[dachshunds4you]

As a follow up to my other thread, would you give me some suggestions as to rewards and consequences for a 7 yr old girl? She is ADHD and on meds for it.

I want to make some charts and reward systems, but I'm completely non-creative.

1) Rewards for good behavior? (I was thinking staying extra 30 mins or hour on weekends. Any other ideas?)

2) Consequences for bad behavior? What would you do for this age? Most of this is when she doesn't get her way.
a) Throws tantrums
b) Talks back
c) Tells tall tales
d) Uses curse words

These are things I know of for now.

Thanks again for your help!

[greenmama]

Is she an explosive child with ADHD? If so, I have some suggestions...

[wantonemore]

Wow... I would like to hear some suggestions too! I have a 6 (almost 7) year old. If I so much as ask her to pick up her coat, it will lead to cryin which quickly escalates into screaming, kicking, hitting, cursing... trying my every last nerve...

[greenmama]

In dealing with our 9 year old, I have implemented strategies from The Explosive Child. It has made a life changing difference in his explosiveness and defiance. My DH and I were discussing when the last meltdown was and we realized it was mid-September. Additionally, for consequences, we started out sending him to his room. This was disastrous. He could not handle being that angry or upset on his own. We found that time ins or imposed quiet time (ie. sit at table and do a workbook page or color) were much more effective in helping him calm down. We also learned that my connection with him means that I am able to talk him down very easily if I am in the right tolerant and unstressed frame of mind. Some days I have to work very hard to get there and other days it is easy.
Good luck. Every kid is so different and will have different triggers and issues. With our son, PTSD plays a HUGE part in his triggers and this may be the case for your DD as well.

[mimiandgigi]

Hi, I have 4 boya, 3 of them have ADHD. I use a behavior chart/reward system that I don't know if it will help but I thought I'd suggest it. The chart has all their names and they have colors that corresponds to behavior, there is green which is good, yellow which is a warning and red which is bad. We went to Target and bought a whole bunch of inexpensive toys, since they are boys it's a lot of hot wheels. Then we had a family meeting, we sat down and explained to chart to them and explained what is expected of them. Then we showed them the bag of toys and boy were they excited, so of course they all started trying really hard to be on green to get a toy. Our chart is daily, if they are on green for the day they get to pick a toy, we use the yellow as a warning, we explain that they have not been listening and they are going on yellow, if they can turn their behavior around then they can go back on green. This may not work with everyone of course but hey it works for us. Sometimes they forgot during the course of the day so I just remind them and praise them for being on green. We also use stickers for small things, sometimes my son acts up in the morning getting ready for school, and I tell him I'll give him a sticker if he gets dressed. your daughter is 7 so she may be too old for this stuff, my eldest is 6 but he's a little delayed. Good luck!

[onhazier]

R has ADHD. We use several different approaches.

1. For lies or bad words, R must write sentences. We started this when he was 6 and it is REALLY effective. If you hear something you've stated is not allowed, you stop the conversation or activity immediately and sit the child down to write. We try to make the sentences positive. So, instead of saying "I will not lie." R writes "I will tell the truth." It is easy to forget the "not" in the first sentence. This plays into our approach of saying "Please remember to take out the trash" instead of "Don't forget to take out the trash." For cursing, you can have her write something like "I will use polite words."

2. Lies also get paired with a loss of favored belongings or privledges. R tried to sneak a toy to school in his pocket this morning after I directed him to put it away. Because he did not deny he had it in his pocket, he didn't get sentences. However, the toy is now in my room until this weekend. There have been times when he went through a spate of telling lies. The taken away toys or privledges have to be earned back. Our rate is 1 a week with no further incident. He lost nearly all his toys year before last right after Christmas and it took him until April to earn them back.

3. When deciding on a consequence, we try very hard to tie the consequence to the issue we are trying to adjust. Earlier this week, he threw a bit of a fit when we said it was bedtime. R didn't want to stop watching a tv show. He lost tv privledges for a couple of days.

Some of the things that helped us:
1. Be consistent with your household rules and their consequences.
2. We took R to see a counselor and she taught him various strategies to deal with his feelings and reactions. Kids with ADHD have a hard time with this because of the impulsivity issues they have. It made a HUGE difference for him to see her for the time that he did.
3. Kids with ADHD also benefit from regular physical exercise and sports. R takes Tae Kwon Do with the full support of his psychologist and counselor. Organized physical activities helps the kids learn to think about things while their body is doing something and to learn to control their bodies.
4. If she does not yet have one, I strongly encourage you to get her an IEP in school. They can, and are required by Federal law, provide the services she needs. For example, R doesn't need much additional guidance with Math, Science or Social Studies because he finds those topics interesting and motivating. Language Arts is his challenge and where he receives additional support through his IEP. Little adjustments they can make can do so much for her. For example, kids with ADHD find it difficult to focus on black text on white backgrounds. By overlaying the text with a layer of grey plastic, the contrast is reduced and the text is easier for them to read. The IEP may also provide behavioral support.

