[o2b30again]

feel compelled to push the limits? Here I sit having to make a difficult decision because they yet again broke the rules.

Here is our situation...Our children are pre adoptive

Parents negotiated contact with the court prior to signing TPR this July. We have never met them but we agreed that they could have access to a site where I blog about the children, post pictures etc. The ONLY 2 stipulations...1. They are not allowed to contact us through the site. 2. They are not allowed to REPOST the photos of the children online anywhere. They can print copies etc for themselves. Birthmom removed herself from the site after 2 weeks. Dad still had access. Every three weeks it is something. I am not posting enough etc. Well I post about every 2 weeks and have posted over 200 pictures since the kids were officially signed off for TPR....This was in JULY!!!

I check their MySpace pages about every other week to make certain that there is no reposting. For whatever reason I decided to check Facebook the other night and there staring back at me was MY little girl sitting on MY couch!! I have no problems "sharing" my children. I am not threaten in the least that my kids still "love" there bio family. What I do have a problem with is that the birth parents pretend that the children are still with them etc. Stuff like "look how beautiful my baby is" etc. They may be responsible for creating her but I am responsible for that smile and twinkle in her eyes!

I have removed the birth father from the site and have to clear up the picture stuff with Facebook. Now the SW wants to know if I am going to do updates via photos/letters. I am torn between feeling sorry for the idiot because he can't seem to get it together and being just plan ticked that he broke the one main stipulation. Why should I now do something else for him? He had his chance. What if I again make a different agreement and he just scans the photos into the computer? I can't trust him to keep my baby from being posted all over the internet.

I know that I don't want to agree to anything else. He blew it. I just feel bad having to stop him. I have always wanted the semi-open adoption. Why did he have to ruin it?

After re reading my post it sounds like I just needed to vent. Even though it was just a vent feel free to post your opinions. I am not going to reply to the SW until I have really thought this through some more. It has been over 24 hours and I am still mad.

[stevenstwin]

Yep, he blew it. One question - will updating with electronic photos and letters actually solve the problem? If he has access to a scanner (and who doesn't? You can go into any photo store or library) he could STILL post those pictures on his Facebook. I guess then the qeustion becomes "Will it HARM anyone if he is pretending the kids are still with him?" I'd like to see some opinions on that.

[o2b30again]

Thanks for the reply. What bothers us is that we don't want the children splashed all over the internet. Someday the children will get online and see the stuff that they have posted. Stuff pops up instantly in a general search of the parents name. How confusing is that going to be? How are the children to interpet this? I know that it is all for show and attention but how are the kids going to handle it.

On a side note: If someone else copied my bio kids pictures and started posting them on the internet I would be just as upset.

[parenting-over-40]

My 2 cents (for what it is worth) . . . If it were me, I would cut him off from pics. He has already shown that he has no intention of following the stipulations. Thus, he needs to feel the consequences. This is the only way, I believe, he will get the message. I would still send the letters but no pics. Now, IF things change over time and he proves that he can be trusted, I would start sending a pic or 2 down the road (way down the road).

Good luck with your decision. Your heart will tell you what you need to do.

[mylovebug]

my situation is a little different because I met the bfamily and have built some what of a relationship with them. I am open to alot of things, I still take him to visit all of both sides of the family (on my terms). And I have also been known to text her a few pictures from my cell to her cell and then see the pic on her myspace page. Same thing here, she pretends life is great and hes still her son and has comments about him coming home soon to his mommy and daddy. The pics are of him in my high chair and it says, my baby eating at his foster home. Apparently she is quite open about posting the situation or status. It was a little strange the first few times I saw pictures of him in my house on there but I have never said anything and we never had an agreement about it. Like I said, it was a different situation but we are ok with the openness. If we see them in public (which we do often since they live less than 2 miles away) we speak. I have had him for close to 2 years and he is a little over 2 so I am all he REALLY knows. It does drive them crazy that he calls me mommy and that he is very clingy to me and doesnt have much to do with his bmother but it isn't my fault that things went this way I am just here for him. To each their own on how they chose to handle the situation, I am not saying that I am doing it the right way because one day we may have to address situations that come from the way we chose to go but for now I am more open than alot of other foster parents that I know. I also have adopted a daughter and it is much more closed. We do send letters and pics to the agency and stuff but have never met and from doing it both ways I prefer the openness. I feel like if I need to know something medically or just family history or whatever I can just pick up the phone as to the other situation, I have lots of unanswered questions. We will meet her family oneday when she is older. deffinately not saying one way is right and the other is wrong, just simply saying each situation is different and is to be handled differently.

[EandDmom]

Well my situation is different in that they are not preadoptive..yet.. I used to give their mom tons of photos. Every activity they did anything of importance so she wouldn't be left out. Until I found them posted on her myspace page. What ticked me off was they were photos of them in my home with my daughter in the background. I cut off the photos. She also has told no one in her non-immediate family or friends that they have been in foster care for a year and a half. I wouldn't have had a problem with her posting them except when you show my daughter and my home online. For your issue I would also say yep you blew it but I would send him one photo and one update letter a year through DCS.