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#1
07-17-2009, 09:23 PM
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Should we take her on vacation with us?
We had a little girl (22 months) placed with us a few days ago. She's our second placement. Because we have a vacation planned starting Sunday they arranged respite care for her the week we are gone.
Now I'm having doubts about whether or not that is a good idea. Should we just take her with us? We are going on a retreat with our church. There will be a lot of people there but time for naps and regular meals. Or would it be less disruptive to send her to respite care? She's only been with us a few days. I can't help but think it will be terribly confusing for her to be with us, go to respite for a week and come back to us. I don't know what to do. I'm not really prepared to take her with us because it was so last minute (aren't they all?) but I feel guilty leaving her with another set of strangers. 
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#2
07-17-2009, 09:52 PM
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I would DEFINITELY take her ... we were placed with two babies (3 months and 13 months) and were leaving for holidays two weeks later.... we took them. I cant imagine trying to do attachment work after a disruption like that.
__________________
Jensboys - Mom of 4 Boys (2 adopted, 2 biological)  Reunited SisterFostering Miss Tiny and Miss Curious - Two Months and 13 months when placed May, 2009 Blogging about reunion with our 14 year old, Not reuniting with our 13 year old, transracial parenting, adoption and life as a minority family in a rural community. And oh yeah, now I have cancer.
'Oh, the audacity of authenticity. You’re going to confuse, piss-off and terrify lots of people – including yourself. You're going to pray it ends, then pray it never ends.' -- Brené Brown
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#3
07-17-2009, 09:59 PM
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Take her with you.
__________________
 ALissa placed 7/9/08 Adopted 5/8/09  V placed 3/30/09 -4/23/09- moved to higher level home K places 7/10 will age out C placed 7/12 will age out
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#4
07-18-2009, 05:26 AM
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Take her! Our foster daughter was 20 months when she was placed with us and I can tell you she would have been so confuded and a mess had we done someting like that. You agreed to take her so she needs to bond and a break in the that bonding process so soon will just hurt her.
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#5
07-18-2009, 05:30 AM
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Take her if you can. A church retreat would be the best thing for her. I'm sure she will receive lots of attention from others and you will all have a great experience.
__________________
I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ-Mohandas Gandhi
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#6
07-18-2009, 07:02 AM
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I would take her! The more time you are together, the more secure she will feel. I took my last two placements to DisneyWorld with us... what a trip that was!
__________________
Looking to add another baby to love!  Contacted SW - 8/18 Long road to being licensed due to finger print issues!!! Licensed! 3/23/09 First Placement May 2009 Past Placements~ little miss(4) and Mr m (6), Z man (3), Baby K (9 months), 2yo A and his newborn Brother, Daisy (6) and sister Minnie (3) Now~ Goofy Boy ~ 10 Months My Blog: www.ifyoulivedhereidknowyourname.blogspot.com
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#7
07-18-2009, 08:22 AM
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Only take her if you are SURE you can prevent her from being overwhelmed. My counsellor once said "The first thing every new foster parent wants to do is take the kids to Disney World - which is the absolute WORST thing for most of them in the beginning because they can't handle the stimulation, excitement and disruption." Obviously, a church retreat is going to be much less intense, but I'd be inclined to leave her in respite.
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#8
07-18-2009, 09:24 AM
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I would absolutely take her with you. Children her age are curious and enjoy exploring almost everything. A church retreat would be so fun for her I'm sure. If she does become overwhelmed by something while there at least you'll be there to hold her and can bring her somewhere quiet if needed for her to calm down. Honestly I think going from the disruption she already experienced to you, then to respite, then back to you again would be far more confusing & upsetting for her than having you and your family as a constant even through a church retreat.
