[ABJones]

So, as I have said in previous posts, My Fchildren are going to be R/U in the near future. I have maintained a pretty good relationship with biomom. And I always thought that I could be very supportive. But after the rollercoaster of emotions, from it may be going to adoption, to definite R/U in just a matter of months. I don't know if I can do what they are asking.
They are asking that I be involved even after R/U as a support to bmom and the kids.
I thought I could but lately, I am feeling very differently. I am grieving and I just don't know that I want to be around her. I feel awful for feeling this way. But I think it is going to be to painful to be a part of their lives right now. I feel like I am whining. But I am REALLY struggling with this.
I want the boys to know I will always love them, but I just don't know that I can be involved.
I feel completely selfish.
Their lives are going to go on. I just feel like maybe I need to move on too? How do you know when it is ok to just look out for you?

[EandDmom]

I know many folks do this but honestly, I could not. I would be too attached to watch them come and go all the time at least with my current placement. Maybe if it were with people that I felt were going to do well with RU I would feel different but I know with the ones I have now RU is the worst that could happen to these kids and I could just not watch that.

[ABJones]

I know the bmom has followed her case plan. Done what she has to do. But I know what she did to them! I know what enviroment they are going back into and it makes me so nervous and sad. I fear for the future and I don't think I can set there and watch it happen. We are also so very attached to the kids, that watching little people you love that much, live in that situation, is just almost unbearable to me.
I hope they do well, I hope they suceed with all my heart.
I just don't think I can be involved past transitioning.
Thank you. I thought I was crazy!

[Emmesmom]

I couldn't do it either. I tried. But when I had to take Emme back to that environment, I couldn't stand the look on her face. It was pitiful. It dosen't make the hurt any easier, I just would rather think that things are going ok then to see that they aren't. Good luck. I am sorry for your loss, because it is a loss and you need to grieve like it is. Take care.

[shy_bear]

I think you need to be honest with the cw, GAL, etc. that you are not up to that task. Once the kids are RU'd, in my opinion, it is not your responsiblity anymore unless you want to have a continued relationship. Bmom needs to stand on her own two feet and the county needs to ensure that she has the proper services and support in place. Esp. if you are opening yourself to new placements. Be honest and don't feel guilty.

[parenting-over-40]

Please know you are NOT selfish. You gave them a loving home when their birth family could not. In addition, you also stepped up and mentored birth mom so that she could be a better parent to them. What you have done has been SELFLESS and it was all because of your love for these children.

I agree that moving on would be the best thing. It is the first step for the proper grieving process. An important process for you to go thru before you adopt a child/children.

I am so sorry for your loss. Feel free to vent here for support. We are here for you.

Please know your children are out there. God has already picked them out for you.

[ABJones]

Thank god for all of you! I really mean that. This has been so hard on our hearts. It is very good to know that others support us and understand how we feel. I am so sad to loose the boys. It is a very overwhelming idea. I know god will help us find our forever family. I will talk to cw and gal tomorrow and explain that things have changed on my end. Thank you SO much.

[arbuckle17]

I don't think you are selfish at all.

I am not sure how we will handle our R/U when it happens, things have been so wishy washy we have been told 6 mo and 2 weeks so many times I don't trust the projections.

What we are doing, is building life books for the boys. They are kind of like scrap books of important information for whoever gets them (foods they like, what we learned works/doesn't work), and pictures, comments, letters etc of the things we do together.

Additionally my mother has decided that she will make a blanket for every placement we have that the kids will keep.

Regardless of the relationship that follows the R/U we know that the kiddos will know they are loved, and that is what matters the most.