[swiftde]

I am angry again with the system. I have to be careful what I put on here as far as details. But our main goal in foster care was to adopt. I have had 5 placements now. The first one we were supposed to adopt but he didn't want to be adopted and we finally had him moved. Then we had siblings for 5 months returned home. Then siblings 11 months, returned home but shouldn't have been I believe. After that one we told our home supervisor the next placement had to be adoptive. Seriously look at the photo listings there are plenty of kids waiting for adoption. So she began looking for an adoptive placement. We inquired on 2 boys, our home study was sent, then we never heard from the caseworker again. In the meantime a caseworker contacted our home supervisor to see if we were interested in a group of 3 kids. We agreed, we were given all the info on behaviors etc. It was not a pretty picture, there were some pretty serious behaviors there. These kids have had multiple placements, and one failed adoption already, so we knew we had to be committed to them. About a week later, they said they needed to move the oldest one right away because of his behaviors. Everyone agreed to move him to our house as a foster placement to begin with. Then if things went well, we would get the other 2 kids in a couple of months. We had him 3 weeks, we saw his anger. Unfortanely there was an incident at school, he was very angry, got a pair of scissors and refused to put them down. When the principal tried to take them from him her hand was cut. She had to get 5 stitches. She didn't believe he intentionally hurt her, and I didn't either. He was scared and angry because of yet another move. He didn't adjust to another school move, and he was then in survival mode. Anyway, after that my agency called me and said they had decided he needed to be moved from our home because of his behaviors. I wasn't ready to have him moved, I needed him longer than 3 weeks for him to start to feel safe and be able to calm down. This kid has been moved too many times, and that is a big part of the reason he is so difficult. What he needs is stability, not another move. However, I wasn't given a choice, the caseworker came and picked him up the next day. One day before his birthday. There is more to the story, but I don't think it's right to put it on here, but just know it gets worse after he was picked up. We have now been told, that it's probably not even appropriate for us to remain in contact with him. He will eventually go to an rtc, but we are no longer an option to adopt him or his siblings.

The system that is in place to protect the kids, does absolutely nothing for the kids. They have done even more damage to a severely damaged child. It will be even more difficult to find an adoptive placement. We would have adopted him. The system is stupid........

With that said, can anyone tell me, are there some states that are better to adopt from foster care than others. It seems in Colorado where I am, especially in my county kids are repeatedly sent back home to parents. By the time they have been in and out of the system so many times, no one wants to adopt them because they are so emotionally messed up. I want to adopt a sibling group, and I see lots of people here who have adopted, but I'm beginning to think it's impossible in Colorado, so maybe I should look at out of state adoption.

[shycar]

Im going to be honest. I think most state the main goal in foster care is ru. If not ru then adoption with family members, next is adoption with foster parents, lastly if no other choice is available then they will search for a home. This is not only in Colorado, but in most states. That is what foster care is all about.

I am from Colorado. I have fostered for 9 years and over 50 children, in 4 different counties. Most have ru with parents. Most are in pretty good situation, not perfect, but most families are not perfect. Very rare have I seen kids returned to the system and if they do returned usually the parents get less time to work a case plan. Out of the ones that did not ru, most went with family member. Again most in good situation, few I would worry about. Only a hand full went for adoption. Out of that hand full we adopted 3, from three different counties. So yes adopting from the foster care system is hard.

Are you fostering hoping to some day adopt or are you doing only fost/adopt. If you are fostering with hope to adopt, then most of your placement will be going home. That is what fostering is about. If you are fost/adopt then you have I say a 50/50 chance to adopt the child in your home. You can do plain adoption, the child/children are legally free for adoption, tpr is done. Your chances are almost 100%, there is the possibily that you and dh feel the child/children might be better in another home, which has happened. Of course children legally free usually have more behavior issues, but I have seen young kids with minor issues that are legally free.

I dont think you should give up yet. I had 6 placement before I was placed with my ds, who was high legal risk. Over three years later we finally adopted him and was placed with dd, who was suppose to be a short term placement. Ten months later that short term placement became a perm. member of the family. About 2 years later we were placed with our baby boy and a little more then year after placement we finally adopted him. Its a tough rollercoaster ride, when adopting through foster care, but I think its so worth it. I wish you luck.

[Withay]

I understand your frustration and anger. Sometimes it seems as if nothing is done that is in the best interests of the child. Most times, we as foster, foster/adopt parents don't know the whole story and while it seems as if some things that are happening with our palcements are wrong, they turn out in the long-run to actually be the best thing for the child.

It sounds to me as if, in this particular case, that this young soul has a lot of pent up fear, which is understandable given the brief history. It is also possible that an RTC is the best thing for him. There he can get intensive therapy that can help him work out some of his fears, frustrations and anger issues.

Now, please don't take this wrong, I am only trying to understand and perhaps give you (and others in your position) something to really think about. It appears from reading your post that you aren't interested in actually being 'foster parents', but rather 'adoptive parents'. This is understandable and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Is it possible that you agreed to this particular placement because it appeared that it would lead to adoption, but not really because of the particular kids? I understand the wanting to adopt so badly that it is possible to 'settle' for a child(ren) rather than wait for the 'right' child(ren).

