[MBear]

I have had M for 20 of her 21 months of life. Day before TPR, DCF decided they didn't have enough evidence to support TPR and have decided to give mom visits outside of the office for the first time. They will be supervised at home, then progressing from there assuming they are going well.

Any tips on how to handle this emotionally? Or, how have you all handled this type of situation? I have been offerred the option of transporting M if that makes it easier on me and M. It just feels so HARD, and I'm hoping it's just the anticipation of it all.

The hardest part is that this all came as such a surprise because a month ago we were working with the AW and now this. Also, the goal was not changed from TPR to reunification yet. They are looking at possibly changing it at next court date at end of October.

Thankyou,
Mbear

[CaddoRose]

I'm so sorry this is happening this way. If it were me, I would talk to the child's attorney and the CASA about the upcoming RU. I would also talk to my own attorney about de facto parent status since you have had the child for so long. I'm not saying that RU isn't what is best, but I would really want to knwo what everybody else though about it and to find out if it is in the best interest of the child a this point. I'm appalled that you have had her for almost 2 yrs and she hasn't been given permanency.

[Kitty-Kat]

I can feel your pain! I have a 1 year old FD that I have had since she was 3 months old and she will probably be going home around November if everything keeps going well with visits I wish I could tell you some secret way that makes it all better and easier to breathe. I can't sleep and my husband is so depressed and my heart feels like its breaking a little bit each day! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers because I personally know how awful going through this can be. Especially when you feel so helpless. I know this probably didn't help much, but just know I will be praying for you!

[ookpix]

Hey there, wow that's tough!
I agree with the other responses - see what options you have, and see if everyone else is onboard with this.

As far as making letting go easier, what has helped me is to try and get in and build a relationship with bio mom. As many things as she has done wrong and may still be doing, she may end up being the parent for this baby you love as your own. Don't enable her, but give her all the tips and advice she will take on how to treat and care for your fd. What is her schedule, what makes her happy, sad, calm? The more you support bio mom, the more open she will be to input that she probably needs in order to give the best care possible to the little one. If she feels you are against her, she may balk at everything you say or suggest. Along the same lines, be honest - this will gain respect. My fk's bio-m is very young, and I will tell her straight up if there is something I see that is inappropriate. She knows I will tell the caseworker and pass on the negatives I see, but also the positives. Also I share the negatives with her if I can as well so she isn't blind sided. My prev fk's bio mom and I had the same relationship going on, and she still calls me occasionally for advice. I see lots of things that I wouldn't be doing if they were my kids, but nothing they should be taken for. I see them being treated well, and overall living a good decent life. It made their transition to RU a lot easier

[ookpix]

Hey there, wow that's tough!
I agree with the other responses - see what options you have, and see if everyone else is onboard with this.

As far as making letting go easier, what has helped me is to try and get in and build a relationship with bio mom. As many things as she has done wrong and may still be doing, she may end up being the parent for this baby you love as your own. Don't enable her, but give her all the tips and advice she will take on how to treat and care for your fd. What is her schedule, what makes her happy, sad, calm? The more you support bio mom, the more open she will be to input that she probably needs in order to give the best care possible to the little one. If she feels you are against her, she may balk at everything you say or suggest. Along the same lines, be honest - this will gain respect. My fk's bio-m is very young, and I will tell her straight up if there is something I see that is inappropriate. She knows I will tell the caseworker and pass on the negatives I see, but also the positives. Also I share the negatives with her if I can as well so she isn't blind sided. My prev fk's bio mom and I had the same relationship going on, and she still calls me occasionally for advice. I see lots of things that I wouldn't be doing if they were my kids, but nothing they should be taken for. I see them being treated well, and overall living a good decent life. It made their transition to RU a lot easier