[momsphotoop]

So a week has passed and the more I think about it the more I have an idea of who accused me of sharing our FD legal name on FB and sharing details of the case. Both of which were flat out lies. Don't I have the right to know who my accuser is? Would they have acted on an anonymous caller? When I tried to tell them I didn't do it, they said the person knew the baby's full name. Her name is very different and even my own parents don't know her name but I have one family member who knows it and the only person who has issues with us doing this, she is very egotistical and would not put it past her to make waves.
Don't I have the right to know who called and complained about us, especially if it is false?

[Withay]

One thing dhs will never disclose is who filed a complaint. If they didn't keep this information confidential think about how many children could/would be hurt by more abuse because someone turned the parents in and made them angry. How many people wouldn't come forward with information if they knew their names would be given to the parents.

If you really want to find out if the person you suspect of turning you in is the one why not point blank ask her 'did you complain to dhs about my FB page?' Even if she denies it you might be able to tell by her body language. If you can't tell, then I'm sorry to say, but it would be time to drop the issue (imo).

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but bugging dhs with this may result in Munchkin-girl being moved/your license being revoked/not being renewed/no more children placed with you. Is this something you want to chance?

[momsphotoop]

Of course that is not what I want but being accused of something that I didn't do is just wrong. All I have to do is reactivate the facebook page, print it all out (or even give them my name and password) to show them how false those allegations were. I live my life with the motto of "do the right thing" so this is just really upsetting to me. What is next from this anonymous person, who's to say they won't make a complaint about something worse? It is just so unfair to do to the little one, she is the one who will suffer if she is moved.

[onhazier]

The real lesson here may be that you need to avoid this person in the future and not share details with her.

[Nevada Jen]

If you are almost positive you know who it is just go to her and say, "DHS told me you tried to turn me in. Just so you know, if a false allegation is made, they don't keep the accusers name confidential." But Withay is right, they will not tell you no matter what.

[DannieAS]

Originally Posted by momsphotoop

Don't I have the right to know who called and complained about us, especially if it is false?

I don't want to be rude, but NO! I'm a mandated reporter and work in a very rough school district. If I knew that cps (or whatever acronym they go by in your area) would tell an irate parent if I reported on them knowing that I work with gang member's kids and whatever, I'd never call. I want to live and not fear for my life! I'm not saying you're going to go and kill someone, but this is why identities need to be kept hidden.

I'd confront her about it and if you don't get what you think you know, then I'd steer clear of this person.

[chevyjewel]

Sorry if I'm confused but the report isn't all false is it? You did share your foster child's full name with someone didn't you? Family member or not it doesn't matter, no one is supposed to be privy to such information.

And you did have pictures up of your foster child on your facebook? (previously ok-ed by a different sw but they were up there right?)

Frankly I don't understand what you're upset about aside from the fact that one sw approved the fb sharing and now you're being told something completely different.

Wasn't what was reported accurate on a couple of different levels?

[soupnazi]

What make you think anyone ever really saw it? It could very well be the birth family. Especially since the details are not correct. You shouldn't assume it was anyone you know.

[momsphotoop]

1- This person who is a family member was in my home when the baby was dropped off and introduced to us, no one including the caseworker told her to cover her ears when the child's name was given.

2- Yes her photos were up there, I am not fighting that at all but I never posted her name on there nor did I discuss details in the case, so that was a false allegation, actually two false allegations in which can be proven by reactivating and reading my page.

3- I am upset because we provide a loving, safe, stable, and super happy home to a beautiful child who deserves it and this person falsely accused us of two things therefore threatening this little one's well being and stability. This is a person I have to face often. She does not feel we should be doing foster care because it will "ruin" my bio child. She was trying to stop us by lying and going over our heads. What allegation will be next? Abuse? God forbid!

All I did was ask a question and everyone really jumped all over me about this, like I should just shut up and move on. You mean to all tell me if you were accused of something like this by someone that you really can not steer clear of AND 2/3’s of it was false you would all keep quiet?? I have no intention of harassing DSS, they are busy enough dealing that much bigger issues, I think and hope they have moved on from this, I am just having a hard time letting it go.

[DannieAS]

For me, it was the comment that you should have a right to know who made false allegations...

False allegations are HORRIBLE, and shouldn't happen...however, there are many people that 'claim' false allegations and could they please know who reported them

(again, I'm not saying you're claiming it to cause intent, just saying what some people say so they can intimidate)

DSS/CPS should never release names of people who have called to report things....that's why they investigate so that if it was a false allegation, then it would be a flag if another allegation came from the same person.

I'm rambling now....but that's why I made my original comment. While I get that annonymity is annoying when it's clearly something false, it is a good tool to get real abuse reported.

[alex9179]

Originally Posted by momsphotoop

1-
All I did was ask a question and everyone really jumped all over me about this, like I should just shut up and move on. You mean to all tell me if you were accused of something like this by someone that you really can not steer clear of AND 2/3’s of it was false you would all keep quiet??

