[yorkiegirl]

I have been reading some of the posts and read that a FP does not HAVE to give their homenumber to the bio family.Also read that FP do not have to supervise visits.We are foster parents in Missouri and have nearly had our license pulled because I didnt want to supervise visits with some threatening parents.Finally we have to ask the kids be remmoved because DFS said so it or else.
We have always been told we HAVE to give our number as well as our cell phone number and accet phone calls from bios.We get calls day and night and even the judge said let them call as much as possible. Is this not correct? If not we've been pushed around badly.

[AmahMama]

I have never been required to give my phone number to bio families. My daughter did have a teen that the bio's were required to provide a prepaid cell phone for phone calls. The calls all had to be on speakerphone and at designated times. And no on the visits also. Altho' we have supervised many visits - it has been after we were comfortable with the bio family and it was OUR decision. Once an incident happened where we were uncomfortable with supervising - the visits went back to DCF supervision and on their schedule. It was way less convenient for the bios - but hey, they were the ones that didn't comply.

I know that requirements are different in every state, county, and even within departments so you may want to contact your local Foster Parent Association and ask what your requirements are. They will be the most help in giving you the information that you need.

Good Luck...

[yorkiegirl]

We have asked everyone and told we dont have a foster parent association near us, grrrr.I feel out in the woods alone.

Thank you for answering.I tried to not give our number out and they said we probably shouldnt be foster parents.

[SarahBethsMommy]

I don't know exactly where you are in Missouri, but I found this by a quick google search...

MFCAA - Midwest Foster Care and Adoption Association

They might be able to help you find someone who knows policies like that or can help you fight that. It seems VERY odd that you have to supervise or give out home phone numbers and such. They know where you live that way. I would feel very unsafe and feel that my children were very unsafe with bios knowing where I lived (unless I had a very good relationship with them). And since you said that you had a bad situation with visits already with one, that would be not a good person to have your home address (which is usually easily obtained if you have a phone number).

I have considered getting a "Magic Jack" phone system and giving that number to bios before. That is only like $20 a year, the phone hooks to your computer... or you can forward the number to your regular phone (they would only have the Magic Jack number).

As for visits... I don't understand how supervising visits could be ok with some DFS's? Wouldn't it just turn into a huge "he said - she said" deal at some point? There should be a third party just to avoid all that mess!

[simplemom]

This seems strange to me. In WA we were told my our (private agency) social worker not to give our phone number, address, last name, or anything. We also would never supervise visits, although I have to say I did end up at several doctor's appointments with just the birthmom, doctor, me and the baby. I think you should definitely double check this. It doesn't sound right or safe to me...at least not unless you have a really good, trusting relationship with the birth family.

[jp4ga]

In my county in GA we are told not to give our phone numbers, addresses or last names to bio parents. Visits are supervised (by some1 other than us) and this topic of conversation is off limits, so the bios can't ask the kids for this info. We have had only 1 case where we were asked to give info, and we did. This was a case of neglect due to extended unemployment. The parents could not provide food, clothing, housing and other items for the children it was foster care or a homeless shelter. They were removed and had visits several times a week, and were reunited as soon as the dad became employed again. When we gave our number we gave guidelines about when calls would be accepted. Not after bedtime, not during dinner. They were very nice and honored our request.

[chevyjewel]

My agency gives bio parents my name, phone number and address unless there is an actual perceived threat to the child or my family for them to have such info. Here in MN I think it's the law that such info be disclosed?

It's never been a problem for me or any of the foster parents I network with.

If a kiddo is old enough and it's appropriate parents are allowed to call but not whenever they wish, there are set times and amount of times a day they can call.

I don't supervise visits but it is required that I transport whenever possible. I like to.

[luvmykids4]

I am in Pa., and with the county Children and Youth agency ( not private ). They absolutely do not give out our address, phone number, not even last name. The parents are not told where the child is living as long as the kids are in the care of C&y. I would pursue this further -- You need to feel comfortable and safe in your own home. If bio's need to get in touch, they can do it through caseworkers.

