[elk134]

We have a pre-adoptive placement of two 13 yo. We had a prior placement of 3 young sibs (3, 5, & 7) that moved on to pre-adoptive placement. Just found that placement is now definitely disrupting for all three kids. We have been asked to take them back in at least as a foster placement. I want to, I really miss the kids. (I wanted to adopt, DH did not.) We have the room, and we told 13 yo's (PeaceGirl & LizardMan) caseworker about the situation. She is nervous about, but did not say we couldn't do it. She told us about a couple of incidents (that we didn't know about before) involving these kids and other kids. Basically PeaceGirl & LizardMan do not always get along well with other kids. Age doesn't seem to matter- they just like being only kids. (We have a 16 yo bio son and we have had no issues between them......yet.)

I realize that there is sibling rivalry in both bio and foster kids. Do you think that this is something we can work on? I mean, do you think it would be a good thing to teach PeaceGirl & LizardMan how to get along with others, or do we just let them keep being the youngest? Will this give them "permission" to always have their way if they know that just because they don't get along with some one, they can just say they don't want to live with them. And if they throw a big fit about it, they will get their way.

I think some of their issues are they were the older kids in a sib group of seven and had to be the caregiver. We will not have them doing any of that, so that they can be the kids they didn't always get to be. Anyone had experience with these types of kiddos?

[ladyjubilee]

Originally Posted by elk134

She is nervous about, but did not say we couldn't do it. She told us about a couple of incidents (that we didn't know about before) involving these kids and other kids. Basically PeaceGirl & LizardMan do not always get along well with other kids. Age doesn't seem to matter- they just like being only kids. (We have a 16 yo bio son and we have had no issues between them......yet.)

I don't have experience with multiple placements.....But if the kids social worker is "nervous", I wouldn't go through with it. Its in the social worker's interest to mimimize (not necessarily "fib" but take the most child centric view point.) That she would would mention that the kids had a "couple of incidents" would mean, in my translation of social worker speak, "the kids had a couple of incidents that were serious enough for foster parents/teachers/other responsible adult to bring to the case worker's attention and not just resolve, and not just minor issues that were easily corrected and therefore didn't merit advising the social worker."

[dachshunds4you]

Just my opinion...but I don't think you should do it. Not for the multiple placements part of it, but because of how you feel about the previous placements.
I don't think it would be fair to your adoptive placements, to bring back the kids you really miss and wanted to adopt. I don't mean anything negative by what I say, but having read your posts from before, I don't think it would be fair to any of you.
It's time for your family to focus on your adoptive placements and give them your all.

Hoping for all the best for you!

[mom2behappy]

that you can work this out.....you have to just work on giving all 6 of them equal attention hard but not impossible....If it were me I would give it a try.....

[coachmur]

I would say, "go for it" in a heartbeat but only if my husband were 100 percent on board, and if they would be an adoptive placement. And I also would ask the 16 year old for his input. As far as sibling rivalry with the twins, were they under the impression that they would always and forever be the youngest? If so I would probably not do it. Honestly though, there are kids in my past that have moved on to other placements that I would love to adopt so I am not sure I am the one to ask. I also am old fashioned enough that I believe in letting the kids have input on decisions but bottom line the parents make the final decision and sometimes kids might have to like it or lump it.