Like you said yourself, all you have to do is either print out your FB communications and/or let DSS have access to it so that they can make a judgement. You've mentioned this a couple of times, so why aren't you doing just that? Tell them that you need to activate the page briefly to prove that some of the allegations were groundless and see what they say.

If I were accused, then I would have spoken with DSS immediately about presenting evidence that discounts the falsehoods. There is nothing to mull over there.

If I thought a family member had been behind it, I would have at least tried to speak to them about it.

So, no, I wouldn't keep quiet. I would take action.

[chevyjewel]

Originally Posted by momsphotoop

1- This person who is a family member was in my home when the baby was dropped off and introduced to us, no one including the caseworker told her to cover her ears when the child's name was given.

EASILY verifiable by that caseworker then. The person investigating could easily put two and two together, if they know it was this woman making the report and the caseworker verifies yes, that same person was there during drop off then that should be the end of it knowing that it wasn't you that spilled the beans about foster child's name but a worker (whom really should be fired for breaching confidentiality in such an irresponsible way - holy martha I can't imagine...).

Originally Posted by momsphotoop

This is a person I have to face often. She does not feel we should be doing foster care because it will "ruin" my bio child. She was trying to stop us by lying and going over our heads. What allegation will be next? Abuse? God forbid!

You don't even know it was her though so how can you say that?!!! As mentioned earlier this could totally be a birth family ploy to disrupt the placement! If you've already felt threatened by this woman in the past and want to cut her out of your life then by all means do what you need to do but don't do it on the basis that she did this if you have no proof.

Originally Posted by momsphotoop

You mean to all tell me if you were accused of something like this by someone that you really can not steer clear of AND 2/3’s of it was false you would all keep quiet??

I would state my case, knowing I didn't do what I was accused of and move on, yes. It's an accusation not an execution trial. Knowing in my heart that I didn't do it would be good enough for me so long as no action was taken. A simple report would not offend me as much as you've taken offense but that's me, I don't expect everyone to have as thick of skin. Obviously your agency didn't think it serious enough to remove the child so I too would suggest you move on as it's not worth getting so upset about further. In training I heard many times it's not *IF* we will ever be investigated but *WHEN* because everyone falls under the microscope for something at some point or another. It happens to the best of us, some end up being scrutinized much more harshly for much more serious accusations than this. Live and let be and cross your fingers this is the worst that'll ever fly your way.

[DianeS]

No, nobody is telling you to "shut up and move on".

But what we are telling you is that you are not going to be able to find out any more information than you were already given, and that you are not going to be able to change anything - the person who reported you, the standards you will be held to (whether you're told them or not), or the attitude of the people to whom you were reported.

The only things you can take from this for the future are the things you can personally, directly, control.

Those include decisions about who you allow in your life. If you truly believe you know who reported false things, then you have a decision to make. You can cut that person out of your life so they have absolutely no information about which to make a report in the future, or you can prepare yourself for additional false reports.

You could talk to that person, and hope they change their own attitude and make different decisions, but you can't make that happen. If they choose not to change, you're back to deciding between cutting them out, or preparing for more reports.

Another decision you are in control of is how you respond in the future when a social worker tells you that something is probably OK, or that she sees no problem with it. Now that you know that what one person says is not always backed up by another, and that policies exist that you haven't been told about, you can decide to take chances with that sort of assurance, or you can decide to only do things you have written permission for. Etc.

It really sucks to be accused of things, especially when they didn't happen, or when you thought what you did do was all right. But in foster care, this DOES happen. Sometimes its people trying to cause a problem, sometimes its bio parents trying to prove they're better than you, sometimes its strangers who don't understand. It's LOUSY. But it happens, and dwelling on it beyond deciding how to change your own behavior in the future doesn't help anybody, including yourself and your sweet foster child.

So take a deep breath, decide how you are going to change your way of doing things in the future (or not), and pray that DCF is finished addressing this one with you. That's about all you can do.

[momsphotoop]

Oh I did take action, I called and went up there that day and had a meeting. That is when I was told that I had disclosed her name on FB. I told them I absolutly had not but they said well this person does not have a FB page and told us her name, she said she read it off of FB (my page was private). I was so confused and started to wonder if I had made a mistake by using her name by accident (I checked and I hadn't), and the bigger issue was the photos so I just agreed to NEVER post anything again, no matter what it was. I just wanted them to know we would never put the baby's safetly in harms way.
I have already expressed all of this to my caseworker.
I am hesitant to keep bringing it up though and red flagging our names up there.
I really just want to know if it was the person whom I think it was, so I know who to cut out of our lives and direct these feelings to. I feel like I can not trust anyone around me

[momsphotoop]

Thank you so much Diane, I appreciate your responce and level headed way of looking at it. I know i have to move on and I know I may never find out who it is that reported us. I am pretty sure they have moved on
Thanks again!