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  #1  
Old 10-27-2009, 08:30 AM
j.elizabeth36 j.elizabeth36 is offline
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Pre-Placement Visits

i'm am soooo over pre-placement visits! i completely agree that they're important, but i feel as though they are becoming counterproductive. here's the deal...

we're adopting a ten year old boy from foster care, he lives four hours away, and we've been meeting with him every other weekend since july. we've finally moved on to the weekend visits at our home, of which we've now had two. the grand plan is that these will carry on until a couple of days before christmas. all of the workers say he seems happy and on-board with the adoption idea, but they want to wait till the school break to transition. meanwhile, we're worn out from driving back and forth every weekend and trying to maintain a normal routine for him even though he's only with us for a couple of days. we can't begin attachment therapy together until he's here on a weekday (his visits can only be on weekends now so he doesn't miss school), so we're kind of flying blind on building a bond.

so the question is...has anyone else been going through this type of prolonged visit schedule. i would understand if he has having issues, but they all think he's handling it very well. what about placement that close to christmas? it seems like it will be quite stressful! oh well, any advice or kind words would be appreciated!
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  #2  
Old 10-27-2009, 08:55 AM
Chancey Chancey is offline
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We did not go through that kind of visit schedule when we adopted our then 14 yo son. We had one visit over the weekend almost 4 hours away. The next weekend, we went down to get him and he came home with us. Although, it was during Christmas break that we got him, so the transition was more natural. I think sometimes the dragging it out is more traumatic than just doing a couple visits then moving! Good luck.
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Old 10-27-2009, 09:07 AM
greenmama greenmama is offline
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Can you ask his case manager about moving the transition up to Thanksgiving? That might provide enough time for a move and a start at a new school. We transitioned for 3 months while we waited for school to end and it was really hard on all of us. By the end we were together 6 days a week but he hadnt officially moved in.
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Old 10-27-2009, 01:07 PM
sandysis sandysis is offline
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Wow, that sounds like a REALLY long transition. I have not adopted through foster care, but I did adopt a 10 year old (international). Of course the difference there is that she came home with us a week after we met her. Her bonding has been strong and fast. Not without it's little blips in the road, but always moving forward.
I hope you can work out getting him sooner. Sounds like it would be good for all involved.

sandysis
mom to 4
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  #5  
Old 10-27-2009, 01:37 PM
kxl164 kxl164 is offline
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I know you are worn out, but if he is doing so well with the long transition and it will lessen the amount of change he has to endure I'd just deal with it. I think it was a good plan, instead of trying to have him transition and start a new school all at once they gave him, and you, plenty of time to get acclimated and a chance to change schools when at a logical time when he will have the chance to have time with you first.

He could be doing so well because of the long drawn out transition, so I don't see how it is counter-productive for him.

If you really think this is too much, then I would ask about transitioning at Thanksgiving like another poster suggested, but I think that Christmas break would be best. Let him have that last Christmas season with his friends at school, that one last holiday party to say goodbye and 2 weeks to adjust to his new permanent family before having to adjust to a new school.
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