[mamallama]

We were asked if we were willing to adopt Libby's three older sibs. We've said yes but they can't move in till we get adoptive placement of Libby - should be in Jan. - because we'll exceed our foster capacity.

We have NEVER had a sibling visit with them because the plan was always for the kids to be adopted separately.

We're having our first visit this week. The kids don't know that we intend to adopt them. The plan is to do sib visits and then transition after the holidays when we get AP of Libby.

I want to make them a little scrapbook of pictures of our family and their sister. Do you think it's appropriate to give it to them on the first visit? I was thinking they could show it to their current foster mom (she's not attending the meeting).

I just don'twant to overwhelm them. They are 6, 4 and almost 3. This is the first time they'll meet their baby sister. And they are being pulled from school/daycare for the visit.

So stressful for them. And I am a ball of nerves. I want to make it as easy as possible for them. With a natural and slow transition so that they are as comfortable as possible.

So here are my questions:

Should I only bring Libby to the visit? We have three other children, two of which would also have to be pulled from school. My gut says just the two babies but our boys are so anxious to meet them and will be sad they didn't get to go.

Scrapbook on the first visit? Yes or No

Do you think it would be appropriate to bring a few play things for them to the visit? A matchbox car or two, a coloring book, etc. The CPS office always has crap broken toys (in my opinion) and I want to have something to do with them. Would it be appropriate to let them bring those toys home?

Should I bring snacks and drinks for them during the visit? Our only visit experiences have been with our foster kids visiting bio parents and we always provided snack. Not sure what the standard is. Also, this visit is happening at lunch time.

[greenrobin]

Wow! How exciting!

I'd call the cw and see if you're expected to bring lunch/snacks. Eating together is a pretty bonding experience in general.

I wouldn't bring anybody other than their sister at this point. Like you said, too overwhelming. Maybe on the second visit, but right now it's about them. You mentioned a slow, natural progression, so I'd let them naturally progress in meeting the rest of the family.

Small toys, yes. I don't know about giving them stuff the first time, but I don't know if it's bad. A small picture album might be nice. Just don't make a big deal of it. If they don't know they're being adopted by you, there might be issues.

Sticky territory! Take it easy. I kind of think about it like getting married. We don't meet our significant other's entire family, learn their entire history, get all of their pictures on the first date. I would have run screaming in the other direction! (and for several years, still had that urge, but that's an entirely different story!)

But, congratulations! I know others here will have fabulous advice.

[mamachell]

I don't really have experience in this situation but I just wanted to say how wonderful it is that you are adopting all 4. I think Greenrobin's advice is completely on target. I would try not to overwhelm the kids on the first visit. Just keep it as a casual playdate.

[jcm]

No advice, just wanted to poke my head in and say congrats...how exciting!

[reesegayla]

I also do not have experience in this area but I am going to give you my opinion. I would hold off on the pictures album if they don't know you are adopting them. Maybe you could bring one picture for each of them that has all of you in it just so that they can see your other kids. I would not bring all of the kids either. Maybe the second time so they can play together but the first time I would bring as few children as possible. And I would def bring food! Kids love food and it is a good way to bond and something to talk about.