[Newshyde]

I'm not sure where to ask for advice on this, but you people are pretty smart and savvy so I figured someone might have an idea.

My mom called me this weekend to inform me that my former SIL has filed a child abuse complaint and no contact order against her own mother on behalf of her 15yo sister whom she wants emancipated so "little sister" can live with her. The complaint was filed with CPS and there is a court hearing in two week. The no contact includes my FSIL, her two kids, boyfriend, and my mom, who is her exMIL. My mom was pretty upset because she had not agreed to a "no contact" and when she learned about it, was pretty eager for some contact to find out what is going on. Luckily, the no contact didn't restrict my mom from calling her mom and figuring stuff out.
My FSIL and her mother have had a very bad relationship that included FSIL begging to be placed in foster care when she was 16, pretty much with a specific foster family she knew and her parents had to pay for it. The foster family pretty much allowed her free reign to do whatever she wanted and she believes little sister needs the same freedom.

When you get around her she paints a pretty bad picture of her family life, but once you get to know the family, you know its not true.
She and my nephew lived with me for 9 months. I bought into her lies and manipulation for a little while then realized the best word to explain her is "toxic."

She really truly is a terrible person who aims to control everyone around her and uses her children as leverage against everyone. Now she wants her sister and has apparently gotten a lot more brazen about her tactics.

Amazingly her mom has really tried to work with her, been patient with her and given in to all her crazy, except when it comes to little sister. She even tried to be patient, asking her to stay away, until she caught FSIL showing up at little sister's school to pick her up after she had been dropped off in the a.m. Then she tried to file a restraining order against FSIL on behalf of little sister, but the police said she couldn't unless there had been some sort of physical injury already done. Then, the no contact order comes against the mom.

Whew that was already long and is just a summary. My mom has agreed to be a character witness for the mom, despite the repercussions that will follow. FSIL and I had a big falling out this summer, so me doing anything won't make things worse, so I've decided to write a letter to the judge on behalf of her mom since I can't make the court hearing. My brother, exhusband of FSIL, has also decided to go to court on behalf of his former MIL, who happens to hate him.

So, now that I've agreed to write this letter ... this is the real point of my post .... I know it needs to be professional and not super inflammatory, but I need some advice on the key points I should address.
This is what I'm thinking so far....
What I know of her mom's character from personal interaction...
A summary of FSIL's lies and manipulation tactics and ??? I don't know what else.
Illegal things I suspect my FSIL is doing... ie defrauding the government for welfare benefits, not obeying a court order to let my brother see his son, etc. Although I think those are things her own mom is going to bring up in court. I don't know if me being a foster parent or having lived with FSIL will have any sway in my letter either.

My hope is that if enough people show up and show support for her mom (which is mostly family that FSIL has mentally and emotionally abused and abandoned) CPS might want to take a look at her and what her motivations are.

Ok, that got a lot longer than I thought it would. If you would like more details to have a better idea of what is going on, feel free to PM me.
Thanks!

[Sdirector]

Stick to facts, and keep emotion out of what you say! The facts are what matter. Also, be as brief as possible, and get right to your point. These people are busy, and if you want to be read and taken seriously, that is important.

Above all else, be respectful! These folks need to make decisions that affect peoples lives forever in a big way every day. They generally take it very seriously, and eve. If you don't always agree with them, you have to respect someone who has to see a little snapshot, and make a decision based on that.

You may have an influence... It is hard to say, and so much depends on the judge as they are all individuals.

[hrisme]

I don't know how it all works, but can the judge order a psychological evaluation of both the mother & your FSIL prior to making a decision? It may be worth requesting, your FSIL's manipulation tactics could indicate a personality disorder that an experienced psychologist may be able to pick up on.

[Newshyde]

Thanks for the replies. I thought court was the end of this week and it was today so my letter didn't get there in time, but according to my mom, wasn't really needed.
The judge apparently asked really good questions and then told my exSIL to stop interferring with her mother's parenting. Her not liking it, isn't cause for a no contact and denied it. My exSIL is super mad at everyone.
The CPS investigation is ongoing but apparently this is the 3rd time my exSIL has made an allegation against her mom, the other two times nothing happened. This time the investigator told her mom (according to my mom) that if the allegations are false, then they are going to attempt to prosecute her for making false allegations. I didn't know they could do that.
Also, her mom reported her fraud and such and now they are looking at her for that.

What drama! Anyone, I'm glad for a good judge who could see through her BS.

Oh ya, and hrisme, I wish they could do a phychological evaluation. I'm sure she has a personality disorder or something. Her behavior is so irrational most of the time. I am concerned about her two kids, but she has been pretty good about walking that fine line between reportable behavior and just strict parenting.

Again, thanks. I was able to look at things more objectively.