5. Keep a consistent schedule. When she knows what to anticipate in her day, her day will be much easier.

Finally, mimiandgigi's color system is similar to what R's school uses in the classrooms for the K, 1 and 2 classes. It is a clear way for the kids to easily track themselves. We didn't reward with a daily toy. However, his school aslo gave little award slips when a child is caught doing something really good. We equated each one to a dollar and for every $15, we take him to the store to spend them. We only did that for a year.

[AmahMama]

I have found that rewards for positive behaviors are really motivating. One of my little ones liked for me to sit and color with her.. So, for a good day - that was a 'reward'. Another is a 30 minutes at the playground, helping to 'baka da cake', was another... so what if there were a few eggshells in it... LOL

Taking away a particular tv show worked well for us - and we would remind them that the show is on and that 'you could be watching it if you had told the truth'. Because so many of our are so young and have sneaked, lied and stolen as a matter of daily living (often as directed by adults) - it is very, very hard to break these but I've seen progress in very little time.

I try real hard to be consistent with any consequences and not to make ones that will be a punishment to me. Regular routine and knowing exactly what will happen is the best deterrent - it won't work immediately - but you will see progress if you stick with whatever strategy you decide on.

Good luck!

[arbuckle17]

Rewards: sometimes just tickly, giggle time is the best , compliments frequently, have a feedback session at the end of every day to discuss the good things she has done.

Make some hard goals, and light goals and let the rewards match them. Long term goals will help teach pattience and the reward is so much sweeter.


Consequences: at 7 you won't run into verbal communication problems like we are with the boys so you can be way more creative with the consequences.

1)time in - time where she sits in a chair and you sit with her talking about the actions that lead to this situation, this is like time out but sometimes leads to quicker final resolution if you can uncover the root issue.

2) for tantrums do adjusted timouts- explain early not during one that when she tantrums she will need to spend 7 min in timeout quietly sitting in her room. That means she can stay in there and scream till the cows come home but she has to be chill for 7 min before she comes out. This gives her control over when the time is done.

3) lieing - every lie is an additional consequence (I heard this for teens so you may need to creatively lower the level for her age but the consept is sound) if they go out drinking then they get a consequence, but if they lie about it then they get another one. Make sure the lines are firmly drawn as to which consequence they are being punished for.

[mommy09]

One site I found helpful for behavior charts is below. I think a lot of the charts would work for a 7 y/o kid.

Behavior Charts - Free Printables - Behavior - Child - Printable - Behavior Charts for Kids - Computer Printer Picture Graphics

[mommy09]

Oh I forgot to add, you might try watching Supernanny. She has a lot of different ideas in dealing with behaviors. I know that I have learned some techniques from watching her. Also here is the website with some articles... Hope this helps....

Supernanny Official Site - Parenting Advice | Supernanny Tips | Childcare

[arbuckle17]

Hehe we like to watch super nanny too :P

[dachshunds4you]

Originally Posted by greenmama

In dealing with our 9 year old, I have implemented strategies from The Explosive Child. It has made a life changing difference in his explosiveness and defiance. My DH and I were discussing when the last meltdown was and we realized it was mid-September. Additionally, for consequences, we started out sending him to his room. This was disastrous. He could not handle being that angry or upset on his own. We found that time ins or imposed quiet time (ie. sit at table and do a workbook page or color) were much more effective in helping him calm down. We also learned that my connection with him means that I am able to talk him down very easily if I am in the right tolerant and unstressed frame of mind. Some days I have to work very hard to get there and other days it is easy.
Good luck. Every kid is so different and will have different triggers and issues. With our son, PTSD plays a HUGE part in his triggers and this may be the case for your DD as well.

greenmama - she isn't with us yet, we have a staffing today so I don't know if it's explosive because of ADHD or what she's been through...probably a little of both.
But, how do you get them to sit at a table doing a workbook or coloring if they're being explosive? do you let her/him rant/rave until it's done, or do you say calmly sit at the table and color? How do you enforce this? Great advice thank you!

[dachshunds4you]

Originally Posted by onhazier

R has ADHD. We use several different approaches.

