservative and since my fiance and I are cohabitating, I beleive he has it in for us!
Sorry for the rant, just very frustrated and helpless.

[jcm]

Wow. Your GAL still has his job????

I would video you FD doing everything you mentioned. It's hard to argue that visits are okay, when faced with the reality that a child does this after only an HOUR with her mother.

I am appalled that they even told you to not send FD to see a therapist after the first go-round. The child needs help, IMMEDIATELY. I empathize with you about the GAL, but you'll need to just ignore his leanings to help FD. If he seems uninterested or doesn't appear to be taking you seriously, go up the chain of command.

No child should be self-harming, regress that poorly in potty training. My first thought is sexual abuse. The job of ALL these people is to protect the children. It sounds like no one, outside of you and your fiancee are doing that. YOU are essentially her only advocate, be the squeaky wheel, don't worry about what they will think or how poorly they treat you, this kid needs HELP.

Take care of yourself and FD.