[ILfstr]

Sorry this is so long!

I’m normally a very soft spoken person, but I’ve a hard time keeping my cool in the mornings lately. This seems to be a rough time for a lot of people, so for those of you, who have mastered the art of morning time, PLEASE tell me the trick!

My FS is 9 and I try and wake him up a few minutes early, so he has a few minutes to lay there before he gets up, but sometimes he just refuses to get out of bed. Sometimes he will even be wide awake after I take the covers off of him and will be sitting up in bed, but won’t get up and get dressed. I’ve told him if he doesn’t get up, he won’t have time for breakfast and will have to go to school in his PJ’s (I don’t even think he would mind going to school in his PJ’s). He doesn’t really respond to the threat of loss of privileges. I have tried a reward chart and positive encouragement, but that has not worked. If I raise my voice at all (not yelling) with him, he tells me he is not going to do it because I’m yelling at him.

Usually after going back and forth a dozen times while I’m trying to get ready for work, basically pleading and begging him to get up and get ready, he will do it, but pretty much at a turtle’s pace with no sense of urgency. I have to tell him over and over to do each step (get dressed, put your shoes on, brush your teeth, etc). He takes a shower at night and we get his backpack ready then, so he pretty much just has to get dressed and brush his teeth.

I’m a single parent and I catch a train to go to work in the morning, so I cannot be late.
It is just so frustrating and draining and puts me in such a bad mood to start my day. Sometimes I just want to scream/cry in the mornings.

I feel like this 9yr old has so much control over me and just does what he wants/when he wants to. This only seems to be an issue in the mornings

Any advise would be much appreciated!!!

[arbuckle17]

My grandmother had the best solution to this problem.

My window was right next to the bed, and in the North West the hose water gets brutal cold this time of year (actually have to blow the hoses out so they don't freeze).

It only took one early morning shower to correct that problem permanently.

[akg1229]

for every five minutes he stays in bed refusing to get up in the am thats 15 minutes he has to go to bed early that night... obviously he's telling you he isn't getting enough sleep. A couple nights of this and he may think twice about it. If that means no time for free time or games due to him having other responsibilities, well there is the weekend for that.

[onhazier]

What your grandmother did back then would not be accepted today. Do not toss water on the child. I believe it is not in the allowed discipline options you have available. You might want to ask your CW for options.

In the meantime...
1. Wake him up even earlier.
2. Lay out his clothes the night before. That way, you don't have any time lost in picking out clothes. If he goes in his PJs, peer pressure will correct that behavior really quickly.
3. Have some portable breakfast foods for him. If he's not fast enough in getting dressed to eat breakfast, hand him a PB&J or a breakfast bar as you walk out the door.
4. Keep to your schedule but do not whine, beg or plead for him to cooperate. If he doesn't have his shoes on as you're about to walk out the door, pick them up and have him put them on in the car after he's buckled up. If he has not brushed his teeth, tell him it is too bad that he'll have bad breath round his friends today and walk out the door. (Make sure he brushes at night, though.)
5. If he's slow in the moring due to fatigue, send him to bed earlier.
6. Give him one direction at a time. Only give him the next when the first is accomplished.

He is most likely doing this because you are giving him a sense of control. You're the adult. He is not. Do not yell. Just firmly state and state. Do not negotiate. Tell him. "We walk out the front door at (time) each day regardless of your readiness. If you need more time, you get up earlier. If you get up earlier, you go to be earlier."

My 8yr old R can be super pokey in the morning. We keep it all about business. The morning routine is his "job." We will ask him "What is your job in the morning?" when he's arguing or being deliberately oppositional about getting ready. The only right answer is "To get ready for school." We say "Brush your teeth" and "Get dressed" and "Eat your breakfast" mutliple times each school morning. I just refuse for it to be a fight. I will repeat each statement to keep R on task. (R has ADHD and the meds don't kick in until he reaches school.) R sometimes accuses me of being "too strict" in the morning. I point out that we all have jobs in the morning to make sure everyone gets to where they need to be on time. R's job is to just get ready for school. I offered recently to say nothing at all and let R do it all without reminders or direction. R responded with "But I'll be LATE!"

