[mommy09]

In your opinion is this appropriate???

Last weekend my 12 y/o fd went to her mom's for a weekend visit. During this time her mom took her to see "Paranormal Activity" which is a rated R movie!!!!!
Do any of you think that the cw should be informed about this? I don't wanna be a tattle tale but I don't think this was appropriate.... What's your opinion???????

[stevenstwin]

Originally Posted by mommy09

In your opinion is this appropriate???

Last weekend my 12 y/o fd went to her mom's for a weekend visit. During this time her mom took her to see "Paranormal Activity" which is a rated R movie!!!!!
Do any of you think that the cw should be informed about this? I don't wanna be a tattle tale but I don't think this was appropriate.... What's your opinion???????

Well, I think that it is for sure "inappropriate" but the question is whether it is a parental choice or not. I'm in Canada so our ratings are a bit different - if a movie is 18A a child is allowed to get in WITH a parent. If it is "R" then anyone under 18 is not allowed. Did this mom break the law, or just make a poor choice? Anyway, it won't hurt to let the CW know. then she can "use" it or not as she sees fit.

[arbuckle17]

In the US:

R = you have to have an adult with you if yo are under 18
nc-17 and up you have to be 18 no questions asked.

At age 11 or 12 I watched Ace Ventura (obviously ageing myself as young) which was pg-13 and I remember that as being a first.

Of course movie ratings have changed a lot, and so have what parents allow. My little through bbbs is 7 and his mom took him to see Dark Knight which was pg-13 (probably should have been R).

I don't condone it and I don't think it is appropriate but I suspect she is at an age where it will be tough to make a good stand on it.

[peregrinerose]

I don't see anything wrong with it. She went with a parent, which is what the R rating means... must have an adult with you if under age 18. Just because bmom's opinion is different than yours regarding what is appropriate doesn't make her wrong. Doesn't mean you're wrong either. This is the kind of decision that every family has the right to make for themselves and their children.

[thelowlanders]

I agree that it's differences in opinion. I wouldn't approve of it but... she's not mine.

I would however, casually mention that it was nice that they took her to the movies (because it was) , they went to see such and such. I would have been super scared when I was 12 to see that one. whew.

Something to that matter. Then the cw is at least aware of it and they can make their opinion from it.

[thanksgivingmom]

My parents never really censored what I was allowed to watch based on ratings alone. And I don't think that was a bad thing - it was just their decision.

I too think that this is a parenting decision - and probably one that a LOT of parents made this weekend. I highly doubt your FD was the only kid her age whose parent took them to see that movie.

Like another poster said - no one's "right" - it's just a parenting decision.

[laceyc]

I talked to our pastor a few months ago...before I was a fp...about some teens in our area who are allowed to walk the streets alone all day and half the night (they are 13 and 14 y/o girls) and he said that just b/c it was not what I would do does not make it wrong...just a decision.

[crick]

If it's just a parent taking their child to a movie, regardless if you agree with the age/rating or not, it's really not something I'd mention at all.

If it's something related to a continued use of poor judgement and your fd was upset about it, then that's different. And I don't mean poor judgement in the sense of you don't agree with the movie choices, but a pattern shown of exposing or involving her child in unsafe situations or ones that upset your fd. kwim?

[deadcalm]

I don't see anything wrong with it. She did follow the parental guidelines.

I was 11 when I saw The Exorcist.

[Chancey]

My two cents...

We have a bio son who will be 13 in two weeks. We let him see R movies. It is our choice.

I think reporting something like this to the CW might be a little over the top.

[c.a]

I think it depends on why the movie is rated R and what the child's issues are. I probably would mention it to the caseworker.

While there might be 12 year old kids who are mature enough to handle rated R movies, You are not talking about a typical 12 year old kid, but a kid with a family history that requires her to be in foster care. Does bmom understand what the child's issues and/or triggers are?

A few specific examples come to mind: (1) If a child has a trauma history, or a family history of domestic violence, then taking her to an R rated movie with a lot of violence could be highly inappropirate and should be reported. (2) If the child has a history of sexual abuse, then taking her to an R rated movie with explicit sexual scenes or scenes where women are degraded sexually, could be very inappropriate. (3) If a child has separation issues, or significant issues of loss relating to her own placement as a foster child, taking her to an R rated movie where parents die or children are separated from their family could be very inappropriate.

I remember when my mom took me to my first two rated R movies the summer that I was 13 years old - I thought it was a big treat. (Since you will want to know, and it will date me - yes, it was the two Brooke Sheilds movies "Blue Lagoon" and "Endless Love") When I saw both of those movies again as an adult, I was shocked! Those movies were totally inappropriate for a 13 year old girl. Lets see . . . (1) "BL" teenage siblings stranded on an island have sex, have a baby and live happily ever after and (2) "EL" teenager has sex with her boyfriend (not knowing that her mother watches) boyfriend becomes obsessed with her and torches her house when dad tries to slow the relationship down. A few years later, she learns that her mother forgave the boyfriend so she decides to visit him and resumes the relationship while he is still locked up in a psychiatric facility. Horrible movies for a 13 year old girl.

Talk to the social worker - not to tattle on mom, but to see if mom needs some support around being her child's parent and setting appropriate boundaries.

Let us know how it goes, and good luck.

[excited2adoptsoon]

I don't think it's that bad.

And I think that fosterparents need to pick their battles. If you report something that is relatively minor, they may start discrediting you or not take you really seriously.

I would not report that, especially since it's not illegal.

[DreamingAzure]

I would report it in a casual manner...but then I think most movies don't have a high enough rating on them! I wouldn't dream of letting one of the kids in my care watch an R rated movie before they are 14 or 15...and then only with great care on my part! But then I know a lot of parents who don't think there is anything wrong with their 3 and 4 year old using 4 letter words left and right either...no they aren't "bad" parents...but they aren't good parents either lol Of course that is just MHO

[Ssumner]

ALthough I would NOT let my 11 year old see a R movie, it is up to the parents. In this case, I would not report this.

BTW - I saw this movie with my 18 daughter and it was one of the scariest movies EVER! I can't believe some parents would let a child of the age 11/12 see this movie. VERY disturbing and scary

[ca-bigsister]

I wouldn't let FD see R rated movies until 16.

But her biomom had her seeing them when she was 7 or even earlier.

Probably not worth reporting unless she has nightmares or something. I would probably ask the parent if she thinks that was the movie to take her to - maybe do more PG movies.