[breakspencils]

Here we are again. I really don't do uncertainty well. We've got bios who has now found God. Since the caseworker is recommending TPR the beginning of December, they've found a church to help find a job and a house so they can get the kids back. I find it unbelievable that they wasted a year of the children's lives with NOT working the plan and now they are going to pull this and get them back. Don't know how long they'll manage to keep them, but this is now their plan. Will the judge see through it? Everyone keeps saying 'well we're working on the children's time schedule, they are under 3 and need permenancy now. We can't wait up for them to do all they are supposed to'. But the parents have a psych who recommends reunification even though they have no bond with the baby. The psych we have for the children says they need permanancy now. Dueling psychologists. ugh. i hate this whole mess. If they send these children bac, especially when everyone involved says 'this is the worst case of neglect we've ever seen!' I am doing fostering! I'll pay whatever it costs to go to an adoption agency and adopt. I can't do this again.

[Ashley-n-D]

J has recently done the same. church is is going to pay her apt for a few months i guess but that isnt going to disolve the warrants for her arrest lol don't fret hunny just because they have someone else hand them the resources doesnt mean they'll get up and go to work and continue to pay their rent. or keep thier place clean. lazy is lazy and if they neglected thier kids they willl do it again. i used to fret alot but i have suddenly realized there is no chance it will happen. good luck and have confidence ! God will do the best thing for all!

[o2b30again]

This was the case as well with 3 of ours. Even the church will see through it in the future. They will just burn that bridge too.

On the upside....I am glad they found God but that doesn't change the situation with the children. Children need permanancy and stability. As far as I am concerned you only get one chance with children and thats it. Our system gives bio's months sometimes years to get themselves together and all the while the kids are hurting and someone else, usually the FP, are stuck cleaning up the messes.

Best of luck. God takes care of his children. It will all work out in due time.

[athikers]

God does care for his children, but sometimes its not in a way or circumstance we can understand.

It hurts so much when they leave when your heart expected them to stay forever. It is like your child dies, but you know they didn't and they are not in heaven happy and carefree but in a very different place where you are concerned for their safety.

We also had our first two placements go to biofamily and I thought I could never feel the same way about another child. But I'm so glad I kept fostering, because along came my sweet baby girl... then after another difficult outcome with a foster son, along came our son.

I still miss the kids I thought would stay, I still cry on all their "anniversaries" (the day they came, their birthdays, holidays they liked, the day they left, etc). Fostering with the hope of adopting is not for the faint of heart.

[breakspencils]

This case is different from other kids we've had. The parents truly got it together. These seem to be putting on an act to get the children back. I know we won't foster again and we'll adopt through an agency, because I won't work in a system that is this broken! I can't. They don't protect children.

On that note though, our caseworker and GAL keeps saying 'the children are young, they are running out of time, the therapist says permenancy NOW, not when the parents finally get it together.' Plus they wasted about 6 months of time not working the plan. ON top of that, the mom is working the plan, dad isn't. No one thinks she can do it without help. Oh, and there was a positive follicle test in the past few months as well. I guess it will come down to what therapist the judge believes. Will she give the parents more time when they wasted half a year doing nothing?

[greenrobin]

Our kids' biomom had a turn around right after the state decided to file for TPR. It scared me, but the cw and attorneys were all, "Doesn't matter. We've filed and we don't have to look at her behavior AFTER that--only in the months before." And it was true. The evidence presented was only for the 15 months from the time they came into care until filing. In the 2 months between filing and trial, she got a job, a place to live, entered GED, went to counseling, everything that was on her plan.

She also got arrested, but that didn't make it in either.

What did impact was her failure to show up on the morning of the trial--judge issued a bench warrant and sent the sheriff out to find her. Bad move, really, because he was pretty peeved when she got there.

I'd suggest talking to cw or CASA or attorney ad litem. They'll tell you what is going to happen in terms of how the bio parents' current behavior will be presented.

[thelowlanders]

Ah yes.... they pulled the "church card". Love that one. Our FD's dad pulled that one at the CRboard. Considering he just beat the heck out of his girlfriend twice in 2weeks now.... I'll let them decide on that one.

[fostermomintx]

My first son's bparents did everything that was asked of them except getting a good place to live and only one of them actually had a job and they still went for TPR (they relinquished before the trial). At the time I wondered since they were doing everything the State asked them they still wanted to terminate their rights. I heard from the worker afterwards that it was because they didn't do more than they were asked. I guess they were waiting to see them really change their lives (go above and beyond) in order to get him back but it just didn't happen. You never know what will happen. In my son's case they recommended TPR about 4 months after he came into care. They do want to make sure that the kids have permanency quickly (he was 2 years old).

[breakspencils]

Well my foster babies are 3 years and 7 months. The oldest has been in care a year and the other since birth. The bios have done very little on their plan until last court date when it became apparent which direction the case was taking. Then one began scrambling trying to get things done, the other still is doing nothing. The psychologist of the parents recommends reunification, which concerns me. But the children's therapist does not recommend it. Their therapist recommends perm. now. So it's been a year, two things have kind of been checked off as done on the case plan. ON other notes, there was a positive follicle test in the last 2 months, so that will come into play as well, no?

[fostermomintx]

Judges can see through a lot of what the bparents are doing. If it takes them so long to get motivated to complete their plan and then scramble at the last minute then hopefully a Judge is wise to that and will do the right thing. I would hope that a therapist who has evaluated the kids would take precedence over the parents' psychologicals. In both of my kids' cases the parents were deemed unfit to get them back. My current 2 kids' parents didn't even bother to finish the evaluation (just got up and left) so they definitely were not considered able to get the kids back.

Drugs are definitely a factor. My current foster babies' bparents both kept testing positive for drugs and then flat out refused to continue being drug tested. The bmother was once even tested during a visit and it came back positive so the visit was cut short.

Hang in there and I'll say a prayer that the Judge makes the right decision. The kids are the ones who matter NOT the bparents. The bparents have a choice about how they live their lives. The kids shouldn't have to pay for the bparents' choices.

Good luck!

[mamachell]

I agree with some pps that a lot of times judges just look at the case up to the filing of TPR because once that filing happens, the focus changes from the parents (and their right to RU) to the children (and their right to permanency). Also, I would say that depending on why the children were removed, housing and jobs aren't going to keep TPR from happening. It depends on what were the underlying issues and have these issues been resolved. For example if there is an issue with neglect and parenting classes were part of the plan; if they haven't completed those, judge won't return the children. Same thing with drug use or domestic violence. Just make sure the judge has all of the information to make an informed choice. Make sure the judge has info from the children's therapist and if you can send a letter/make a statement to the judge yourself, do so before the next hearing.

[thelowlanders]

Ok. I feel guilty for my post incase they actually did find God. So for the record maybe they did. All I'm saying is I don't like it when the church card is pulled, even by actuall Christians. But if they're tough situation has turned them to look to God for help, then that is really good. And I'm happy for them.

Sorry to sound mean in my previous post. I'm just a bit scarred by the Christians who don't exactly live it.