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  #1  
Old 05-31-2010, 11:40 AM
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SeattleFosterMama SeattleFosterMama is offline
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Question about ear piercing

Hello all~

I was just wondering if any of you have gotten your FD ear's pierced and what the policy is on it? I've heard that you have to get the bios consent, but our FD's mom is MIA and dad is in prison.

Should I bring it up to the SW or wait awhile to see where the case goes??

Thanks!
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  #2  
Old 05-31-2010, 12:20 PM
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kaspoo3992 kaspoo3992 is offline
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You do need to get written permission from your FD's mother before she can get her ears peirced. However, since she is MIA I would talk to the SW about it. B's mom is often MIA,and there have been a lot of times when B has wanted to do something like play a sport, go to summer camp.... all things that require written parent permission.

The SW in our case feels very strongly that B should not miss out on being a kid just because mom isn't around to give permission.She is the one that usualy signs the permission forms.In fact at the last court hearing the judge gave her power to sign everything including permission for medical treatment without asking mom beforehand.Maybe your SW has similar "power" due to your FD's mom being MIA. It wouldn't hurt to ask your SW about the ear piercing, the worse she could say is "no".
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  #3  
Old 05-31-2010, 01:49 PM
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Our CW at CPS is usually the one who makes the call or gets the judge to sign an order if the parents are being stubborn about something. Since your parents aren't available, it shouldn't be hard to get consent.
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  #4  
Old 05-31-2010, 02:23 PM
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Our birthparents wanted baby to get ears pierced asap. The social workers told us that even if we all agreed, they would not allow it. It's a surgical procedure. Either the baby had to be adopted or reunified to get it done in our case. Personally, I think it all depends on the worker you get and their take on it.
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  #5  
Old 05-31-2010, 07:16 PM
Chancey Chancey is offline
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In Texas the parent has to provide permission for this.

But, I'm questioning why you are in such a hurry to get this child's ears pierced? This is a purely cosmetic procedure and frankly can wait until the child's parents return or they move on to their forever family.

I feel like I could say much more about this.... but will refrain.
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  #6  
Old 05-31-2010, 07:40 PM
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Here it is not allowed while the child is in foster care, unless their parents can take them on a visit to get it done.

Definitely get written permission first. Hair is something else you need permission for, but hair at least grows back. Holes in ears do not, generally!
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  #7  
Old 05-31-2010, 07:50 PM
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Here in Florida

The mother has the say so you have to get permission from them my niece before i adopted her i cut her bangs because they were getting in her eyes and irritating them and when i took her to visit birthmom she told the caseworker that she didn't want me to cut her hair and the caseworker told me i couldn't cut her hair anymore unless the birthmom said i could. Also i wanted to get her ears pierced also because the birthmom said we could take fd to get them done and she them told the worker that she didn't want them done. So i would check with cw.
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  #8  
Old 05-31-2010, 08:46 PM
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Definitely get written permission. Since your birth parents are not available you should talk with your CW. It will probably depend on where this case is going as to whether or not she/he will give permission. Are you the prospective adoptive family, how old is the child, etc.

Chancey asked why you would want to get the procedure done so I wanted to add that for us (both myself and my FD's birth mom are Hispanic) it is very much a cultural thing. Birth mom asked me if I would pierce the baby's ears and since if this had been my own birth child I would not even think twice about it, I talked with our CW and took birth mom with us during a visit to have them pierced. FD was was 4 months old. Yes, it is cosmetic but for many Hispanics it's just how we do things.
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  #9  
Old 05-31-2010, 10:52 PM
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In Illinois we have to have permission to do anything that will physically alter a child's appearance; Hair (cut, color, straightening) piercings, and tattoos! I know of many people who have had it done with approval, but I also have a friend who had a daughter who wanted it done very badly and had to wait until after adoption, because even after termination, the cw wouldn't approve it!
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  #10  
Old 06-01-2010, 07:22 AM
Chancey Chancey is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by daveandmina
Chancey asked why you would want to get the procedure done so I wanted to add that for us (both myself and my FD's birth mom are Hispanic) it is very much a cultural thing. Birth mom asked me if I would pierce the baby's ears and since if this had been my own birth child I would not even think twice about it, I talked with our CW and took birth mom with us during a visit to have them pierced. FD was was 4 months old. Yes, it is cosmetic but for many Hispanics it's just how we do things.