As for one state being better to adopt from, it seems to depend a lot upon the individual case and which 2 states are involved. Some people may say that xxx state is great to adopt from, but if they are from yyy state things don't go as smoothly for them as for the person(s) adopting from xxx state while living in zzz state. In this scenario state zzz is easier for state xxx to work with than is state yyy.

Just some food for thought. I wish you the best.

[peregrinerose]

It's not just your situation, these kinds of stories are pervasive in the system. Our son wants to become an attorney specializing in working with youth in foster care because of what he went through. We read his profile in November 2008 and new right away he was the right kid for us... but for 3 months, the county 'lost' him... he was between case workers. Although the county was well aware that we wanted to adopt, they kept moving him around foster homes because they wanted him in a therapeutic home (although he's on no meds, has no medical problems, only moderate behavioral issues at the time). Our hearts were breaking for this kid, who didn't even know we existed and wanted to adopt him.

Ours is a happy ending though, as we finally met him in Feb, he moved in full time in June, and we're hoping for a Thanksgiving time adoption :-) It was a lot of work to make that all happen, and a LOT of phone calls and persistence on my part, but it was worth it.

[shy_bear]

I am in CO, and while I agree the system needs to be changed we adopted our first long term placement, turned down one baby, and were not selected for one baby. Since you seem to be open to older have you thought of going with a private agency that way you can be open to the whole state vs. just your county?

[Becki_in_IN]

No, it's not really. Here's another way to look at it.

We didn't get into foster care to adopt. It was a natural outgrowth of some of the situations our foster kids went home to and just plain old grief over saying goodbye to someone we loved. We fostered for seven years before we were able to adopt our daughter. I believe she was the one we were to have. If we had adopted some of those other kids, we would not have adopted her, her sister or her brother. Maybe the kiddo that you are meant to have just isn't in care yet or available yet.

Thanks for reminding me again of all this. Dd is 14. Life is not very good right now. Too much RAD, too much teenage angst, and too much puberty. My mantra is: This too shall pass.

[mamalove23]

Gooole "Project 127"!!! Hopefully you will find some great information there!!!

[Ssumner]

WOW - I know that in every state, the goals is ru, but in my state that does not happen too often. Just last night, at final PRIDE classes, the case worker stated exactly "I have been doing this for over 11 years, and only 5 have been reunited with the bio parents". SO... I think it may depend on the state you live in and their laws.

Good luck and please keep us posted!

[crick]

If you are not interested in fostering, I'd recommend doing straight adopt of already legally free or just about to be legally free children. You might also consider going through a private agency and not through the state. We adopted a sibling group of 4 in CO and I credit our agency with a lot of the success in the process.

[swiftde]

I'm in El Paso county, the only county in the state of Colorado that requires you to go with an agency. The county will not license foster parents. Instead we are required to go thru a private agency. This boy was an adoptive placement. The caseworker asked if we were interested in the sibling group of 3. She had other inquiries on this group. We had already inquired on 2 boys, and we were torn between the boys or the group of 3. My husband and I both prayed and asked God to give us the right placement. Since we never heard from the caseworker for the two boys, then we were told yes we could adopt the group of 3, we beleived that was God's answer. It was our private agency who made the decision that he had to be removed and then said we would not be able to adopt any of the kids. Before he was placed with us, his caseworked asked if he needed an RTC if we would take him back and we said yes, so the RTC isn't the problem. It is the fact that our agency said he had to be removed, and we would not be able to adopt any of the kids. In a perfect world we should have been the one to make the decision on if he needed to be moved again.

"WOW - I know that in every state, the goals is ru, but in my state that does not happen too often. Just last night, at final PRIDE classes, the case worker stated exactly "I have been doing this for over 11 years, and only 5 have been reunited with the bio parents". SO... I think it may depend on the state you live in and their laws." ssumner What state do you live in?


Also someone said most return home and few re enter foster care. My first placement had been in foster care multiple times then returned home. He had been in one foster home from age 2 to 5, rights were almost terminated, the for some reason the judge changed his mind and sent the kid back to his bio mom. 3 years later at age 8 I got him because his mom went to jail. Rights were terminated after a year. My second placement was a brother and sister who had just entered foster care for the first time, been in that home for one month and moved to my home because of the boys behavior. They had older siblings and I'm not sure if there were previous foster care placements for the older kids. My next placement 2 sisters, had never been in foster care, but DHS had been involved with the family for a long time, and they had been left with relatives multiple times. The 5 year old I have now, it is her second time in foster care and I am her 3rd home. The goal is still ru and she has been in care since december.
I keep asking the question but no body knows, of all the kids placed in foster care then returned home, how many of those enter foster care a 2nd time. In colorado I have read that approximately 51% in foster care return home, but there is nothing that says of those how many end up back in foster care at some point in the future.

[swiftde]

Originally Posted by mamalove23

Gooole "Project 127"!!! Hopefully you will find some great information there!!!

Thanks I couldn't remember the #. My husband and I were talking about this last night and I told him it is "Project" something with a number but couldn't remember the number