[greenrobin]

Y'all are awesome. As usual. I believe we will make a new folder insert. It will be fun.

And for the second time today, I hit the send button before I proofread something and came off sounding like a condescending jerk to a very dear friend. And also one person who I neither like nor trust. So, for those of you who kind of know me through here, you know that this entire situation is wearing on my very last nerve!

I absolutely hate confrontation.

So, I apologized to the friend, told the other person that I am sorry she's offended, tried to clear up the misunderstanding, got told off, had to continue to work even though it is the weekend, and I feel like just sitting here and crying for awhile.

And I may do that. For a little while.

Then I'm going to bathe my babies, rock them and put them to bed and thank God that I have good friends on line, a wonderful family, good wine, and a place to lay my head every night.

And take sunshinemomma's stance. Except I"m going to go with PPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTT on the whole mess.

[cecegarrett]

Folder, meet Shredder. Shredder, meet folder.

You are a far kinder person than I am... I would have gone all Southern Bell on a rampage on that woman.

If she can't be part of the Bubba team... I think it may be time to find a more caring teacher. I hate saying that. But if your gut is wanting to change his teacher... I would seriously think about following it.

I am praying about this... have been since your orig. post.

[greenrobin]

Please let me know what He tells you. Apparently I've hacked Him off, too, because He's been very silent with me!

Thank you, cece. I'm refraining from going all Southern Belle. It's nice to know that at least in spirit I'm keeping good company!

[CaddoRose]

You know, I could drive over and have it out with the teacher for you. I don't have filters, really. They are so clogged when it comes to stuff like this!

I just hate that she is being such a pill about something so important to your son and you. As I said before, I appalled at her lack of understanding and I just wonder what kind of teacher she is if this is how she is treating a 5 yr old. Gee whiz. Did someone piss in her Wheaties?!?!

[ranoutofnames]

I'd like to pee pee in her Wheaties

I can understand your emotional weariness. I can remember the drama leading up to each of my daughters adoptions and all the "stuff" that had to be done afterwards. My second daughter was adopted the last day possible of the year.... and of course Social Security can take FOREVER to get a name change done, then waiting for it to transfer over to the IRS... tax season was horrible.

Is it an option to change teachers, would it even help?

My daughters' school is so large there are 5 kindergarten teachers and 4 3rd grade teachers. Even so, one year a teacher might be in 1st grade and next year 2nd grade.

I grew up in a small community (everyone's phone number is on one page) seriously there are less than 100 people in the whole town (closest grocery store was 45 minutes away). One teacher would teach 2 grades... so when you mention you like in a small community I wonder if there is another option or if it would even help?

[greenrobin]

ranoutofnames, I haven't even begun the social security/irs fight yet! Lordy!

While my town is small, we serve a large area for schools. Something like 626 square miles! The thread over on the SN board really struck a nerve for me. Anyway, we have about 4 or 5 kinder teachers. One is the "gem" from last year. Honestly, I don't know which one is worse.

Today Bubba decided it was a good idea to spit on his friends because they were teasing him. I don't condone any kind of crazy behavior in school, so he was in deep doo doo when he came home. Last year he would come home at least twice a week with sad notes for his behavior. Once he came home with a black eye and there was no note. I emailed and was told, "Well, he was rough housing with another boy, but I didn't see him get hurt." Another time his face and neck were all scratched up, but they didn't see that either.

Uh-huh.

So, it's become a darned if you do, darned if you don't.

And no, they don't get the ramifications of his past. They really don't want to. It isn't pertinant to anything they want to believe.

I'm hoping for the resolution this week, but I'm not holding my breath.

[laceyc]

It really sounds like this teacher does not understand his past or his present situation at all. Like you said in your previous post "It isn't pertinant to anything they want to believe." I think somepeople don't want to believe all the bad things that are out there so they close their eyes and ignore it, hoping it will go away if they pretend it does not exist. Hang in there.

[ladyjubilee]

Well, I gotta say, I'd give her a break. Seriously, we're talking a week. Pull something up on a computer? Sure, you may be a teacher, but you don't know that teacher's work load. Some teachers have principals that demand all kinds of extra work....and contrary to belief, not every teacher has ready access to a computer. She made what sounds like a temporary fix. We're talking a week. 7 days...in which time she's also having to update all the important paperwork that follows your child through school--while dealing with issues for other students....and the normal paperwork of a classroom teahcer. Plus sometime in there squeeze in her own life.

[CaddoRose]

Originally Posted by ladyjubilee

Well, I gotta say, I'd give her a break. Seriously, we're talking a week. Pull something up on a computer? Sure, you may be a teacher, but you don't know that teacher's work load. Some teachers have principals that demand all kinds of extra work....and contrary to belief, not every teacher has ready access to a computer. She made what sounds like a temporary fix. We're talking a week. 7 days...in which time she's also having to update all the important paperwork that follows your child through school--while dealing with issues for other students....and the normal paperwork of a classroom teahcer. Plus sometime in there squeeze in her own life.