Good luck! Tell yourself that you're the boss of getting the job of morning done and you are delegating tasks to him.

[dachshunds4you]

Have your tried making it fun? I don't have older children (so I'm no expert by any means), but I had watched a young girl about 8 yrs old and she was a pain to get up in the mornings.

I'd blast the radio to some really fun songs and start singing them and tickling her and playing at the same time just being silly and goofy. She'd try to resist, but soon she'd be laughing at me! Then, once she was awake I'd be like come on come on time to brush our teeth time to get up and get dressed, and put those words in place of the words of the song and be real silly.

It worked really well every morning.

Just a thought.

[greenmama]

If it is a control or power struggle, the best thing you can do is show that you don't care if he doesn't do it. Although you do care, spend a lot of time shrugging and give a directive and then walk out if his room and go about your own business. My kids have only 3 jobs in the morning: eat breakfast, brush teeth, get dressed...in that order. Once they have done that they can play until it is time to leave...the few minutes of free time are a big motivator for them. Good luck!

[Nevada Jen]

The earlier to bed thing works great for us. If DS is not up and in the kitchen by 8 am, I tell him once we make it to the car that morning that clearly he needs more sleep and he will be going to bed a half and hour earlier from now on. And then I make a big deal out of putting him to bed earlier that night.

I also take things away from him in front of him, on the spot. For instance, "If you are not out of bed when I come back you lose a train." I wait 5 minutes come back and usually take a train right in front of him. Just make sure you don't run out of things to take away. My DH thinks he is a better disciplinairian than me because he says "If you are not dressed in 15 minutes I am taking ALL your trains." Then he follows through. I always want to nudge him and ask him what he plans to do now about the naked kid still lying in bed. I honestly don't even get upset about it or get crabby. For a while taking trains away from DS was just a part of our morning routine.

[AmyAnne]

Another idea from Love and Logic is to have a sitter on Standby. IF he's not ready the sitter comes and it's like a "School day". He spends the time during school hours in his room. He can come out at lunchtime and have the lunch you packed him. And then? He pays off the sitter by either having to forfeit an item of value, such as his MP3 Player or he works off the time for you that weekend.

It sounds like his sluggishness is a control thing. He knows you need him to get ready, and if you're pleading with him... who is in charge? Him.

[ILfstr]

Thanks for all your advice!

I agree it is defintely a control issue.

I will try some of your suggestions and cross my fingers!

I will try harder not to let it bother me so much in the morning and just go with the flow (easy to say when it's not 5:30am!)

I'll let you know how it goes next week! If anyone else has any other suggestions, I would love to hear them...

Thanks again!

[mykids1027]

Chores and a piggy bank. Make it so that he has a chore every morning before school. Give him an allowance for that chore and at the end of the week, he gets to buy something with the money. I'm doing it right now, but it's going to sleep and smiley faces. If at the end of the week, he has more smiley faces than sad, he gets to pick out a toy. Week two and it's working. A chore for a token with the promise of picking a toy works wonders, as long as you follow through. It's a good first start. Good luck

[GAMOM75]

what works for my 12 year old is charging her for every time I have to remind her to get ready or brush her teeth etc. If he is money motivated, tell him the night before the new rule and that you won't give a warning. Then enforce it. With my 12 year old it just took one day and a $32.00 bill out of her allowance to get her to comply. If not money motivated, I like the idea of going to bed so many minutes early for every time I have to tell them to do something.

We had a sibling set of 3 here once and the money thing worked great. Even for the 5 year old. When he got a bill for not going to bed the first time I asked and his sister got a check for going to bed with out being asked.His immediate response was "Wow,I should have gone to bed the first time" So cute.

[la vida loca]

I went through the same thing with my AD a couple years ago. I decided to let her Barbies (Skipper dolls actually) wake her. I stood them on the edge of the bed and had them get into an argument, with one saying my AD would never be able to get up, the other one insisting that she would not only get up but that she would have a great morning. She usually got up pretty quickly.

We still have a getting dressed race every morning too. She loves to win.