1. For lies or bad words, R must write sentences. We started this when he was 6 and it is REALLY effective. If you hear something you've stated is not allowed, you stop the conversation or activity immediately and sit the child down to write. We try to make the sentences positive. So, instead of saying "I will not lie." R writes "I will tell the truth." It is easy to forget the "not" in the first sentence. This plays into our approach of saying "Please remember to take out the trash" instead of "Don't forget to take out the trash." For cursing, you can have her write something like "I will use polite words."

2. Lies also get paired with a loss of favored belongings or privledges. R tried to sneak a toy to school in his pocket this morning after I directed him to put it away. Because he did not deny he had it in his pocket, he didn't get sentences. However, the toy is now in my room until this weekend. There have been times when he went through a spate of telling lies. The taken away toys or privledges have to be earned back. Our rate is 1 a week with no further incident. He lost nearly all his toys year before last right after Christmas and it took him until April to earn them back.

3. When deciding on a consequence, we try very hard to tie the consequence to the issue we are trying to adjust. Earlier this week, he threw a bit of a fit when we said it was bedtime. R didn't want to stop watching a tv show. He lost tv privledges for a couple of days.

Some of the things that helped us:
1. Be consistent with your household rules and their consequences.
2. We took R to see a counselor and she taught him various strategies to deal with his feelings and reactions. Kids with ADHD have a hard time with this because of the impulsivity issues they have. It made a HUGE difference for him to see her for the time that he did.
3. Kids with ADHD also benefit from regular physical exercise and sports. R takes Tae Kwon Do with the full support of his psychologist and counselor. Organized physical activities helps the kids learn to think about things while their body is doing something and to learn to control their bodies.
4. If she does not yet have one, I strongly encourage you to get her an IEP in school. They can, and are required by Federal law, provide the services she needs. For example, R doesn't need much additional guidance with Math, Science or Social Studies because he finds those topics interesting and motivating. Language Arts is his challenge and where he receives additional support through his IEP. Little adjustments they can make can do so much for her. For example, kids with ADHD find it difficult to focus on black text on white backgrounds. By overlaying the text with a layer of grey plastic, the contrast is reduced and the text is easier for them to read. The IEP may also provide behavioral support.

5. Keep a consistent schedule. When she knows what to anticipate in her day, her day will be much easier.

Finally, mimiandgigi's color system is similar to what R's school uses in the classrooms for the K, 1 and 2 classes. It is a clear way for the kids to easily track themselves. We didn't reward with a daily toy. However, his school aslo gave little award slips when a child is caught doing something really good. We equated each one to a dollar and for every $15, we take him to the store to spend them. We only did that for a year.

This is great!! I'm inserting into word and printing this out.
I remember in school having to write sentences for talking too much! LOL!
But how also do you enforce this? If they say bad word, ok sit here do this. When you've written X amount of sentences you can come back and join the family? What if it takes all night...does she get nothing else (dinner?) if she hasn't done it...?

thank you for the exercise activity. I've been thinking of different things for her. I'll see what she likes, but maybe gymnastics, or a certain sport she may like.

[dachshunds4you]

Can I just say how much I appreciate all of you? Everyone's ideas and suggestions have been great. Now making it all work when/if she comes.

I'll be back for more questions I'm sure after our meeting this afternoon.

Thank you again! You mommy's are awesome (and daddys too!)!!!

Wanted to add I LOVE supernany!! Watch it all the time. It's set to TiVo so I never miss an episode. I may need to call her to my home soon!

[chloroxsis]

The little girl I hope to get has similar issues. I've been playing with different plans myself.

So far, I've come up with:
When she arrives, we will have a meeting to talk about rules. I want her to help me come up with the rules. She cusses a lot, and in my house "stupid" is a bad word. So, it'll be a big change. So, I want her to help come up with the consequence for cussing.

I am thinking of rewarding primarily. If she manages to get through the day without cussing, without lying, getting her homework done, then she is rewarded.

If she cusses, calls someone a disrespectful name, or is violent, then she will lose privileges. Equally, we will come up for rules for me. If I yell, then I will have to pay consequences. I want her to see that the rules are to help us to live together in a good environment, not just to make her do something or behave a certain way.

I don't have my plan totally together. But I think I will use beans of different colors. Each day if everything is done as expected, she can get a certain amount of beans. If she has consequences, then she has to pay some beans back, and if she does above normal, she gets extra. Beans can be used to buy privileges. Choosing what's for dinner, an extra fifteen minutes of staying awake, watching TV, computer time, etc.

This is a great thread. I need it!