[dachshunds4you]

Today is a week that FD A joined our family. She's doing well. She's had a few meltdown's over homework, but once I learned what she liked, and they were going to be consequences if she didn't stop the tantrum, she would get at it. What's funny is, her tantrum lasts longer than it takes for her to do her homework! I've been explaining that to her, so last night she actually did her homework with only a small pout.

I feel bad waiting for the other shoe to drop, but everyone has been warning us. We've been doing our best to be consistent with her and have her schedule planned out. She also sees what happens to our AD when she acts up, so she knows the same thing will happen to her...time outs, going to her room, etc.

It's hard because she keeps asking to call her previous adoptive placement (the ones who disrupted). Our agency doesn't recommend she call them, the CPS worker said it's up to us, but she also doesn't really want her to. They made things a bit ugly, like telling A CPS wanted her moved even though they wanted her to stay. They also are upset because they feel the CPS worker has always wanted us as the adoptive placement for her, so now CPS is getting their way. (Hello, CPS wouldn't have moved her if it wasn't for them saying they didn't want her!)

Any thoughts from you experts as to if we should let her call and just say hi? She was with them for 2 months, and told she would stay there forever. She was even using their last name. If we allowed it, I know I would first call the mom and let her know a few ground rules as to what answers she can give to certain questions, or what she can say and not say. They want to still see here if/when they come to visit, but I just don't feel it's the best for A.

That's my update for now. Let's hope things continue to go smoothly!

[stevenstwin]

Originally Posted by dachshunds4you

Today is a week that FD A joined our family. She's doing well. She's had a few meltdown's over homework, but once I learned what she liked, and they were going to be consequences if she didn't stop the tantrum, she would get at it. What's funny is, her tantrum lasts longer than it takes for her to do her homework! I've been explaining that to her, so last night she actually did her homework with only a small pout.

I feel bad waiting for the other shoe to drop, but everyone has been warning us. We've been doing our best to be consistent with her and have her schedule planned out. She also sees what happens to our AD when she acts up, so she knows the same thing will happen to her...time outs, going to her room, etc.

It's hard because she keeps asking to call her previous adoptive placement (the ones who disrupted). Our agency doesn't recommend she call them, the CPS worker said it's up to us, but she also doesn't really want her to. They made things a bit ugly, like telling A CPS wanted her moved even though they wanted her to stay. They also are upset because they feel the CPS worker has always wanted us as the adoptive placement for her, so now CPS is getting their way. (Hello, CPS wouldn't have moved her if it wasn't for them saying they didn't want her!)

Any thoughts from you experts as to if we should let her call and just say hi? She was with them for 2 months, and told she would stay there forever. She was even using their last name. If we allowed it, I know I would first call the mom and let her know a few ground rules as to what answers she can give to certain questions, or what she can say and not say. They want to still see here if/when they come to visit, but I just don't feel it's the best for A.

That's my update for now. Let's hope things continue to go smoothly!

I have no experience, but there was a similar thread on one of these boards a few months ago - a woman in your situation was agonizing about whether or not to let her daughter contact a previous FP. She was actually directly told that she was not allowed to, so she had to wait a year until the adoption was final. Apparently, when she finally did let the girl meet the former FP's it was a very positive experience and a real turning point for the girl - so that is one perspective. Definitely talk to them yourself, though, so you can get a sense of whether or not they are going to be supportive.

[athikers]

I would not recommend it, based solely on the fact that they are not being truthful. She's had enough hurt in her life. She doesn't need them filling her head with false information about CPS and the decision to disrupt her placement.

Maybe down the road a bit... but I don't think now is appropriate.

[thelowlanders]

I agree.

But if you must, maybe let them write each other. If you get to preread the letters.

[LadyBugz]

I was going to also say she can write.

What does her therapist say?