[YaYaPow]

Hi all. I have just accepted a placement of a 13year old pregnant teen last night. She seem very nice and I like her very much, but I did not provide her with our usual rules for the house( I believe I did not because she is pregnant) ok so today she was on the computer must of the day and I mean a long time( I was told not to allow phone calls).Well this evening I finally realized that she what sending and receiving instant messaging, I asked her to get off the computer and replied that she was talking to her sister and continued on talk. Oh got to go, she is saying she is and must to ER Thanks for any input

[fostapeepz]

When we were told not to allow phone calls with our teen, we also restricted internet access. Most teens can use internet to get messages to and from family just as easily as they can a phone. If you wish to allow her some access (I wouldn't until the two of you know each other better) you could install a program like NetNanny, which lets you choose which internet applications they can use. You can block hotmail, facebook, yahoo, chat programs, etc... While still allowing basic surfing.

[YaYaPow]

Thanks, Fostepeepz
Just got back from ER had to call a sitter for my other kids, because she wants to play games.She has a overage boyfriend and asked if he could come and see her at hospital (that was a no)Doc said she was not having any contractions/active labor- I told her no more computer- also emailed the case worker. NetNanny sounds great

[ca-bigsister]

get a keystroke recorder for the computer.
That records all conversations plus passwords for other sites in case she uses a friend's computer/cell phone etc.

Get the rules in writing for her.
Be ready to be cop because she's totally motivated to see the overage boyfriend.
Good luck.

[sonya47]

YaYaPow,
I have 2 pregnant teenagers. We had to do things differently because of one of them. She spends so much time on the phone she has to be TOLD when to take a shower. Fortunately for us (unfortunately for her) we work in information technology. We setup access control lists in the router that only allows computer usage during certain hours. We also blocked certain sites. Since we use vonage (voice over ip) instead of a traditional landline phone we can see every incoming an outgoing call from anywhere that we have internet access. We can also control certain features of the phone. At bed time I turn on the do not disturb feature for the phone so it sends ALL calls to a message stating we do not want to receive calls at this time. Since my husband and I use cell phone exclusively and not the house phone we know we won't miss any important calls by doing that. The house phone is strictly for the kids (usually7-8 kids) if we start getting unwanted calls it's easy to change the number and move on without having to notify a bunch of people. Teenagers are clever but when there's a need we can and will be more clever.
Good luck!

[Upstate_Love]

I have no insight here, but I'm so curious about this--what will happen when she gives birth? Forgive me if it's a dumb question...but will you become FP to the baby?

[myForeverkids3]

Originally Posted by Upstate_Love

I have no insight here, but I'm so curious about this--what will happen when she gives birth? Forgive me if it's a dumb question...but will you become FP to the baby?

I was wondering the same thing. I have heard that the baby automatically becomes a foster child. Sounds strange to me. Do they handle it differently depending on the case?

[YaYaPow]

At this time I am not sure what will happen, I am assuming if the teen is still in care when ther baby is born that the baby will stay in care as well (baby is due in about two weeks). There is a court hearing on Tuesday, I am also not sure if she will be going to family or not, I really would be shocked if she go to family at this time becase DFCS is trying to locate her parents. She was living with her adult boyfriend when taken into care.

[YaYaPow]

Also wanted to add that I still had to enroll her in school, She had not been in school for at least 1 or 2 years, so sad.

[Upstate_Love]

Are criminal charges being filed against the boyfriend?

[reesegayla]

I was told by my agency that the babies do not automatically go in to care the same way othe forster children would. THey keep the baby with the mom and the foster parent is to help the mom learn how to raise the baby. I believe in my agency the stipend is half of what the normal foster stipend is because the bio mom is supposed to be caring for the child. HTH!

[jbee]

when we had ds and his mom, they were both technically foster children of ours. we were supposed to guide her and she was to be given as much responsibility as she could handle. when she left and signed herself out, he had to stay because he was our foster child, and she had to follow a plan to get him back. he had been born while she was in a home for mothers, and she had been pregnant while in a foster home before that.
but i am sure it is not like this everywhere.

[mommy09]

She seem very nice and I like her very much, but I did not provide her with our usual rules for the house( I believe I did not because she is pregnant)

She needs to be given the same rules as everyone else. You have to remember she is only 13! Just because she is pregnant doesn't automatically make her an adult. Don't let her manipulate you. You need to treat her like a normal 13 year old living in YOUR home! She is going to be in for a big surprise once that baby gets here and if she does in fact get to keep it!
And why doesn't the boyfriend have charges filed against him!!?? That blows my mind. How old is this guy?????
Just be firm but nice with her. She needs parenting especially if she is gonna have a child of her own.
Good Luck

[YaYaPow]

Upstate and Mommy09
I don't know if there will be any charges for the boyfriend yet. My fd said that he is 21 years old but I don't know if that is true, he may be older. She also said that they have been together for one and a half years. DFCS has been adamant about no contact with this man and my fd seems to be adamant about finding ways to see him. She asked me if they will be able to be together after all this is over.

[ca-bigsister]

My guess is FD will continue to try to see him, especially after birth. This will be a constant battle. I would just expect it and not take it personally because she will continue no matter what. I would see about the CW getting a restraining order for him not to contact or see her. Otherwise, you will become exhausted from being the boyfriend police.

I would certainly monitor the computer, put on a keystroke recorder, limit texting and cell phones or make sure you have a way to read them (they will delete the texts to him), etc. If he's found to be in contact with her, then the police need to be involved. It's too much for you to do on your own. Trust me, my FD did not have a situation like this but did stuff with biomom that exhausted me.

Good luck.