[sunnymommy]

I am frustrated with people's negative perception of foster homes. I know that sometimes bad things happen to kids in foster homes, but I think that is more the exception than the rule. And I know that those cases are the ones that make the news which gives people that impression. But, for the most part I think foster parents are the most loving, giving, compassionate people who voluntarily choose to give up their privacy, time, home and love to children who need it.
We have been foster parents for just over one year and until recently had gotten positive or curious reactions. I love the people who don't even have a clue what foster means, because I can help make them aware of the need.
Recently someone I know had some family members taken into state custody in another state and she just flipped out because the kids were put in emergency foster care (pending a move to relative placement across state lines) and who knows what the people were like who were taking care of them!
I do understand that having children you care about handed over to strangers is a little scary. But, I don't see the people who think of foster parents as "bad" stepping up to be "good" ones. What did she think they should do with the kids? Have them sit on chairs in an office for a few weeks? Why isn't people's first reaction one of gratitude that there was someone willing to welcome these children into their home for awhile? Do people think the days when removed kids were just dropped off at an orphanage or shelter were better?

[millie58]

So true!! I think it's because the ones in the news are SO bad that people tend to generalize all of us. I had a convo with my doctor about this. All the foster parents I knew were good. We don't make the news. Only the really bad ones do.

[chevyjewel]

First hand experience with this one....my aunt earlier this year had her kids taken into care and I FLIPPED out...even though I'm a foster parent I wanted them out of that home and into mine asap (which wasn't easily accomplished due to ICPC) because when you're dealing with family no one can love family like family does. Thankfully it only took one of my other aunts out there a couple of weeks to get them transferred to her custody over the few months it would have likely taken me to get them moved to my state.

I didn't care to think of the fact that the place they were taken into might be just like mine, heck, even better! It's a gut wrenching panic reaction and fact of the matter is we are strangers to our placements. The people that took them in were strangers to our family. On any ordinary day we wouldn't trust a stranger with the ones we love no matter how many background checks or how much training that other person has had. We wouldn't be greatful our beloved family members were in the care of people we'd never met before. How could anyone that actually gave a hoot about their family say they'd be happy with that arrangement? That they'd sleep well and not be worried sick about the situation???

Try to put yourself in their shoes. If due to false allegations or whatever YOUR children were removed and put into a foster home would your first reaction be greatfulness or sheer terror at the thought of what they're going through and how they're being treated?

Panic and feelings of doom are reasonable and expected. Gratitude most certainly should not be expected to be one of the feelings a family member experiences when they go through something like that.

[arbuckle17]

We have been so lucky on this topic.

The bmom has been really happy with us, and beyond some wierd looks from people (we are racially different than our current placement) we have only recieved a lot of possative support.

[AmahMama]

The mis-perception that I find most often is that people seem to way-to-often equate foster homes with the old 'juvenile detention' type homes. I am an older person - so have older acquaintances. I often have to remind them that the kids didn't do anything to be put in my home. The media anymore is very sensationalistic and runs with every scabby story they can dig up. Not that more than a few need to be told... but come on.... there have been foster homes since biblical times. They used to call them by many different names...and the government didn't pay anyone's board... they had to work for it... but WE know that the vast majority of foster homes are good, kind, loving, and want what is the best for the children in our care. Against the other popular mis-conception - the one where we get PAID to have the kids here in our homes! There is as much mis-information on the people that provide foster care as there is on the gov't proposed health plan... LOL

When people say "I couldn't do that... I would get to attached" I always say 'it's a good thing that someone will do it - or we'd have to hang them in a closet until parents are again safe for them to be with'. That usually gets me some odd looks . . . . but, oh well.... it gets my point across.

[millie58]

I don't get HOW you can do it for the money. I have 4 and I get a nice size check and I still live check to check. I think years ago, it was "easier" to do. Now, there is more of a check and balance system.

