[hockeywoman]

I can't deal with the boys behavior anymore. he will walk up to the other kids and punch them in the stomach or eye as hard as he can. no provocation. He will not respond to redirection, time in or time out, priviledge removal, separation from other kids. he will also lash out and kick/hit/scratch me when I try time-in. so far my kids haven't lashed back but I'm afraid it's a matter of time.

so they will maybe be moving the siblings monday to a relative, but they'll let me know. no thoughts on what I can do to make it through the weekend. and they're reuniting with a sibling known to perpetrate on them (by their accounts)... NICE...

when I called to request removal, I was told that complaints have been made against me - basically the questions I asked the transporter regarding dr options so dh wouldn't need to take time off work were twisted into me refusing to take them to the dr (nevermind we've been to the doctor for 6 visits in the less than 2 weeks they've been here), or that we just bought a new van (lots of $$$) so I can transport all our kids in the same vehicle and he won't need to take time off work. Our worker is coming out to visit tomorrow.

I just feel like it's really not worth it - if I do get my job I will probably stop taking new placements for a while. Anyone need a relatively-new chevy express??

[txwannabemom]

sounds very frustrating! I'm so sorry!

[stevenstwin]

and once again, the system fails....:-( I'm so sorry - sorry they couldn't give you better support for the child, sorry they are making you wait all weekend and then possibly placing him somewhere inappropriate, and sorry they're twisting your words to make YOU look like the bad guy, here :-( My son's counsellor once warned me to watch out of SW's because they'll stab you in the back and throw you on the flames rather than taking any heat themselves - and she used to BE one. Some people tell me that's awfully cynical, but I've found it to be true.

[greenrobin]

Here, when the kids are hitting, we call it assault.

We had a child involuntarily removed by the police for assault on my dh. He'd already given me a little black eye. Our agency told us to call 911 if he did it again.

He did. We did. It took 6 adult males to remove an 8 yr old boy. After 2 shots of geodon he was still attempting to attack me. He was transferred to a psych facility and immediately legally transferred out of our care.

You might try asking your agency about this. Or not. An out of control child is nearly as dangerous as an adult. We are allowed to do physical containment, but we'd exhausted that. The police were our only hope.

I'm sorry they're exhibiting such butt-like behavior about it all. They can complain all they want. My guess is that they're trying to scare you into changing your mind. Try contacting your local foster parent association to see if they can help you.

[hockeywoman]

yeah - I got punched in the nose this afternoon, and 3more of my kiddos got punched or kicked this morning We're not allowed to do physical restraint. he also got away from me while doing time-in and gave himself a nice little bump on the head (hit it on something - he said the couch but i don't understand that), so i reported that to cw. we'll see if they actually come out today like they told us they were going to...

[greenrobin]

911.

Just sayin'

[blueflower]

Originally Posted by greenrobin

911.

Just sayin'

Three words, but what an strong statement they make. Love it.

Hockeywoman, how did it go? Did they show up like they said?

[hockeywoman]

Nope - our social worker showed up though and we had a long talk about our concerns - her thoughts were that the kids would be back in the system in a couple of weeks with the relative not being able to handle them.

However, DFS had a pretty good weekend - minimal hitting and he actually complied relatively easily with most of the time-ins and time-outs. I think it helped that DH was home - he seems to have more respect for DH. I'm a little (make that a lot) worried that he'll be completely out of control again tomorrow with DH gone at work.

I guess I have a fear of the police and calling 911 on a 4 year old - maybe I need to get over that fear. I think it would make me look weak/stupid - I don't know.... I guess I'm also scared of getting the "too many kids" comment and them deciding to move other kids in my care (happens way too much here).

Sounds like the relative was still not prepared with enough beds - so maybe even Monday won't happen.

[greenrobin]

I knew a woman whose 5 yr old was so out of control that the police were called by a neighbor. He was taken to a psychiatric unit for a 2 week stay.

If you are afraid of the police, have you considered packing the kids into the car, strapping in your favorite 4 yr old and heading for the hospital? Or the DFS office? There are times when they just don't believe you are telling them what it's really like.

Yeah, crazy.

Our guy was 8, but I know how you feel. When it all goes crazy, it is REALLY crazy. And some kids just cannot or do not do well in a family situation with other children. And that is the point you are going to make with the sw--the other kids are not safe. You have put as many safety measures into place as you know how to do, and the other kids are still getting hurt.

When safety is an issue, they're usually better about handling things.

[stevenstwin]

on the idea of calling the police - I'd call ahead of time and ask what they might do. Some people have had really good luck with that. But there have been a couple of here (and on the Special Needs adoption board) who actually got reamed out BY the police IN FRONT of the child...which would NOT be helpful. Depending on the age and size of the child, I don't know that hitting and kicking IS (legally) assault. Here if the child is under 12 they police CAN'T do anything, except maybe give the kid a "stern talking to", and advise the parent to take the child to the hospital if he needs mental health intervention.

[marigold]

Another thought, do you have a child emergency hotline? Not through your agency but one anyone could use. Here it is caled the C.A.R.E.S line. It has been called twice with my oldest fs and they have to send a therapist out to your home within 90minutes to evaluate your child. The first time they were called my FS was 4 and he was taken that day into a psyciatric hospital for violence. It has also been called on my middle fs at the age of three. THey are more understanding than the police. I took my fs into the police station to have them tell him why he had to be in a carseat and they gave me a "crazy woman" look and gave him a sucker!!

[hockeywoman]

Originally Posted by marigold

Another thought, do you have a child emergency hotline? Not through your agency but one anyone could use.

Yes, but we've called it and their response was telling us to call his cw - the hotline is run by the county but it's for everyone fp or not. It's like no one cares, but then again workers are being laid off left and right, everyone is overworked, and we're just being dramatic. Our cw asked if we felt comfortable keeping him for the weekend, we said no, but nothing was done.

Both have been really emotional today missing mom and dad, but dfs was adamant he didn't want to see or visit his brothers "cuz they hurt me". He pushed my littlest dfs off the chair this morning just before his cw picked him up for the visit. I reported the incident to cw - maybe this will help get the ball rolling - or maybe it will just trigger another abuse allegation

Thanks everyone for your support / suggestions. stevenstwin / marigold, that's exactly what I'm worried about - I never thought about calling to ask what they'd do. Unfortunately, we're still waiting for the new seats to arrive for our van - so while they are here I cannot transport everyone with the van I have - plus by the time i'd get him in the van he'd be calmed down - we're down to about 4 incidents per day and he's actually calming down fairly quickly now compared to last week. He is a sweet kid most of the time and it just breaks my heart that I cannot help him manage the rages.

[hockeywoman]

Well, they're gone Unfortunately we had a major incident this AM, which lead to me on the phone with my CW and her requesting that he should go immediately for a psych eval. When I told the kids worker that, she just brushed me off. I can only pray these guys get the help they so desparately need, but with my record of responses from this cw, I really doubt it I seriously need a mental health week for myself however!