[dachshunds4you]

Wondering how all of you deal with criticism from CW's or parents?

It's so hard when I get a 'complaint' about my fk's from parents or workers. I truly do my best to make sure they are well taken care of, ie diaper rash, scratches, bug bites, etc. Today I got a complaint, not from the parents, but the GAL who supervised the baby's visit today. Not to go into any detail, but it was because he had scratches on his arm, self inflicted with his little tiny nails, that were just trimmed over the weekend.

I know I shouldn't react, but I get so defensive and hurt by it. I treat these kids better than my own, because of the accountability we have. Now it'll bug me for days.

How do you deal with it? Go buy a Starbucks? LOL!

[gdaisy]

I am learning to just to remind myself that they are children and that they will have owies.. However I agree that it drives me absolutely nuts when I do hear of anything.

For example...I heard this week also that my FD had a bruise on her upper leg area. Mom took a picture and told her attorney that we are hurting the child. And that she wanted the child taken to the doctor to have it checked out. Her daughter has impetigo and it takes months for the little marks that remain to go away. So anyway... the social worker told the mom that the marks were the impetigo.. Mom doesn't have the mental copacity to remember the marks from week to week... Oh well..

We have a TPR date for October so we are bidding our time until this....

[StephanieMB]

I get those criticisms, too. I think it's partly because the birthmom wants to feel like she's still doing her part to "protect" the kids and that the fp's aren't perfect parents either. :-)

I try to stave off the criticisms by telling the mom as soon as I hand them off to her. "S has a new bug bite here... L bumped her forehead while she was playing outside this morning... He has a diaper rash, but I am treating it with __ which I brought along if you need to change him during the visit."

That helps, because she knows that I know about all the boo-boos and am taking good care of them.

The birthmom used to complain about nails needing trimmed. Kids' nails grow fast, so I don't worry about it. If she happens to think they need trimmed in the visit, then she can trim them! That's not asking too much of her, IMHO.

[GoddessDanu]

I've been criticized before and it sucks. For petty things too, like not putting things in the diaper bag the biomom could have easily supplied. Frank just got a few ouchies last night and went to his visit today with marks so I'm dreading picking him up and hearing what the biomom says about that. Thankfully his worker didn't think it was too big a deal.

Just remember, water off a duck's back.

[momsphotoop]

Last week I was told I didn't pack enough diapers, I packed 3 diapers for a 2 hours visit!!! and she already pooped at home for me and had on a clean diaper before the visit. Maybe mom should bring a little pack of wipes and a diaper or two on the visit instead of bringing tons of food, like prunes, prune yogurt, grapes, raisins, prune juice, sour yogurt, spoiled cheese etc.!! get the point! lol hehe
Mom got upset since our FD now has little bruises and scrapes on her legs. I decided to bring it up myself before mom went to the caseworker. Once we addressed this with the social worker and the nurse, it was agreed she has "toddler legs" as the nurse put it and the caseworker reminded mom that her daughter was kept in a room in a shelter and always inside. Now she has a big back yard she runs in and a huge driveway to ride all the ride on toys, a swing set and a trampoline. Mom did finally understand that those scrapes and little bruises were from playing so much!!

[MissS]

a few weeks ago, bmom made an allegation that fson(5months) had a diaper rash, that oh, by the way, he DIDN'T have, and without checking, and in front of bmom, the caseworker confronted me, and asked me to please put some vaseline on his bottom.
At the moment, I was dealing with a massive temper tantrum by my DD, and was not fully focused on the issue, or I would have asked her to check his bottom right there. It's not like it can't happen, or that it doesn't. My issue was her siding with bmom, and making me look like an inadequate parent in front of her!!!
I threw a hissy fit in several emails, and got it out of my system

[CaddoRose]

Originally Posted by momsphotoop

Last week I was told I didn't pack enough diapers, I packed 3 diapers for a 2 hours visit!!! and she already pooped at home for me and had on a clean diaper before the visit. Maybe mom should bring a little pack of wipes and a diaper or two on the visit instead of bringing tons of food, like prunes, prune yogurt, grapes, raisins, prune juice, sour yogurt, spoiled cheese etc.!! get the point! lol hehe
Mom got upset since our FD now has little bruises and scrapes on her legs. I decided to bring it up myself before mom went to the caseworker. Once we addressed this with the social worker and the nurse, it was agreed she has "toddler legs" as the nurse put it and the caseworker reminded mom that her daughter was kept in a room in a shelter and always inside. Now she has a big back yard she runs in and a huge driveway to ride all the ride on toys, a swing set and a trampoline. Mom did finally understand that those scrapes and little bruises were from playing so much!!

Using the great info I got here on the forums, I informed my CW with my first placement that the parents should be providing everything their children needed during the visit,as it would allow them to show they were capable parents.This stopped any possible complaining about supplies before it got started. I always had everything packed and with me in the van anyway, so if the kids needed something after the visit, I could provide it, but I never brought another diaper bag into a visit again.

I also informed the CW asap on any scratches or marks the kids might have gotten and took pics.

