[Prettyboicris]

My wife and I have been thinking about this lately as we plan for our future of buying a house. In one sense we can see the benefits of a child having their own room but we can also see the benefits of a child sharing a room.
So, my question is this, if money wasn't and issue would you have kids share a room or have their own room and why?

Thanks in Advance I look forward to the Replies


Cris


X-posted to Adoptive parents forum

[UTbrie]

I shared a room with my older sister till I was in my earlier teens (my oldest sister moved out to go in the Air Force)...I hated it at the time. Now being an adult, I can see the benefit. It forced you to learn to get along, figure out disputes on your own. Also have to clean up after yourself or your sister would steal/destoy your stuff. haha. I think as an older teenager 16-18, tho, I think having their own room is important as you need more privacy at that age. How long will you be in this future house? What are the kids ages now? Things to think about.

[EandDmom]

I prefer them having their own. There is much less messing around at bedtime if there is no accomplice
to feed off of. Also, I think it is great for a child to have their own personal space where they can go to get away from it all or keep their special things that they just don't want to or shouldn't have to share.

[luvmykids4]

I think there are pros and cons to both even without money/space being an issue. I grew up in a row house with at least eight people and two dogs. It was fine, but at times I wished I had my own space. With my kids, I've had them share, and in our last home, they each had their own rooms. Our new house is not quite as big, so there is some sharing. I agree that there are benefits to having the kids share, get along, cowork, etc. It also can be neater, and calmer if the kids have their own rooms. I think if you have the space, it's nice for the kids to have separate rooms. It gives them that one place where they can go to be alone when life 'comes at them'. As long as your 'provide' other ways for your kids to work together, share, not be 'self-focused', I think it is just fine. Either way, they will survive.

[myForeverkids3]

I think sharing a room with my little sis taught me so much about sharing my space, my world, with others. My room mates in college that had their own room at home were horrible room mates. They were like 2 year olds when it came to sharing their things! I wonder what they did when they got married?!

I guess it has a little to do with your kids personalities too. If one is a neat freak and the other loves a messy room, you may give them their own room just to keep the peace.

I have found that most kids would say they want their own room, but then end up sleeping in each others rooms anyway!

We try to give each child somewhere that is their own space. My daughters share a room but each have their own toy boxes, place to keep their clothes etc. The older one is allowed to shut her door if she wants to play with out the baby and the baby is not allowed on her bed.

With foster children, you have to be VERY careful about who shares rooms. Just being the same gender doesn't mean it is safe, but I'm sure you know that.

[snc2007]

Middle sister here...I went from sharing with big sis to sharing with little sis. When big sis left home I finally got my own room at about 16yo. And not a minute too soon! I couldn't wait to have my own space at the time but now looking back I am glad I had the special time with each sister to share. I am now known as the diplomat of the family and each of my sisters would say I am the sister they are closest with.

I would love for my daughter to have a sibling to share with soon. And I would keep them in the same room as long as I felt it was beneficial. And when they're too old to share, bye-bye guest bedroom!

P.S. Can you ever have too much space or too many bedrooms??? When you have kids, I mean.

[shaslove]

Own room. I almost always had my own room growing up, and I liked it better that way. I was a good roommate still-but I hated sharing a room with my sister!

[stevenstwin]

My kid have their own. I think it is important for a bunch of reasons - privacy, not keeping each other awake at night...and so there are no fights about whose turn it is to pick up the mess! It's a personal decision, but I'd never, ever have more kids than rooms. When my youngest was born, she had to share with her sister for two years and it was a nightmare. I used to have to put Morgan to sleep in my bed until I was sure the baby was down for the night and then carry her into her own room - yeesh!

[ladybug72]

I agree that there are pros and cons to both choices. From my own experience, I shared a room with my sister who was six years younger until I moved out on my own. We have been best friends all of our lives and she now lives with me again. Personally, I think it helped to make our relationship closer and we've always been a team because of it. We had our own personal space and arguments but they got resolved. And yes, we stayed up half of the night playing. But we still had to get up the next morning! I wouldn't have traded that for anything.

[jcm]

I think sharing a room is going to work for us. I want my kids to learn that they have to share, how to resolve their own conflicts, etc. For privacy, there are plenty of unoccupied rooms in the house where they can have their own time, that is easily manageable.

[chevyjewel]

Originally Posted by EandDmom

I prefer them having their own. There is much less messing around at bedtime if there is no accomplice
to feed off of. Also, I think it is great for a child to have their own personal space where they can go to get away from it all or keep their special things that they just don't want to or shouldn't have to share.

Agree.

To date I've tried it both ways with my own two and personally I think there are wayyy more benefits to them each having their own space for sleeping in particular. They never mind when we accept a new placement, and actually will squabble over who will get to room with them while they're here, but they're also usually very glad when kiddo moves on and they get their personal space back again.

[Shelly77]

I can't speak as a parent because we don't have kids yet and plan on adopting one soon who will have her own room because she's the only one.

As a child I shared a room with my older sister while my younger sister had her own room. I was a year and a half younger than my older sister and three and half years older than my younger sister. The age difference was why my parents had my younger sister in her own room. I was about 15 when we moved and each had our own room.

I prefer separate rooms. My rationale for this is:
* There's only one person to blame for a messy room - or credit for a clean room.
* It was easier to have at least one of us sleeping. If one was sick or had a tough time sleeping or was just being a kid and trying to stay up, the other could still sleep when we had our own rooms.
* When we did fight and my mom finally couldn't handle our bickering anymore, she could send us to our rooms to each be alone and the argument would stop. When we shared a room, she had to put us in different rooms of the house and one always went to the bedroom. It was a struggle with who to send to the room.
* As we got older and felt the need for privacy we had a place to get that alone time and even if there were other areas for privacy in the house, it helped our attitudes about privacy once we had our own space.
* When we had our own rooms, my sister could get up at 5 am and fix her hair and makeup while I slept in since I wasn't interested in that. When you have teenage girls, that could be a concern if one likes to "doll up" and the other doesn't.

Those are alot of the reasons for a separate room being my preference. However, I do know that there are benefits to sharing - learning how to share, learning how to resolve conflict, etc.

If money wasn't an option, my ideal situation would be to start kids in their own rooms. By the time they were 10 I would then separate them and give them their own rooms. 10 years is enough time for them to learn the valuable lessons from sharing and then once they hit pre-teen years, they can understand and appreciate the privacy aspect. Also, they MAY (depending on their personalities) appreciate the room to themselves more if they don't always have it, but instead get to "earn it" as they get older.

If you already have that large of a house when they are 5 - 6 years old, you can always have one of the bedrooms as a study and then convert it to a bedroom when they get older.

Just my opinion.

[Prettyboicris]

Thanks for all of the wonderful insight and responses.