[Scrapsathome]

Unless FP's are being certified as CW's or Case Aids I can't see how they can be the people supervising visits. Any time the parents wanted to deny what they said or did they could just tell a judge that you were making it up because you wanted to keep the kids. That's just asking for trouble. Besides, it's nice to have an independent source to verify that the kids were safe, healthy, and in good condition when they arrived at the visits.

Recently, when we agreed to drop kids off at their parents' home instead of at DCFS for visits, we had a major incident and had to call the emergency hot line. I do NOT want a repeat of that.

We also never give out personal info unless we've known the parents a long time and feel like they are trustworthy. When the last ones wanted to contact their teen daughter they had to buy her a cell phone.

Jess

[myForeverkids3]

Are you with a state agency or private? Whoever they are, they need to take a serious look at their policies!

My 1st FD's bmom told me (after RU) that she had tried to find out where we lived and even wrote down my license plate to try and hunt us down. She had a friend who knew how to break into houses and they were going to watch our house for the right time and then take "B" in the middle of the night. She said they even planned out what day to do it and where she was going to hide with her daughter (In another state with relatives) THANKFULLY, she couldn't figure out where we lived and "B" ended up being RU'd with dad a year and a half later.

I also think that a bmom (of our sib group of 3) slashed my tires. I have no proof except that the 18 yr old admited to me that her mom had payed her $100 to tell her where we lived!! (Thanks a lot "V"!!!) She told her the address and my tires were slashed the next day. We were already planning to move the next month but I lived in fear every second. This woman was severely mentally ill and had tried to burn her boyfriend's house down in the middle of the night! She also threatened to kill him and slash her kids thoats if they told anyone she hit them! Yeah, that's someone you want coming over for dinner, right!

MANY of these parents are drug addicts and some are criminals. They are not safe or they would have their kids!! DUH

All that said, I have supervised many visits and phone calls but ONLY at my comfort level and by my own choice.

[excited2adoptsoon]

My home and cell number were given out by the original placement workers from the county. I had no idea till I received calls from the bmom! Shortly after I was instructed I had to start supervising visits with the biomom. I told my agency and they assured me I wouldn't have to be the one to supervise...only transport, and my agency ended up doing the supervision. The bmom gave my phone number to all her relatives and the bdad's family. Thank god nothing really bad came from it but at first I was terrified. I think the worst part is that most home numbers are easily traced to addresses. I went online and did a few reverse phone number searches and found my linked address and removed it. I'm also trying to use my maiden name on some things so I can't be tracked by my easily identifiable married name.

[mnmomma]

According to our last CW, our information - last name, address, and phone number - would never be disclosed to bios. I've transported to visitations, but never been required to supervise them.

I think it's a really bad idea for FPs to supervise visits. First, the bio's CW should see how theyre doing. How comfortably do they interact with the kids? Do they appear under the influence when they arrive? etc. Second, it could complicate the interactions between the bio and the child if a FP is watching over them. Desperate people do desperate things and I would be nervous about the kinds of accusations that could stick if their isn't a 3rd party involved.

I hope you find the info and support you need to be able feel safe while continuing to foster!

[ABJones]

I have been asked to monitor or supervise visits. I have not done so yet. CW made it very clear that it wasn't my "job" to do so. She asked because we have a good relationship with bio mom. And if ru happens they would like my husband and I to be a support for her and the children. Even though we have a great relationship with bio mom. She still doesn't not know, phone numbers, last name, city we live in, etc. All people involved in the case make a big effort to no disclose any of our information to her. CW said the only obligations we have to fulfill, are getting children to department visitations, counseling and therapy's (most are in home.) and making sure the kids have their needs met and are safe and taken care of. Anything else is extra that I can deny doing.
I think you need to talk to someone higher up. I can't imagine any of that is correct. Sounds like you are being bullied.
Good luck!