[momma24rn]

I can't believe were at this point and I don't know how to feel about it. TPR is set for October. We have had J for 17 months. He is 2.
TPR was filed in April and dad decided to start visiting and in July started working on his plan. (Mom was sent to prison at this time- he didn't do anything when they were together)
He has now started all his services and comes to all his visits. CW and supervisors still going for TPR but not likely to happen at this point,
So I am glad that this young man is trying to get his life in order. I hope he succeeds. I just feel so sick for J. He didnt see this man for a year and now he may go home to him and no mom.
I feel guilty for putting my children in the position of feeling this hurt again. They love J like their little brother. I I'm not looking forward to all the "I told you so's" from "family and friends" who warned me not to do this again when I nearly lost it when the little girls left.
I just dont even know what to feel. This system stinks. If TPR is denied it will still be a long time before he can actually be RU as dad is still jobless and homeless, so J could be with us for months and months before that happens. I hate that his emotions and feelings are not considered. I feel like I'm lying to him letting him think were mom and dad and he's home and will always be loved and safe and its all a lie. Someday were all going to pull the rug out from under him.
I'm sorry this is rambling and not so coherant. I just can't begin to tell anyone besides my DH and this board how I feel tonight. Like I said I dont want to hear the "we told you not to do it again"

[Withay]

I'm sorry that things are so rough right now. {{{{hugs}}}}

[CaddoRose]

I'm so sorry for you, your family and J. I really hope that the judge sees the bioDad's efforts as a being too late to matter and that the state is only allowing him to work the plan so they can show they gave him the chance. Have they told you TPR isn't likely now?

[momma24rn]

Yesterday was the first time the CW seemed worried. She said that they (DCS) still strongly supports TPR and will fight for it, but that she doesn't know what the judge will say since he is doing everything. She also didn't know if the GAL would change her position now that he is making progress.
After re-reading my post it sounds as if I am upset because we may not be able to adopt J. Of course that's true. But my frustration is that dad can go a year and not see J, then 10 weeks before trial start doing everything and possibly get him back. It seems so unfair to this little guy. If he had been a part of his life for that whole year, at least I would have felt better that J knows this man as daddy and it will all be ok. But I know that J has no idea this man is his dad. We talk about how much we are hurt when these children leave. We are adults and know it may happen. J has no clue that his current life is "temporary".It makes me sick for him.
As a christian I can't wish failure for dad. I can only hope that God will keep J's future safe and healthy and secure. Please pray for that with us.

[shavon]

I am feeling the same way with our little man.. A little different situation though..bio dad has seen his son every week and has only missed very few visits.

However, our little man came to us when he was only 3 mos old he is now almost 18 mos old he only knows us as mom and dad. He does not like going with his bio dad and has some very bad days after the visits. His bio dad also isnt working his case plan actually he has done nothing that is in the plan except visit.

I am like you...IF bio dad gets him back I will and do pray that every thing will be okay. I pray that baby will somehow form a bond with his bio dad. BUT at the same time I also pray that some how little man will be ale to stay with us..very selfish I know but still.....

Good luck. I will keep your family in my prayers.

[momma24rn]

Thank You for the prayers. Its all I know how to do. I will keep your little guy in my prayers as well. I will just have to try to survive until the hearing and see what happens. He is still homeless and jobless and not taking meds for mental health issues (schizophrenia). So hopefully they will look at that as well. I know in my heart when he gets out in the real world (not the shelter) things will change. He hasn't had a job or a home in years, so I dont know how the judge will look at that. His real problems come when he is around birthmom. He didnt start any of his plan until she went to prison this spring. She will get out 7 days prior to the start of the trial, so that will be interesting to see what happens as well.
Anyways thank you for the prayers and support. I thank God for this site because nobody else could ever understand the emotions that come with loving someone elses child and facing the thought of letting them go.

[stevenstwin]

I'm sorry to hear this :-( While I feel some sympathy for the father, I think this is really a case of "too little, too late". I hope the judge sees it the same way.

[EandDmom]

[Mkap]

I will pray that the judge uses wisdom and looks after J's best interest in this situation. If he does leave you I would hope beyond hope that your friends and family do NOT give you any "I told you so". Maybe they did warn you, but you are following your heart. Hang in there, be strong.
Shavon; I do NOT think you are being selfish in wanting to keep your fs. You want him to be safe and loved and you know that with you he is.
I will keep you both in my thoughts.

[momma24rn]

God Bless you all for your support and prayers when I need them the most. Last night I was determined to put up that wall so I wouldn't get hurt, but I know now that J is worth the risk and I will love him hard and strong and with ALL my heart regardless of the uncertainty and pray for the best outcome.
Thank You
Pray for a child centered, compassionate judge!!!!

[jjjjmom]

That sounds like my story with Jake. His b-mom did her plan and visits at the end but when we went to court the judge asked me how long I've had had the baby, at that time it had been 18 months and she told b-mom that it was imposible to freez a baby's life while the parent is "growing up" and that it was too late, now that baby had a home a family and she couldn't just take that away from him.... again.... and granted me adoption. I couldn't believe it!!! My little guy just turned 5 last sunday and he is all mine. The rollercoaster was horrible and had me sick for months! hang in there and believe! My prayers are with you, many of us here know exactlly how you feel and our heart is with you.

[momma24rn]

JJJJMOM,
I cried as I read your post. I'm thankful that your judge put your little one first and ruled on what was best for him. That's all I'm praying for. You have given me hope.

[sarah3015]

You and your little one will be in my thoughts and prayers. I hope that the judge does decide that it is too little too late. It happened with my ffd. Mom had lost 3 kids before her and when we first got her they offered services to mom. Mom did not do anything to get her back so they set a date for the tpr hearing, only 2 months into the placement. Once that happened, the mom got herself going, started therapy, taking parenting classes and doing the drug testing. The trial was only 2 months after that and the judge decided, along with mental health issues, that she would rule for termination of parental rights. She stated that ffd was just a baby and would not allow her to sit in limbo for months and years while mom decided whether or not she wanted to parent. She wanted to give ffd permanancy before her 1st birthday. And she now is in a fantastic adoptive home! IT is possible...

[BethanyB]

I know that with foster care, reunification is the goal if at all possible, but I think cases like this are very sad for not just the aparents but for the child. I don't think it's fair to leave a child in limbo for that long. There should be a more strict timeframe for the parents b/c it is the children who will be the most hurt by bonding to a new family and then being placed back with bio family after so long of not knowing them. It must be scary as a little kid or even a big kid.

I hope that whatever is best for the little boy happens and that you and your family will be okay and find peace.

[irelady10]

I have much empathy for impoverished mentally ill people; that being said, a schizophrenic who is not being compliant with his meds should absolutely NOT be reunified with his child. This is a serious illness.

That is just my 2 cents about this situation.

I'm praying for you, little J, and a judge who will make a decision that is in this child's best interest.

(edited for grammar mistake)