[kcd1]

Ok we have had our foster son for about 2 months... He lies, back talks,is rude, kinda obnoxious and bounces off the wall from the time he gets up until he goes to bed, he does not sleep well, he wakes up at the crack of dawn.... He will not let us really care for him unless it is taking attention away from our daughter or his younger brother. He is always having melt downs. I talked to his former foster parent and she said that she suggested he be put in a Therapeutic foster home... I'm just not sure what to do!

[thelowlanders]

Some children need a Therap. fstr home. But in the meantime, give Lots, and Lots of positive attention to those doing what's right. Do your best to not validate the negative behaviors. It may work. Each kid's different.

Everyone on here is quite knowledgeable. I'm sure you will be getting some great tips. Good luck.

[Chancey]

We had a kiddo similar to that and we are only a basic family. We eventually (4 mos) had to ask for him to be moved. It was was way more than we could handle.

[kcd1]

Thank you me and my husband have talked about giving it 4-6 months to see if it gets better.... I guess we will see!

[shazwott]

I agree to only give attn to the positive behaviors, but if the prior FP recommended a theraputic home, he may require more than you can give him. Only you can decide whether you are able to meet the needs of all of the children with him in the home. Is the child in therapy? Have you spoken with his therapist? (I'm not sure how old he is)

[kcd1]

He is in counseling and he is 6.

[greenrobin]

I have to tell you, sometimes it takes a very long time to see changes. Sometimes that long time is not during your time with the child.

Bubba has been with us 2 years. He was called feral and had all of the good manners of a wild hog! After about 6 months we began seeing positive changes. All of our team thought we'd disrupt. We adopted him instead. He still has turd-like behaviors, but they're getting farther between and of lesser intensity.

But it was our choice. It may not be yours. We had to disrupt before.

Positive attention for positive behaviors, no leeway for bad behavior, keep him busy, enroll him in soccer or karate or something physical. Do get to the p-doc for an eval for meds. His hyper vigilance sounds just like Bubba--didn't sleep well, got up at the slightest sound. He might be guarding himself, you know?

And definitely take care of yourself and your famiy during this transitional period. Yeah, I know--you were hoping for a honeymoon. I never got one either! Be kind to yourself and those around you. And take time away from him to regroup and recoup.

Above all else, do not accept any guilt about this. You didn't create his issues. You are doing the best you can under the circumstances.

[arbuckle17]

Get a strict schedule planned and routines set. Our kiddos were known as being a high stress pair. With enough routine and discipline, and possative reinforcement in the right places they pulled through.

We still have moments but it took around 2 months of that stability to get them into the norms of our house, and they are so much happier because of it.

[Biblemom]

Is your therapist an attachment therapist? Has he been diagnosed with any attachment disorders? Sounds similar to my foster child with RAD. I would suggest reading some books by Nancy Thomas or Gregory Keck and/or going to attachment.org

[sunnyrobins]

What you described sounds similar to our experiences with our kiddo who is 9 and ADHD/Bipolar. We have to have a daily routine that we have printed out on the same paper as a our household rules and post on the bulletin board. We also have behavioral charts in each childs room. For us we have targeted on behavior at a time. Right now we are working on not arguing/talking back. That is the behavior we focus on teaching him about - our kiddo does not respond to just being given consequences, it takes a lot of daily LONG talks and explanations - we also use "think sheets" which is a worksheet that he uses to describe the inappropriate behavior and what he should do instead of the behavior. IF you PM me I would be happy to e-mail it to you. It may not work for a kiddo as young as yours. For us it is getting better (in our 4th month) but it has taken a lot of work and consistency that leaves me exhausted most of the time. The progress seems slow but it is getting better and he is learning. oh, and he is placed at theraputic/specialized

[mamamac]

There is a cycle to these things. There's the intial honeymoon period, and then I think they start acting out more just to find the boundary lines. I think there seems to be something click around the 6 month mark.