[craftingmama]

For the poster in another thread who wrote 'it's sad that foster kids aren't told who they are visiting'. Sometimes the children are very young and the bios have not seen them in months and really, the children have no memory of who these people are. You can say 'it's mommy and daddy' until the cows come home, but the child does not know them or remember them as such. Ive seen it with different kids and with friend's foster children. If you, as a bio, fail to visit or see your child for months, then you are facing the consequence of this happening. It has nothing to do with the foster parents not doing what they are supposed to do.

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by craftingmama

For the poster in another thread who wrote 'it's sad that foster kids aren't told who they are visiting'. Sometimes the children are very young and the bios have not seen them in months and really, the children have no memory of who these people are. You can say 'it's mommy and daddy' until the cows come home, but the child does not know them or remember them as such. Ive seen it with different kids and with friend's foster children. If you, as a bio, fail to visit or see your child for months, then you are facing the consequence of this happening. It has nothing to do with the foster parents not doing what they are supposed to do.

My foster son is two. Almost 2.5. He has gone as long as a month without seeing his mom but he still knows her. He's lived with me for 2 years and he still cries for his mother after a visit. Their bond is really strong. He loves me (and I love him). He calls me "Mommy". He comes to me when he cries. But he still knows his other mom.

I had a newborn foster daughter who's mom visited once a month and dad visited every week. Mom would get upset because baby would cry when she held her. Baby would look around for me or her bio-dad. Like you said, Mom had no one to blame but herself. Even though the baby saw her dad only once a week, she did remember him each week. She was only an infant but she would get that big goofy toothless, drooly "I know you!" grin when she saw him.

[marathonmom]

At 1.5 my fd always recognized her mom even when she hadn't seen her for a long time. I have a bunch of pictures of her mom and we "give mama a kiss" everynight. Now at 2 we have talked so much about her mom that she even gets excited when the sw comes to pick her up for the visit. Taking pictures and looking/talking about them could help little ones recognize their parents.

[craftingmama]

Originally Posted by marathonmom

At 1.5 my fd always recognized her mom even when she hadn't seen her for a long time. I have a bunch of pictures of her mom and we "give mama a kiss" everynight. Now at 2 we have talked so much about her mom that she even gets excited when the sw comes to pick her up for the visit. Taking pictures and looking/talking about them could help little ones recognize their parents.

It *could. Then again, it *might not. I don't consider a month a long time. I'm talking about children who haven't seen their bio parents in a year or almost a year. When you're two or three, that's a lifetime. Sometimes their memories of their bios aren't happy ones either. If the neglect or abuse was severe, what few memories they may have aren't good ones. Nothing we do as foster parents can change that.

[crick]

When we close a thread, it's CLOSED.

Starting a new thread simply to continue the debate in order to have the last word is exactly one of the reasons why it's not allowed.