The issue here is that the teacher has known about the name change, knew it was coming and had weeks to print the new one and have it ready. The teacher for the sibling changed the name at the beginning of school, but Miss "I can't do that" decided to make it an issue for a 5YR OLD! She's the adult and should have had the sense to understand, since she was told, that things as simple as seeing a name can be extremely traumatic for a child that has been in foster care. She is choosing to be mean. Seriously, we are talking about a teacher who doesn't care what it does to a little boy. She has no excuse.

[crick]

Lady - I think had the teacher been on board with the name situation from the very beginning as asked to and approved by the principal to do so, none of this would have been an issue. As it is though, she refused to do it and it's her own doing that has caused extra work on things. Why give her a week longer to rectify a situation she created in the first place due to whatever power struggle she has? No, sorry...can't roll with that at all.

[stevenstwin]

Yes, as a teacher myself I have to say this is not a book-keeping issue. This is about the well-being of a child; the name issue in this case is a "big deal" and as a teacher THAT needs to be the top priority. If this was just a paper work thing where a name needed to be changed due to a non-traumatic event and where a child is not acting out as a result, that would be totally different.

[greenrobin]

You know what? You're right, I don't know her work load. But I do know that she has 22 kids in her room. I have 119. I do know that she has computer access--I've seen the computer on her desk, just like mine. And I understand about the principal with the extra work stuff--I have one and working 10 hours a day isn't getting it all finished.

But.......I teach 12 yr olds, and they can write their own names on their things. Bubba recognizes his but doesn't know how to write his new one. And yes, this is important to him.

I have tried being understanding, but my son has regressed dramatically since school began. And we think that the name thing has quite a bit to do with it. And she has known since the week before school began, so that makes a total of 8 weeks now. She assured me 5 weeks ago that it would all be taken care of on the day I brought the court order.

Maybe I'm a little strange, but when I say I'll do a thing, I do it. Especially for my kids.

Do I want to pick a fight? Heavens no! I hate confrontation--I'm a more collaborative kind of problem solver, so this is really tearing me up. And my son does not need to see me at odds with his teacher. That might give him the idea that it would be okay to be a pain in the hiney.

And, speaking of hiney, Bubba may well have the H1N1 flu (which my sister calls the hiney flu), so he has a couple of days off of school to stop being all feverish. I think I should call them and tell them that he needs to have his desk decontaminated. Maybe I should also say that the doctor suggested that all paper he's contacted should be disposed of......that might get the name tag on his desk changed at least!

Thanks, guys, for your support. You make me smile.

[EandDmom]

Originally Posted by greenrobin

Maybe I should also say that the doctor suggested that all paper he's contacted should be disposed of......that might get the name tag on his desk changed at least!

Excellent idea!! Honestly, I would remake the page for the folder and then just walk into her classroom with a ready made new name sign for his desk. I would say since your so busy and can't be bothered with getting my childs name correct thought I would help you and do it for you. Say do you wish to give me a paper that matches the one you have for me to write it out on or just use the one I have here? Then change it. But I'm a bit of a *itch I've worked retail for many many years so confrontation doesn't bother me in the least..lol

[OakShannon]

Originally Posted by EandDmom

Excellent idea!! Honestly, I would remake the page for the folder and then just walk into her classroom with a ready made new name sign for his desk. I would say since your so busy and can't be bothered with getting my childs name correct thought I would help you and do it for you. Say do you wish to give me a paper that matches the one you have for me to write it out on or just use the one I have here? Then change it. But I'm a bit of a *itch I've worked retail for many many years so confrontation doesn't bother me in the least..lol

That doesn't seem *itchy to me at all. Sounds like a good idea! Maybe with the beautiful name tag and folder page that Bubba decorates while he's recovering from the flu.

As a kindy teacher, this just makes me sad. Why would an adult do this to a child? Deliberately cause harm? Over a name tag?! The meanness of it bothers me. The emotional wellbeing of the kids should trump every other concern. And I agree that no teacher should be too busy to take 5 minutes to make those changes.

Honestly, I wonder what else you are going to deal with this year given her willingness to ignore the harm she is doing while she engages in a power struggle with you over something so easily fixed. I'm really sorry you're having to fight so hard over this.

[AmahMama]

Sadly it comes down to some nasty human behavior... I'm sorry to say that there will probably be issues with his name and the adoption 'status' all of his life. I have 3 adopted grandchildren and they all have had different 'issues' with being born with 1 name and changing it after infanthood (I know that's not a real word - but can't think of one to use LOL). I'm not saying that there is any stigma attached like in the 'olden days' - but just to put something in perspective - I got remarried over 5 years ago - and I changed my name on everything! Provided all the documents, paid extra for stamped marriage docs to send to all people, places, and things. . . and I STILL get things sent with my previous name. And we got a letter from the IRS for last years 'name not matching ssn'! It was fine for the 4 years before that!! Oh, the day of computers!!! ya gotta love 'em.

Seriously tho', I'd do all the changes possible, for the folder, his desk, make some 'announcement cards' to give to his classmates with his new name, some address labels just with his new name on them, and then go change the name tag on his desk, just like everyone says, and then pee in the wheaties on the way out of the classroom. And I'd have a huge talk with Bubba while making the new pages about 'taking the high road' and how not everyone is very nice about a lot of things. And he has definate 1st hand experience.

Good luck and give the new adoptee a big hug from another "forumer"