__________________
"LIFE IS WHAT HAPPENS WHILE WE'RE MAKING OTHER PLANS" Married to DH for 5 years 4/2007 - Became Licensed Fost/Adopt Parents in California Adoptive Mommy to:  Bambino (Born 8/27/2007 & Placed 8/30/2007...TPR on 12/17/2007... Finalized Adoption on 11/20/2008) Foster Mommy to: *A* (Born 3/2007 & Placed 4/2007...TPR on 3/10/2009...Bio Dad has appealed  .... Discharged from Foster Care & into an "Adoptive Placement" with us 5/26/2009... Waiting for appeal to run it's course so we can finally FINALIZE.)6/2009 - Transferred to Florida due to DH's work Waiting to start MAPP Classes Hoping for a   now!...Also exploring "Embryo Adoption"...
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#9
07-18-2009, 09:49 AM
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Take her. It will help with bonding.
__________________
Mr. Cris, married to a wonderful woman. 10/20/08- Orientation about Foster care and Adoption 11/1/08- Started MAPP Classes 1/31/09- Received MAPP Certificate of completion 3/17/09- Received background check clearance 5/27/09-Home study officially approved  6/29/09- Home Officially opened and on "THE LIST" 8/13/09- Received license in the mail 11/13/09-  rang regarding a 2 month old and 2 year old as possible matches11/16/09- Paternal Family filed papers for custody of 2 year old :sad:11/17/09- Informed 2 month old actually a and judge wants her placed in Pre-adoptive home ASAP 11/23/09- Told Foster Mom wants to try keep 2 month old. Waiting for Law guardian decision Patiently waiting to hear more 
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#10
07-18-2009, 11:48 AM
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i;d take her too. when we fostered last...we had a baby for about a month when we decided to go on vacation...days before we left his sister came...she was 4. we didn't even think of not taking her. maybe that was naive...but it ended up being a great trip. she was amazing...and i think it helped with bonding bc she was with us CONSTANTLY since we stayed in a hotel room. i'd do it again in a second.
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#11
07-18-2009, 08:22 PM
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Definetly take her.
__________________
Biomom to E-19 D-14 Licensed July 2 2008 First placement July 2 2008  E-5 N-3 J-2 TPR...round 2
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#12
07-19-2009, 01:07 AM
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I agree w/other posters and would take her along. Being placed w/someone else now would be really confusing for her, and this trip will allow everyone to begin to feel like she's part of the family.
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#13
07-19-2009, 05:29 AM
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I would by all means take her with you. You may have to get written permission from your DSS Supervisor if you are going out of state. We had to just in case of any accidents etc...
Have a wonderful trip!
__________________
"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, But how to dance in the rain. "  Just my honest opinion, based on my experience!!!
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#14
07-19-2009, 08:44 AM
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I agree with stevenstwin: this is after taking 5 foster kids on vacation (not all at once). I had a 14 yo who had been in the system for 4 years. We had a family reunion on a cruise and it was the worst thing for my fs. Last year, I took my then foste sons who were 8 and 7. It was overwhelming a bit but to do respite would have done the same amount of damage. It's a tough call.
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#15
07-19-2009, 04:22 PM
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Please, please, please take her. I had the chance to hear from a foster child who said that when she was placed with her foster family, the family went on vacation shortly after the placement, but did not take her. When they got back, they wondered why she was acting out so much and no longer wanted to be a part of the family.
I am actually hoping to have a placement by October, because i am going to Vermont on business and vacation and hoping to take her(or them)with me.
__________________
12/28/08 Beginning Adoption Journey  2/25/09 Started Pride Classes 4/29/09-Last Pride Class/Celebration/Certificate 5/12/09-Scheduled Home Visit from SW-but cancelled hours before the appointment 5/19/09-1st Home Visit/Home walk-thru from SW  5/28/09- 2nd Home Visit and Interview 6/26/09-Email to SW on status(Home Study approved?) Same day response saying she hasn't gotten around to writing up my Home Study yet, due to her caseload, but she hopes to get to it soon. 7/6/09-Email from SW saying she will contact me once license is almost completed  7/24/09-found out i am officially licensed!!! 8/22/09-Received my license in the mail. Hoping to adopt 1-2 girls initially from 0-10, now 0-12(any race)
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