[faithlovehope09]

DH and i have our FS-10mo and our FD 6 mo. we've had fd since birth and paternity was recently established. we are foster/adopt and were told there was a high chance of adoption with our FD as the bio mom had already lost 1 child and she wasn't sure who dad was for this one. FD had many drugs in her system and we've had a long road but she's doing wonderful. It ended up that dad was determined and he's also a drug user and has criminal background. there is no one on moms side however dads side paternal grnparents want FD. they are going through a homestudy and were granted 1 hour per month until homestudy is complete. This tears me up! They have a house in foreclosure, tons of police reports, not nice people and in 45 minutes they will be holding FD. I cant stand even thinking about it. i keep seeing baby girls face her being scared as these are people she doesn't even know and i wont be there to hold her. then if dad tests negative he gets to visit from 3:30 to 4:30. mom has never visited in 6 months. things are looking like they are turning the opposite way now from what we hoped for and it's hard dealing with it. there's also other family members that CSB is saying would pass a homestudy with no problem and dad has a large family. We just want a child so badly and these kids have been a huge part of our lives. it's hard to imagine losing her and what it's going to be like. I feel so much pain right now and they aren't even gone yet. How the heck are you suppossed to deal with this? i'm all over the place! please if u have any advice or have been through this let me know. i would appreciate it.
ugh such sadness.
thanks~

[sgtfirstwife]

I have been through this a couple of times, it is never easy. I just lost my two foster children one month ago. One we for over 18 months. We cried a bucket of tears and I still have moments when it seems unbearable, but bear it I do.

The thing you have to hold on to is hope. I am a firm believer in what will be, will be. The children are still with you so you do still have that hope. I will be honest once the relatives start appearing, it can be a slippery slope. Our first son we were told would be leaving us due to relatives appearing, but low and behold he is still with us, forever now.

Hold on to hope. Give the children the love and security you always have.

[kimb1005]

I agree with the previous poster. When relatives start appearing, it's hard to say which way it will go.
My FS was supposed to go to grandparents by May or early June. They needed to complete their training and homestudy and then he was going. They had the room ready and had even started visits so we thought he would be leaving. His advocate did not support the move due to prior history with his sibs and family issues. One class short of completion, the grandparents did something which caused the DHS worker to review entire family file(ok--she should have done that prior to them starting) and the move was cancelled, kinship care is no longer an option and a court order was put in place for no visits with them. Not only that but at the 3 month hearing , we were asked if we would be a preadoptive placement. As one of my foster friends says--it's like a roller coaster in the dark--never know which way it's going to fall or when. Hang in there--been there, know how you feel and with the possibility of appeals, I might be back there again.

[beckyt]

Originally Posted by faithlovehope09

DH and i have our FS-10mo and our FD 6 mo. we've had fd since birth and paternity was recently established. we are foster/adopt and were told there was a high chance of adoption with our FD as the bio mom had already lost 1 child and she wasn't sure who dad was for this one. FD had many drugs in her system and we've had a long road but she's doing wonderful. It ended up that dad was determined and he's also a drug user and has criminal background. there is no one on moms side however dads side paternal grnparents want FD. they are going through a homestudy and were granted 1 hour per month until homestudy is complete. This tears me up! They have a house in foreclosure, tons of police reports, not nice people and in 45 minutes they will be holding FD. I cant stand even thinking about it. i keep seeing baby girls face her being scared as these are people she doesn't even know and i wont be there to hold her. then if dad tests negative he gets to visit from 3:30 to 4:30. mom has never visited in 6 months. things are looking like they are turning the opposite way now from what we hoped for and it's hard dealing with it. there's also other family members that CSB is saying would pass a homestudy with no problem and dad has a large family. We just want a child so badly and these kids have been a huge part of our lives. it's hard to imagine losing her and what it's going to be like. I feel so much pain right now and they aren't even gone yet. How the heck are you suppossed to deal with this? i'm all over the place! please if u have any advice or have been through this let me know. i would appreciate it.
ugh such sadness.
thanks~

I know its been a number of months since you first wrote about how scared you were about losing your FS and FD. I was wondering how you are doing now? Did they go to the relatives?

I just want to say how much I can identify with every single one of your feelings. My husband and I just a couple hours ago had to give our FS to his paternal grandmother who has spent at most a total of 20 mins with him. I too am imagioning him looking for me and I am not there.

This is the most heartbreaking thing I have ever been through. My husband and I want a child so bad and off he goes to someone who has not been there for him like we have. For Gods sake he is only a few months old and this time is so crucial that they have a solid connection and here we go disrupting him.

I have never felt this bad in my whole life and life has not been a bed of roses either. I hurt physically at the loss of our FS.

Yes in time I will feel better but I will never be the same person again. I love that little boy more than I realized possible. Any tips on how to deal with an empty house.

Anyway I sure would love to hear the outcome of your story.

Take Care