[dachshunds4you]

When you adopt a child and you are asked to maintain contact with other sibs who have been adopted separately, how much contact is required? I'm sure it depends on circumstances, but was wondering is it a few times a year, or more/less often than that?

[sundara]

On your ability, the circumstances, etc.

In our case, it was left up to us, just told that it would be nice. This was for a half-sibling to our kids.

I would really ask a lot about why they are not being placed together. Doesn't guarantee you'll know the real reason for a long time (sometimes the workers sense something but can't prove there was an issue, but feel that it is best to separate the kids).

We found out years after the fact that the half-sib we visited was abuse (SA) towards two of our kids. They were afraid to tell for fear of losing their parents & due to threats this sib made to kill the parents if they told what he'd done. Kept my kids quiet about what happened for 7 years (4 years in fcare & 3 years with us)

[stevenstwin]

Unless there is some legal agreement, it will probably be up to you. In our case the siblings were separated because the couple that adopted the two little ones had some blood relative connection, but not to the oldest, and they emphatically didn't want him. The judge 'ordered' sibling contact, but no specifics were ever put in writing, and they decided to cut it off after the first two visits because they felt uncomfortable.

[blubutterflies03]

We have court ordered sibling visits, but it is between a child I had for 14 mths that was united with his birthdad and between his 1/2 brother whom we will be adopting. They tell us if we don't do the visits, we can be in contempt of court. The court ordered visits twice a month. Of course the birthdad to the sibling will say the brother is out of town, won't call me for a week, etc. So the twice a month has definitely not happened. We were told that if they don't happen we can call another court session to make it happen, hmmmm.

[Shelly77]

Originally Posted by dachshunds4you

When you adopt a child and you are asked to maintain contact with other sibs who have been adopted separately, how much contact is required? I'm sure it depends on circumstances, but was wondering is it a few times a year, or more/less often than that?

We are preparing to adopt our future daughter, who is 9. She will have visits with her siblings that were adopted separately. At this time she visits them about once a month and we expect that to be somewhat the same once she moves in with us.

It will depend on her needs mostly. If she misses them greatly and the experiences when she visits are positive, we may visit more often. If she has negative reactions during or after the visits, they may decrease slightly.

I think the key to answering the question though is knowing how often they visit now. Other than that, it really is an unknown because so much depends on the child and their reactions/needs.

[chelspark1]

We adopted number 4 and 5 out of six siblings. they are not allowed to see the older two siblings but have an older and a younger brother that they can see. They live four hours away.
At first, we tried to maintain physical contact every 2 to three months. We always encourage our kids to call their siblings anytime they wanted. During the visits, the siblings didn't interact that much. We were spending alot of time and money to get them together and neither one of the other families tried to do anything to get the kids together.
My kids have never, on their own, called their siblings. They only call when I suggest it and actually put the phone in their hand after dialing the number.
We haven't been to visit the siblings in one year. My kids are 15 and 16 - old enough to maintain contact on their own. Each of them have cell phones and I gave them their sibling's numbers and their siblings have their numbers. They never stay in contact.
I've decided to back off from this. All the kids are old enough and for some reason decide not to maintain contact with each other. I don't know if it's too painful for them or what but we have so many other issues that we have to deal with that I decided this wasn't going to be one of them.

[sunshinemomma]

We have ongoing visits with DD11's brother that we disrupted with. We do not have specific times that we have to see each other. The foster to adopt Dad and I work it out around our schedules and sometimes it has been a couple of months and now we just had a visit last week and we will have another one this week.

We have just opened contact with a whole group of birthfamily and are now having our DD's half sister out again this week for three days. 2nd time this summer.

That is why we will see brother again this week as he has not seen the little 1/2 sister in five yrs and now through us he will get to visit with her.

If you are asking from a pre-adoptive position I would be careful about what you agree to in writing. I would try and meet the other family/ies and see what feels right for them as well. It is always better to WANT to have visits for a positive relationship rather than Have to because of agreeing in writing.

It will also always depend on the existing relationship between the sibs/distance away etc. The relationship with her brother {12 yrs old} was very toxic for a long time so we really limited what we did. Only phone calls on speaker with me right there. Only visits at a playground or park - no other outings. We are now getting to the point where we feel it might be possible to start doing more active visits and he will be able to handle it. The visits need to be positive for both kids and limited so that they can actually "connect" during it.

We also have ongoing contact {about once a year at this point because of distance} with the old foster family. My daughter also sees the foster sibs as her sibs as she lived with them on and off for a few years when she was younger. These are all healthy relationships so we encourage them as it has helped our dd to maintain contact.

Good luck and keep asking those questions!