[Yes2Kids]

Trying to get some advise on this, I am not sure what all his problems are, this is a new placement 4 yr old boy and his 5 month old sister. He gets 2 visits a week 2 hours at a time.

Today I met that transporter (visit 1 1/2 hr away) halfway, and I had to literally pry him out of my car and make him go into other car, this is not the first time we have met half way...so he knows the routine. He screamed, hit, fought, he did not want to go to visit.

What do you do?? Any ideas, anyone else go through this??? He did this also last week when cw and casa worker came and picked them up to take them to visit.

He does have a lot of behavior issues, and mom is a major problem ( i was not aware of) blaming former fp for things...he was moved from last fh to here, haven't got full story on that yet, either behavior or accusations made my mom...

Sorry so long, I just have not had this happen before, I was very upset haveing to make him go that way, he had baby upset and everything. Also acts out real bad at home on visit days, and will always have a nightmare that night..will not talk about visit at all...

[Newshyde]

That sucks! Sadly, you have to make him go, but continue to document his behavior before and after the visit. Also give him lots and lots of love and affection, as much as he can handle. It doesn't sound like he's been with you right now, so that while he trusts you enough to tantrum to you, he may not trust you enough to break down emotionally in front of you.
My FS, who just turned 5, went through a phase where he didn't want to go on the visits. They were on Mondays, and after church, which obviously was on Sunday, he would start to get really moody, talk about how he didn't want to see his dad and such and then get quieter and quieter. He never fought the visit, but he wouldn't go out to the car without me. He never talked about the visit, still doesn't for the most part, and we're going on 11 months, and was just terrible. He was also really clingy, like wanting to be held and carried and such, but also would get mad at me for stupid things and would rage like crazy, breaking toys and such, always the toys his dad gave him, never the other toys.
Nobody told me what was going on but I would email the CW to tell her what he was saying and doing. Then we went to court and I learned that his dad would spend the whole visit screaming at the visit supervisor about what he could and couldn't do, talking really bad about me and telling FS that I wasn't taking good care of him and what a horrible person I was. The judge got really upset with him and told him that if he couldn't behave during visits they would be restricted. She also told him that by demeaning me during the visits he was taking away my FS's confidence in me and causing problems at home that wouldn't be happening if he would use the visit time to bond with his son, instead of using it as a time to let everyone know how mad he was.
He calmed down after that, and so did my FS. He still struggles with visits with his dad, but its not as bad.
Its so hard when you know that the visits are supposed to help the bond, but sometimes actually end up making it worse by reinforcing the bad things the child has experienced.
Good luck. Sounds rough!

[jeni-b]

We have the same problem, only FD is redirectable, so puts up a major fuss, nightmares, cries all day, super clingy, but when it comes time to go, she will go if we say to.
Things have improved over time, she can control herself at visits now, but it is a struggle before and after.
He is a new placement, so it might take awhile, but FD was able to tell me some things she didn't like about her visits and I addressed them with the CW and it helped a bit. Defiantel ytalk to the CW and the CASA, who has witnessed this firsthand.
Unfortunately because of the anger toward their parents that they don't know how to handle, he'll likely not appreciate the bi-weekly reminder of his previous life.

[blubutterflies03]

The only advice I can offer you is that if you can transport the child to and from the visit, do it. I did it for almost all my kids and it makes it so much better for them. I know is some cases it is hard for people to do, but if you can, you will see an incredible behavior change in the child. Also, kids always always have some type of issues , before, or after visits. That is to be expected. Document and write down what happens that way when they ask you in court, you have it all written down. take care~

[Yes2Kids]

Thanks for advice, I know it would help if I transported all the way, but it is so hard, 3 hrs round trip plus 2 hr visit, and I have 3 other children too.
The really sad thing about this case, is that they went to court and ask for visits to be moved closer for children, and not only did judge say no...he ordered the children be moved back to original county they came from...have never heard that before..so as all this goes I know they will be moving soon and it will start all over for this little boy..and birthmom is still testing positive for drugs..makes no since to me.