[UTbrie]

Hey all! I just got my license about two weeks ago and am facing a dilemma about a possible future 1st placement!!! I am not sure whether this child would be too much for a first time foster parent (and also single female, never been a mommy) What is everyones opinions.....also, would I lose out on a possible future placement of my target age- 0-5 yr olds (medically needy/fragile) children while she is placed with me?

She is 12 years old, severly autistic/MR/DD. Total care. (think an overgrown toddler) No behaviors to speak of, NO aggression. Sleeps well. I am feeling selfish thinking of my social life. No one besides my parents would prob want to babysit (and they would need to be an alternate anyway). ANd my selfish streak says it would stink to be stuck at home all the time with her by myself.

What is everyones opinion on this???

[irelady10]

Yikes...I give you credit for considering this child for placement; I'm a single woman and think this would be too much for me. I think, if it does not feel right, you should be cautious before saying yes. This is a huge obligation...best of luck!

[Yash]

Have you received special training or classes? I wouldn't take this placement unless I had training, classes, read books. My friend's son is moderately autistic and she has gone to classes about autism, changed the family's diet, and is constantly researching and exploring new developments in this area.

Also if you've never been around or dealt with children or adults who are MR, it can be very trying. You need an enormous about of patience and understanding.

Plus her weight and height which will only increase as she gets older can also be challenging to deal with. She could accidentally hurt you without meaning to.

Any child is going to change your lifestyle. And any placement might mean no one other than your parents want to babysit. If you were my aunt, who has worked in special education for 30 years and used to babysit some of her students on the weekends, then I would say yes. If not, then I would say do a lot of praying and soul searching if this is the right placement for you. This girl will require you're all, all the time. Are you up for the challenge? Do you have the gift to work with special needs children? I know I don't.

[UTbrie]

I worked at an adult MR/DD group home for 2 years. Many MORE severe behaviors than this girl. So I am accustomed many things that MR/DD adults do. However, that was a 8 hour job, not a 24 hour one. She is VERY easy, not violent or pushy in anyway ( i got to meet her and observer her behaviorsa). Does everything in slow mode and easily redirected.

[Withay]

Where would she be after school while you are at work?

What if you wanted to go out on a date or with your girlfriends? Who would watch her if your parents were unable to?

Would you be able to take care of her and a child 0 - 5 years of age if you were asked?

What about transporting to visits/dr appts/dental appts/etc.?

Just some food for thought.

[o2b30again]

My 2 cents.... This child is WAY out of the range that you were hoping for. There is a huge difference between a 12 yr old and a 0-5 yr old. I would expect that it will be a factor that would come up concerning other potential placements in the future. These are the decisions that I hate making. Best of luck!

[UTbrie]

I just wanted to thank you all for the advice! I called this morning and deferred placement of this 12 year old girl. I am feeling VERY guilty and sad.....is this normal? I got a chance to meet this girl (who currently is an a group home situation) and I really feel for her. The reasons she is in care right now is just awful! What do you do when you feel really bad about not taking a placement? And does your agency/county hold it against you? (especially after I was considering her for awhile)

[dachshunds4you]

Originally Posted by UTbrie

I just wanted to thank you all for the advice! I called this morning and deferred placement of this 12 year old girl. I am feeling VERY guilty and sad.....is this normal? I got a chance to meet this girl (who currently is an a group home situation) and I really feel for her. The reasons she is in care right now is just awful! What do you do when you feel really bad about not taking a placement? And does your agency/county hold it against you? (especially after I was considering her for awhile)

I think we all feel guilty when we say no to a placement, even if we know it was too much, or just out of our range.

They won't hold it against you, especially since this was out of your range you wanted and they know it.

Sometimes it frustrates me when workers try to force more on new foster parents than what some can handle. Or try to force you to take an age you really didn't want.

It's sounds good you're getting calls. Hang tight and I'm sure you'll get a call for a child closer to your age.

[arbuckle17]

They won't hold it against you at all.

My wife and I currently have a set of kiddos one of which is mildly autistic. I can assure that the time commitments for therapies alone would have been a bit of a challenge as a single parent. We have to tag team a lot just to get him to all the things he needs to attend throughout the week.

[Nevada Jen]

Try not to feel bad. She was way out of your age range. Something to consider with older disabled children is after school care. My DD is severely disabled and after age 7 there was NO group options for her for after school care. Nothing. Not one single choice anywhere within 200 miles. She necessitates a stay at home parent or a very expensive baby sitter. This would be a huge problem if I was single.

I hope your wait is short. It sounds like you have a great set of skills and may have to say no to a number of these types of placements before they actually try to offer you something in your age range. Never underestimate the power of CPS to play the guilt game!

[brl]

No is very hard hard to say, and it always give some grief, but it pales in comparison of the grief that comes when you take a placement playing super fosterparent you know is not right for your home or situation. I have done that myself.

I have had a diff. exp. with a a few caseworkers, they did take it personally and were huffy.

Remember that CW name, she will try again very soon.

I dont envy them, they have a hard job.

[SarahBethsMommy]

I ALWAYS feel guilty for saying no, but my CW always says she asks to get an honest answer... not a "yes" all the time.

My sweet little man has been with us a bit over a year. He is 2.5 years old and severely autistic and MR/DD. I could seem him being very much like you describe this little girl as he gets old. While I'd love to adopt him and take on his care forever, there are days when I wonder how in the world I can keep doing this! I adore him, but it's ALL the time, constant, and no one else can care for him. My mom can watch him about 3 hours and then gets exhausted. Thankfully I have my husband who is great with him too, but it's an exhausting job. If it were just me by myself, I'm not sure I could do. And he is only 2.5 right now.

[UTbrie]

After much discussion with the case workers and more information on her, I have decided to take her for a placement and she arrives on Friday!!! Very nervous, but I know I can do it. We worked out a lot of details that were worrying me. It wasn't the child herself, I know I can handle her, but it was more little things. Like setting her up for school, after care, transportation to visits etc. Worked out really well once I talked to my agency. They were taken aback that I expected to do all that myself. They are going to register her for school, provide transport for her etc. So I feel WAY better about this placement. I am actually excited. I feel like I can really help her since I have experience with MR/DD and I work in the healthcare field. I will have to post after placement occurs! But my agency was really awesome about not pushing her on me. They really were glad I was doing some serious thinking about this case. They would rather me think about it from all angles than possibly displace after a few weeks. Thanks for all the help guys! YOu have no idea how much you help me!!!

[Yash]

Congratulations!!!

[o2b30again]

Good for you to have thought this through and come up with the answer your happy with. Let us all know how things go after Friday. I bet that you are busy preparing yourself. Remember the first week is always exhausting and stressful so try to find some you time.