[momsphotoop]

We are told we have to supply a packed diaper bag with clothes and food. The mom did bring diapers once, and put one on her, it was a size 2, J is a size 4 almost 5. The poor kid cried the whole way home, I had no clue why until I saw how tight the diaper was and it was cutting in on her. I took photos and called SW immediatly on that one.

[kbabel77]

we must be lucky because i haven't heard anything yet. our FS gets boo boos all the time. he has had several lumps on his head from falling, scratches that he gave himself and others from my other kids, and a bee sting. I"m sure there is even more. I do always worry about what the bios will say and i have yet to hear anything from the case worker. i guess i should be telling them about his injuries. he is a VERY active toddler and gets into anything. this kid gets hurt right under my nose. i always feel so bad because he isn't "mine." Just hang in there because you know the truth and you know that you give your foster child all that they need. to whom much has been given much is expected.

[Withay]

While I've never had a mom complain I have had a dad complain - every week for each of the 5 weeks he visited. The most memorable complaint was that "there was entirely too much stuff between his toes". Hello, it was winter and the baby had navy blue socks on. I had bathed him a mere 1/2 hour before leaving for the visit and I always pay special attention to lint between toes and fingers on the little ones.

I have found that parents have a compelling need to complain, as that is just about the only thing they can control regarding their children in care.

[BZmom7]

I haven't heard any complaints....yet...but....biomom is forever changing his clothes. Saying that he's poopied (when he hadn't) or that he spilled juice on his clothes. I'm sure what she really doing is "checking" him out to see if theres anything she CAN complain about. So far, she has never seen a thing. Well...today was the FIRST time our fs actually came home from the visit in the same clothes he went in. I guess mom has finally given up on "catching" us not doing our job....Oh well.

[potentialsinglemom]

I came on tonight to post something like this.

My baby's mom got upset because I took Muscles on vacation out of state with me. She "cussed" the cw and supervisor. Three days later during her parent visit, she told the supervisor Muscles had scabies (which is a diaper rash). She got in drug court on Friday and accused me of GIVING him asthma. When did asthma become communicable?

What hurts me is that she complains worse after I send her pictures and notes. I have truly learned my lesson.

[potentialsinglemom]

Originally Posted by BZmom7

I haven't heard any complaints....yet...but....biomom is forever changing his clothes. Saying that he's poopied (when he hadn't) or that he spilled juice on his clothes. I'm sure what she really doing is "checking" him out to see if theres anything she CAN complain about. So far, she has never seen a thing. Well...today was the FIRST time our fs actually came home from the visit in the same clothes he went in. I guess mom has finally given up on "catching" us not doing our job....Oh well.

I was told by the cw not to put clothes in his bag because it reduces her stripping him to look for things wrong with him.

[Newshyde]

For the first few months with my current kiddos I was getting a list of complaints after every visit. One time the complaint was that the clothes smelled moldy like they had spent too much time in the washer. The funny thing was, at that time my mom was visiting and had taken over laundry duty, so was crazy vigilant. When I told her the complaint she was so insulted because she had been doing such a good job of keeping up.
Since then, there have been many a time, ahem last week, that I've had to rewash the same load over and over again because I kept forgetting about it, but I haven't gotten that complaint again.
In the beginning they are just trying to show the case worker what awesome and vigilant parents they are and the best way to do that is to put down the foster parents. Some CW's are used to it and understand, others take them at their word. In my experience it generally calms down after awhile, although I did get a complaint last visit.
However, it didn't come from the parent, it came from the visit supervisor who decided one of the baby's owies was a staph infection and then freaked out the parents. She did have some bug bites that she was scratching a lot and weren't healing very quickly since she had gotten good at taking off whatever bandages I put on it. Plus it was actually looking alot better. I had to take her to the doctor this morning, where they confirmed, as I knew they would, that it was not staph and it was healing just fine.
With me, I've taken the attitude of "What-Ever!" I just deal with it, talk to the CW, handle the issue and move on. Sometimes its valid, sometimes its stupid, but somewhere along the way I figured out how not to take it personally, but that was after about a dozen nervous breakdowns during every visit and the 24 hours afterward!
Oh ya, and the scratches, we went through that phase. I was cutting the little girl's nails twice a week and she was still scratching all over, especially her face. During a visit apparently the parents commented on it and her 4yo brother told them I "cut her all up with knives." I flipped out when I found out because it was such a crazy lie. Luckily, even his parents knew he was making stuff up and blew it off. He got in trouble with me instead for lying.
I put the little gloves on her hands as an almost permanent feature for 3 months. I had so many pairs in different colors and styles for every outfit. She still managed to get some scratches but not as many.
Really, good luck. Sadly, all those little complaints come with the territory.

[c.a]

I have gotten to the point where these things roll like water off a duck's back.

I find that parents complain for many reasons, they are scared, angry, defensive, striking out at anything they can. Often they need education themselves.

I do try to document scrapes, cuts and bruises, although toddler/kid knees and shins are hard to keep track of.

The first complaint that got to me was "you didn't have a winter coat in his bag". Hello - it was May, 65 degrees outside, he was only going into your car for a visit in the office and there were two fleeces in his bag. "Yes, but the mother was upset because you didn't have a winter coat in his bag."

It steamed me at the time. I agree with Newshyde, these things come with the territory. Take them with a grain of salt.

Good luck.