[mountaineermom]

I have not recieved any negative feedback since I started. But I can see why we get a bad rep...
I have met other foster parents in my area, and sadly most of them I wouldnt let keep my dogs overnight. I know this sounds harsh, but I was on the fence about becoming a foster parent until we went to the first oreintation to foster care class and saw first hand the people that were becoming foster parents. I hate to judge people, but I decided that we had to do this after the first 5 minutes of hearing what was being said by some of the other people attending the class.
Now Im not saying that all of them are bad. I have met some really awesome parents who do it for all the right reasons.
However I just had to send my fs (3 months old) to a foster home so he could be with all 5 siblings. The new foster mom called me to ask how much money I got for him since he has extreme special needs. And she was complaining that she didnt recieve as much money for the other siblings as she used to.
That being said... I can see why so many people have a negative opinion of foster homes.

[arbuckle17]

When i get the "I would get to attached" I just tell themthat a little attachment and love is what all kids, even foster kids nee.

We get attached and it will hurt when they leave, but you know what, they were loved here and that is so very important.

[c.a]

Originally Posted by sunnymommy

I don't see the people who think of foster parents as "bad" stepping up to be "good" ones. What did she think they should do with the kids? Have them sit on chairs in an office for a few weeks?

I totally agree. If you think all foster parents are bad - you are more than welcome to step up to the plate and help out.

[hcg]

Originally Posted by mountaineermom

I know this sounds harsh, but I was on the fence about becoming a foster parent until we went to the first oreintation to foster care class and saw first hand the people that were becoming foster parents. I hate to judge people, but I decided that we had to do this after the first 5 minutes of hearing what was being said by some of the other people attending the class.

Our support worker said that's why they have the classes: to weed out the people who're doing it for the money or other wrong reasons. Just because they take the class doesn't mean they'll get licensed...

[ladyjubilee]

Originally Posted by chevyjewel

We wouldn't be greatful our beloved family members were in the care of people we'd never met before. How could anyone that actually gave a hoot about their family say they'd be happy with that arrangement? That they'd sleep well and not be worried sick about the situation???

Try to put yourself in their shoes. If due to false allegations or whatever YOUR children were removed and put into a foster home would your first reaction be greatfulness or sheer terror at the thought of what they're going through and how they're being treated?

Yeah, sure those panicked feelings after sitting around doing nothing for how long? See that's the kicker. Suddenly everyones concered about this kids, but in many cases did NOTHING while the kids suffered.

[chevyjewel]

Originally Posted by ladyjubilee

Yeah, sure those panicked feelings after sitting around doing nothing for how long? See that's the kicker. Suddenly everyones concered about this kids, but in many cases did NOTHING while the kids suffered.

Or in the case of my family we weren't allowed to do anything to help prior to removal of them because mom wouldn't let us near her or them. She'd had a previous termination where my family took temp guardianship and then advocated to get them adopted by someone outside of our family circle (for the kids' safety). She knew if we got close and saw her screwing up again with this kiddo we'd more than report her, we'd support social services in getting them removed asap and never support her getting them back....we did everything we could and were allowed to due by law short of stalking her and kidnapping them to get them out of that situation.

I truly hope you didn't mean that in the way it came across.....

[sunnymommy]

Originally Posted by chevyjewel

Try to put yourself in their shoes. If due to false allegations or whatever YOUR children were removed and put into a foster home would your first reaction be greatfulness or sheer terror at the thought of what they're going through and how they're being treated?

Well, I have been thinking about it since you put it that way. About if my kids were removed even for a short time. And I truly of course would be worried sick about how they were handling not being home and having unfamiliar caregivers, etc. I would be absolutely flipping out about how to get the allegation resolved as fast as possible etc. But, it honestly would never have occurred to me that the family they went to wouldn't be kind, compassionate, and caring. I guess I am just naive or inexperienced or something.

And my first reaction to her story about her relative (who is a chronic drug user who leaves her children with various relatives for long periods of time and finally one of them called to report her when she didn't come back for them at the agreed upon time), was Great! Finally someone had the guts enough to call and have her investigated. I saw them being put into foster care as totally to their benefit. But, again it never would have occurred to me to question the quality of the foster home. If that is in fact a viable concern than I wonder how do those homes get licensed anyway?