[KelleyF]

My fs went back home 2 weeks ago after being with us for 21 months. He just turned 2 last week so he's been with us almost his whole life. His mom would like us to still have contact with him. Any idea how long we should wait before our first visit with him? How often we should visit? His mom asked us when we would like to see him and as much as I would like to see him all day every day, I want to do what's best for him. He's very attached to us (and us to him!) and I don't want to make it hard for him. I'm sure he will cry when we have to leave...as he always has done. Any suggestions?

[myForeverkids3]

First of all (hugs) Sending them "home" is so hard!

I don't think there are any cut and dry answers. Every situation is different. I would caution you to be very aware of bmoms feelings. Seeing her son cling to you and cry for you will be heartbreaking. (we went through this with our 1st FD)Reassure her that it will get better and be sure to communicate to the child that this is his mommy and this is where is is suppossed to be (do this in front of her) even if you don't always feel this way! If she feels like you don't support her, the visits may disappear. IMO he needs to see you and know that you have not disappeared. He will get used to seeing you less and less. (we saw our FD monthly in the beginning and now 1-2 times a year-it's been 4 years) Kids this age have little concept of time so do what you think mom can handle.

[Newshyde]

My situation is a little different because my FFS is a 13 hour drive away now, but what I did was weekly phone calls for about a month where he heard my voice, but didn't see me. Plus his gma let him look at pictures of me all the time. He was almost 2 years old at the time. After about 2 months we cut the phone calls back. I let him get situated and then went out with my current kiddos to visit. It had been about 7 months since I had seen him. He still called me mommy and was upset when I left (we stayed for two days) but because he was very established with his family he was ok.
I wouldn't wait too long to see or at least talk to him, just to let him know you are still around, but wouldn't overdo the contact either because you want him to get established and feel comfortable.
Just like when kids do visits with the bios and get unsettled about where they are at and where home is, the same thing can happen with visits with former foster parents, so you don't want to contribute to the confusion, but you don't want to dissapear either. Take your cues from the mom and the baby and I'm sure you'll figure out the right thing to do.
Good luck.