Yes, I married into a Hispanic family, so I know the culture in regards to ear piercing. The issue here is the mom is NOT asking for it, the foster mom is. If the mom was asking for it, it wouldn't be an issue for me. Why can't the fosters parents just wait until this child is in their forever home before doing this? Why does the foster mom feel like she has to have a child ear's pierced when that child is not hers yet. AND, just because she may have beliefs on ear piercing does not mean that she should have it done to a child that is not hers.

Your argument that this might be a culture identity thing is similar to saying an AA child's hair needs to be straightened if they are staying with a anglo family - wrong on all counts.
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  #11  
Old 06-01-2010, 09:51 AM
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I'm also in the camp of waiting unless a biomom specifically asks for it or until a fd has been adopted.

Why? We are a hispanic family yet our denomination is split on jewlry (beauty not coming from outward adornments) so some people do wear jewlry tastefully and in small amounts like our family and some don't....so it would be a mistake to just assume that because a child is x, that culturally it would be ok to pierce....

That aside, I personally believe that a girl should get their ears pierced when she asks for them and not before...so I was 16, and (assuming finalization happens) I won't do L's until she verbalizes that she wants that.

Since foster parents need bio parent's permission on many things (e.g. hair, piercing, hair coloring etc.) I would make sure bio parent was on board or if a FD is old enough, then I would tell my FD to ask her sw and discuss it with her...

just my 2 cents...take it or leave it
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  #12  
Old 06-01-2010, 10:14 AM
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We are not allowed to get piercings done period. That has to wait until either adoption or reunification.
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  #13  
Old 06-01-2010, 12:00 PM
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This has been a constant source of problems with our FD as well. She really wants her ears pierced and her mom is dead set against it. OF COURSE, non custodial dad who lives in another state uses every opportunity he can to tell her that he fully supports her decision to have her ears pierced. GRR!

We were told regardless it's the parent's decision. This is one of those times CW will not override. (and rightly so IMO.)
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  #14  
Old 06-01-2010, 11:19 PM
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I was not submitting an argument, I was just sharing my experience with this topic. And giving one example as to why someone might want to pierce their FD's ears.

I don't think we have enough information on this situation to be quick with the rebuttals. Maybe this FC is 15 and asking for her ears to be pierced. Maybe the case is on it's way to TPR and this FM will be adopting. Maybe this family and the child are Hispanic, or of some other culture where piercing is the norm, and they just want to know when they can get on with what we do. Who knows. The OP is just asking for some insight.
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December thru March: Paperwork & Interviews
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10/07 "We're licensed, Yay!"
Let the waiting begin....
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A's Adoption Finalized January 15, 2010
A's bio Sister "D" born in December 2009 placed with us at 3 days old...RU is the plan, XXX fingers for adoption

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  #15  
Old 06-02-2010, 07:09 AM
millie58 millie58 is offline
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Bring it up to the social worker.

Kaspo: you have to have permission for a foster child to play sports or go to camp? wow!! They tell us in MAPP classes to treat foster kids like our own. If their bios don't give permission, how does that happen? I had to get permission to take kiddies in vacation but all the cw's said if the bios didnt' give approval, they would.

Re: Hair. I'm AA. I had a 6 yo AA boy. with an Angela Davis afro. Now, I'm not good with hair. At all. I argued with fs's bio mom for months to get it cut. CW agreed with me. He played and hair wasn't neat. I'm a single parent and I commute. and it irks me to have messy hair on a boy. After arguing for 3 months, I got it cut. It grows back. I felt it was totally unfair for him to go out with me or my mom with sloppy hair because his bio mom didn't want it cut.
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